Even Castaneda wrote that the use of heavy substances without an experienced vehicle is like death. The old Shaman did not lie. However, sometimes, when an anxious soul needs to cross a burning bridge over an abyss, go out with bare hands against a huge mighty snake, or simply surrender to gambles, or, more simply, to drink, there is not the required amount of funds. Given the current dollar rate, they are becoming more and more inaccessible. However, the market economy and domestic producers think about you, and therefore have prepared a wide range of drinks at communist prices. I don't give a damn about the inferiority of the product - its efficiency is important.
1. Nine
Timur Shaov sang in his "Ode to Beer": "It's immoral to drink a shmurdyak, friend. It's an honor to drink beer, old man. " Although no one found the difference between "Baltika 9" and Shmurdyak. On that fateful day, when the twilight genius of St. Petersburg brewing guessed that the beer remaining in the vats, which was about to expire, could simply be diluted with alcohol, evil officially got out into the world. The red label seems to hint at a possible bloody burp. After all, a color symbolizing danger.
How much can you drink:Amazing drink. For some, 2/3 of a bottle is enough to see a new, happy life, and for someone after three bottles of 0.5 it is good, like after a glass of juice. The paradox of this slurry is that half a bottle flies away on the CCM in wrestling, while a toothless, fifty-kilogram ghoul with scoliosis is able to drink all 4 without embarrassment and consequences.
Taste: The taste is reminiscent of lack of money, poverty, broken dreams, anxiety, youth, the search for adventure to your furry heel. In general, all the reasons why you chose this nectar from all the monotonous variety on the beer counter. Quite thick flavor, which makes the beer almost impervious to swallowing. At first, a very pleasant drink, but the further, the heavier. The stomach screams: "Enough!" - and the brain promises you everything it can: not be stupid at exams, say witty things on time, make the right decisions - in short, everything, as long as you don't drink it. But the most important thing is not to finish the bottle to the end, but as a tribute to street traditions, leave a symbolic slurry on the bottom, because all the evil has accumulated there.
How to drink:A favorite drink of the proletariat, it is ideal for a night stroll through the historic city center. True, this walk can become a one-way path, for malevolent law enforcement officers will pick up your lifeless body. It is recommended to drink in entrances, in playgrounds. If you need to turn your flesh into randomly rotating helicopter blades as cheaply and quickly as possible, then you won't find a better "nine". Soldering your lady with a “nine” is not worth it, unless you want to take possession of her wadded body and put her to bed.
In fact, this beer is the choice of those for whom a classic beer with 4.2% is the same as water, who wants sensations and emotions from what they have drunk. For those who do not waste their time on trifles.
Snack:Seeds, cheap chips, crackers, dry fish. Food shouldn't overpower the taste of the beer. As you understand, this beer is not for a party. This beer is for a pleasant pastime in the shade of the trees.
What is the plus: An unforgettable cascade of emotions, impressions and actions awaits everyone who has chosen this elixir of death. Well, if you're lucky, then maybe vivid memories will remain with you. In a word, great, fun, exciting! Even the drinking process itself.
By the way, this is the perfect hangover cure. Let Woland and other evil spirits hang over with a shot and a hot snack. A real courtyard aristocrat must put her in the first-aid kit in order to get the elixir at the right time.
Minus: The "nine" itself. Her hangover, her taste, her power. Great strength has great consequences.
2. Blazer
"Blazer" seems to be created for young people: bright, bold, flashy. Will make life brighter in every sense by painting the language in bright colors of the rainbow. Favorite drink of romantic existential youth from 2007. Another unforgettable "Satan bakes pancakes" sang cherry "nectar" in his song "Cherry Blazer". True, over time, from the elixir of sad youth, it turned into a truly folk drink, which is bought by both schoolchildren, with excitement holding out a compressed one hundred ruble bill in a sweaty palm, and drunks who want a holiday and a cocktail. Yes, that's exactly what a cocktail is. The manufacturer assures that it is based on beer.
But we tend to distrust him.
How much can you drink:I have a bias towards this nectar. Your humble servant has drunk the fiercest trash, which is in a liquid state of aggregation. I more or less drank Riga balsam, but could not drink more than half a glass of that very cherry "Blazer". This was my first and only acquaintance with the drink from 2007. After drinking, I almost returned to 2007 myself, as I really wanted to cry. I don't understand how you can drink it at all. It is only suitable as a tool of natural selection. But "Blazer" has two big advantages: the price and bright colors, which attract agreeable to everything, in order to feel like adults, schoolchildren, like a flower to a bee. One bottle of sweetish slurry is more than enough for two immature juvenile livers and one soaked liver. In any case, one day I found a podzaborny drunk sitting on the porch of the store and opening a bottle of apple "ambrosia". Half an hour later, I returned in the same way and saw this drunk in a completely obscene form, lying in a pool of his own stomach masses (by the way, he was eating corn), although a little less than a quarter remained in the bottle. Although, it would seem, 6.7 revolutions. But once there were all 8.8.
Taste: If you add alcohol to bovine urine and dissolve cherry sucker in it, you get "Blazer". In short, it tastes worse - only a rotting sparrow, I suppose.
How to drink: Fun, under "Amatory", complaining about the mother with the folder, they say, they do not understand you, talking about how it would be nice to commit suicide, and lamenting that September has already burned out, and the killer still hasn't wept. This is the beginning. And then the alcoholic masses themselves weave the thread of the conversation. Drink in large glasses, in small sips. And preferably chilled. A big mistake many patients make is the warm Blazer. In the cold, the disgusting aftertaste is not so felt. Although it will feel so.
It would seem that you need to have a snack with chocolate or fruit, but this is only if you are drinking a "beautiful fairy". Best of all, good food, a cold shower, and a vow of never drinking again can beat the bad taste. But we choose a proletarian snack, that's why crackers and Babaevsky chocolate. Well, if you want to be absolutely clear, then no snack! He's already sweet.
What is the plus: Fun - cocktail! Someone tastes good. Unusual.
Minus: Good old diarrhea, gagging instead of aftertaste, total destruction of the liver, because the dyed alcohol for her, perhaps, is even worse than "Baltika 9". And in the morning you will fall into the arms of weakness and His Majesty Bodun.
3. Grape day
"Grape day
Grape day is tin
For fifty dollars we bought a booze-o-o-o
Grape day ... and shit.
I told you stupid-a-a-aam. "
VIA "Grape Day" - "Grape Day"
The people affectionately refer to it as "D-Day". Polyglots and pontovers prefer the foreign "Grapes Day" or, as they say in the Vologda region, "Grapizdei". Another passion of young proletarians. Like the "blazer", he became a victim of an experiment on antifreeze and beer using a large number of dyes and flavors with an eerie tasty alcohol. Despite 8.9%, it is easy to drink, like good wine. Joke. This is even worse than the Blazer. Although producers write that it is based on beer. However, like real winemakers, the producers of "Grape Day" pamper their consumers with three flavors: VD, white VD, pink VD.
In fact, fear and human pain are hidden in these one and a half liters of happiness. Beware, suffering drunk! Although in the field of cheap booze, he practically has no equal. Fast, effective, not without consequences.
There are other “Days”: tropical, pomegranate, orange, lemon, strawberry, feijoa, gin and tonic and even such masterpieces as the mythical bread day and nut day. True, no one saw the last two, although they were among the three most popular in the list of Easter prayers and New Year's wishes, which indicates how many people love and appreciate VD. However, if you want to know the whole essence of tasty and inexpensive booze, then take the blue VD. This is for those who understand.
How much can you drink: One or two bottles of VD give balls very well and turn you ... no, not into a sex owl, but into something terrible, barely alive. The drink, let's face it, is stunning and sends even the most persistent to Bacchus.
Taste:Some people compare the taste of VD to a crucheon. Yes, it has a pretty good chemical grape smell and the first two sips are easy. Then the brain realizes that it was wrong when it advised you this masterpiece of chemical thought, and tries to dissuade you from committing suicide. But you just start to feel an unpleasant aftertaste that goes away after half a bottle you drink. You don't care about your brain anymore. You still don’t listen to the liver.
How to drink: This wonderful drink is often drunk together with such simple proletarian drinks as vodka, "777", and such noble sorts of beer as "Ochakovo", "Baltika 9", "Okhota strong". Largely due to this, the efficiency of the VD increases exponentially. It would be most correct to drink VD from a bottle, for this is an even more proletarian drink than port. Therefore, while the aesthetes are sitting with a volume of Lyon Feuchtwanger, leaning back in an armchair near a lighted fireplace, you sit on a stool, sip VD and read the volume "Mein Kampf". Although the most correct thing in the yard to blow a poltorashku on a brother in the company of educated, intelligent comrades, turn on grindcore and have time to have fun until the stomach decides that it is time for the VD with all its contents to go out.
What is the plus: Price, efficiency and, of course, design. He is like Virgil, who tells you - his Dante that it is too early to plunge into this hellish abyss, that you are still too young and not ready to die, and you still have to live and live.
Minus: Unfortunately, the aroma is not digested by the body, so the waste products will have a pronounced grape aroma. You can consider this a plus - your business. But I will not remind about other disadvantages - the same as that of Blazer. And, in the end, it’s rather big, you’ll guess what they will do to you with insidious dyes and a crust, which in the best years cost 50 rubles.
4. Port wine
As they say, Russian port is senseless and merciless. How port 777 destroys the bark and wood of the brain is eloquently told by a fragment from the main popularizer of the product in the post-Soviet space - the film.
- Well, I, Berdyansk, then I remember how ... there is a sea, such as the Black Sea, such, Azov, or what? I don't remember anything, like Azovskoe ... There I s..l, b ... b! Naked climbed into the sea and on ... l! He was drunk too ... "Three Sevens" also drank. And it is everywhere, throughout the Three Sevens Union, do you understand?
The quintessence of the absurdity of Russian cinema is clearly intertwined with the quintessence of the absurdity of domestic winemaking. It is clear that it has nothing to do with good strong wine. After all, it enjoys great success and popularity in Portugal, where it was created, and in all countries where they generally know a lot about wine. Unfortunately, in many ways, this swill is the culprit for the fact that in our country port is associated with a disgusting, low-quality product. As the saying goes: "What is port for a Russian, a Portuguese - not a drink at all." A glass of good, expensive port wine makes a person cheerful and gives a slight joy of being. Now imagine what the Three Axes glass is doing!
At the very beginning of its victorious procession, it was a completely kosher drink, but later it began to be made from waste of wine production, for example, rotten grapes and grape pomace with the addition of alcohol and sugar. From what it is made now, even He-Who-Knows Everything (if you understand who I mean) does not know.
They say that the highest quality "axes" are buried in the steppes of Belarus and are made not from some kind of cake, but from quite decent grapes and are fastened with alcohol expelled from the pomace. So everyone to Belarus! Well, if this is not possible, then be careful and listen to good advice.
How much can you drink: After all, this is wine. Unlike Grape Day, the consequences of drinking 777 are similar to those of drinking wine. Lots of wine. Very large. Rumor has it that after drinking one bottle, as they say, "in one snout," fear, hatred, Las Vegas, Beelzebub with his retinue come to meet the hero of the occasion, the numbers themselves (777) add up to the code of the apocalypse and start talking to you. This is all a lie. This is all lies. Unless, of course, before "777" you have not drunk at least a liter of vodka and other delicious alcohol. In fact, the effect occurs after the second bottle. Therefore, it is best to take one. Better then drive more.
Taste: In fact, the taste is completely different. It all depends on the manufacturer. And here an important point arises. You need to take "777", P-O-P-T-V-E-Y-N! No need to take any "Portoveits", "Partwines" and demonic numbers like "7777", "999", "666". By the way, you need to take it in dark glass bottles. Plastic and clear glass are strictly not recommended. Plastic lorry is, of course, beneficial, but at the same time is synonymous with the word "poison".
By the way, connoisseurs claim (or even convince) that real "axes" have a taste of bread crust and a delicate, vinegar aroma, with noble wine tints. We will say that it is very pleasant to drink it. Largely. But "7777" and the like are given as a fierce alcohol, because of which their use turns into painful survival. In general, a recipe for any "777" will shock a French winemaker. But the recipe for this shmurdi is an instant stroke, gangrene and amputation of the heart.
How to drink: It is important to remember that "777" is a greeting from the Soviet past, from those coupon times, when the queue for it in wine shops was very, very decent. Therefore, as a tribute to ancestors, traditions and the drink itself, it is strictly recommended to drink this nectar from a faceted glass. It is the Portuguese who drink from "bell-glasses", but here, in the country of harsh winters, one must drink from what symbolizes the strength of spirit and loyalty to traditions. If there is no faceted glass, take any ascetic glass. Drink it yourself. Or with a friend, conducting political conversations and debates about the structure of the world. This drink is better than vodka. There is a bourgeois option, personally tested. Someone will say that this is a form of perversion, and I probably agree with him. Dilute with cola 1 to 1 per glass - you get a proletarian cocktail. Very, very tasty.
Snack: In Portugal, every type of port is accompanied by a suitable fruit snack. But here, again, as a tribute to tradition, it is not so important how you score a strange aftertaste: a candy or a piece of apple. Yes, even a chicken leg! And best of all - straight from the throat and without a snack.
What is the plus: Cheap, angry. Classics of the genre, loyalty to tradition. And oddly enough, it is quite tasty.
Minus: Consequences, smoothly "poured" into a headache and tormenting doubts about whether it was worth using at all. Yes, and it is difficult to choose your own, dear, tasty and the same manufacturer, since half of the drinks are dry "upi" diluted in water, to which alcohol of unknown origin is added.
Drinking alcohol has a negative effect on the state of the body. Alcohol abuse can lead to unpredictable consequences and serious pathologies. But all these factors do not affect the popularity of these products in any way. Alcohol production is one of the largest.
The types of alcoholic beverages consist of dozens of positions, and it is not possible to list all the brands that exist today.
Alcohol brands are some of the most expensive brands, the volume of alcohol production around the world is amazing, and new types of alcoholic beverages are emerging with amazing regularity.
Alcohol is a faithful companion to any meal. Weddings, birthdays, corporate parties and other events do not take place without the use of alcoholic beverages. Today the assortment is so rich that everyone is able to find a drink to their taste.
The wealth of choice leads to the problem of how to choose a drink that will appeal to everyone. There are several ways to classify alcoholic beverages. The first way is to classify drinks according to the way they are made:
- Beverages to be produced that use the fermentation procedure.
- Distilled drinks.
This classification allows us to divide all types of alcoholic beverages into several categories, which differ in their main components. Both fruits and vegetables and various cereals can act as such components.
The second way to classify alcohol is to separate products according to the following three criteria:
- low alcohol;
- medium-strength drinks;
- strong.
Low alcohol drinks
The category of weak alcohol includes those products, the percentage of alcohol in which does not exceed eight percent. This category includes sweet alcoholic drinks, beer and some national products. The list of low-alcohol drinks has more than ten items.
Beer.One of the most popular alcoholic products in the world. The history of this intoxicating drink is more than several thousand years old. Countries such as Germany, Russia and the Czech Republic are considered recognized brewers. The strength of beer starts from five degrees and rises higher. In addition, beer can be produced both in non-alcoholic form and with a very high strength.
Braga. The basis of this product is vegetables and fruits. Braga is obtained as a result of fermentation and often acts as the main component in the manufacture of moonshine.
In general, all types of alcoholic beverages are divided into groups depending on the strength
Toddy.Toddy is made from the sap of palm trees in South American countries. For the manufacture of the product, a fermentation method is used.
Kvass.The history of this drink goes back many hundreds of years. Traditional kvass made from sour milk contains about one and a half percent alcohol.
Cider.The strength of a cider depends primarily on the country in which it is prepared. In France, cider is made with two percent alcohol content. In Germany, this percentage can be increased to seven. Apple juice is used to make cider. All fermentation processes are based on a technique that excludes the addition of yeast.
Perry.Perry is one of the drinks made similar to cider. Pear juice and sugar are used to make Perry. The strength of such a drink ranges from five to eight and a half degrees.
Khuremge.A traditional alcoholic product from Buryatia. Khuremge is made from whey. The fortress is between two and eight degrees.
Icewine.This drink can be classified as one of the variety of wines. The fact is that the drink is made from grapes, but the fruits of the plant must survive the frost. It is thanks to this approach that the drink got its name. The strength of this wine is about eight degrees.
Togba.Togba - alcohol, originally from Nepal and according to legend, it is madly adored by Yeti. Togba is made by fermenting cereals. This alcohol must be consumed hot using a straw.
Handi.Khandi is an alcohol native to India. Only women have the right to make such a product, and the manufacturing process takes place according to strict rules. The Khandi fortress is eight degrees, and rice, herbs and roots of some plants are used for its manufacture.
With the help of various additives and preparation methods, at least 100 types of alcoholic beverages are available today
Medium strength drinks
This type of alcohol includes drinks containing up to thirty percent alcohol. This category includes the following products.
Mead.A product obtained by mixing alcohol and honey.
Mulled wine.This subtype of wine is made from fruit and spices.
Wine.One of the foods that is rich in its subspecies. There are more than a hundred types of wines, which differ in composition and preparation method. The strength of the wine can reach twenty-five degrees. Countries such as France and Spain are considered recognized winemakers.
Sake.Wine, the birthplace of which is Japan. This type of wine is made from rice and its strength is about twenty degrees.
Port wine.Another offshoot of the wine family. Port wine is made from a special type of grape and has an alcohol content of twenty percent. The birthplace of this wine is Portugal.
Madeira.Another type of wine from Portugal. Madeira Fortress about twenty degrees. The main feature of such a drink is that high temperatures are used to make it.
Sherry.The peculiarity of Spanish Sherry is that the grapes ferment under a peculiar film of a special type of yeast. The fortress of Jerez is twenty degrees.
Marsala.A product from the wine family. The Marsala fortress is approaching eighteen degrees. Marsala is considered a dessert subspecies of wine, originally from Sicily.
Malaga.This wine product gets its name from the place of production, the Spanish winery of Malaga. The strength of the resulting product can be from thirteen to twenty-two degrees. Several types of grapes are used for the production.
Both strong and low alcohol drinks are very harmful to the body in excessive doses.
Tokay.The wine is originally from Hungary, which is considered to be a separate product. Tokay's fortress is twelve percent. The main component is a special kind of honey.
Vermouth.According to one legend, vermouth was created by Hippocrates himself in the fifth century BC. Healing herbs and plants are used in the preparation of vermouth. The main component of this fortified wine is wormwood. Today vermouth is traditionally made in Italy and France.
Champagne.A sparkling wine that many associate with solemnity and mystery. Winemakers from the small province of Champagne are engaged in the production of champagne. This French product contains up to thirteen percent alcohol.
Sato.Sato is one of the brightest representatives of the wine family. This Thai type of wine is made from rice grains. The alcohol content of this alcohol is about ten degrees.
Tsinar.Italian composition containing a mixture of artichokes, spices, special herbs and seventeen percent ethyl alcohol.
Campari.Liqueur named after its creator G. Campari. For the preparation of the liqueur, fruits and herbs with a bitter aroma are used. The alcohol content of this liqueur is about twenty-eight percent.
Koumiss.The homeland of kumis is Central Asia. This drink is made from milk, yeast and alcohol. There are several options for making kumiss, differing in strength. The maximum strength of kumis is forty degrees.
Grog and punch.These drinks are combined as both are derived from separate products. Grog is rum that is diluted to reduce the strength of the product. Punch is a product obtained by mixing certain varieties of wines and fruit juices.
Rechoto... One of the representatives of the wine family originally from Italy. The fortress of Rechoto is fifteen degrees.
Pisco.French wine, the strength of which is at around twenty-two degrees. It is made from grape juice with the addition of cognac alcohol. It is very important that such alcohol should be at least several years old.
Pulque.A Mexican product obtained from the fermentation of agave fruits. The alcohol content in this composition is about eighteen percent.
The most common name for spirits is alcoholic beverages in which the percentage of alcohol is higher than 20
Strong alcoholic drinks
Strong alcohol consumption is hazardous to health. The strength of such a product can reach eighty degrees. The most popular spirits are:
- vodka;
- cognac;
- whiskey;
- brandy;
- absinthe;
- sambuca;
- gin;
- tequila;
- chacha.
It makes no sense to describe the above drinks, since most consumers are familiar with these products. Strong spirits can be made from a variety of ingredients, so only the most unusual formulas are worth considering.
Aquavit.Literally translated, the name reads "water of life". Aquavit is made in Norway from regular potatoes. The alcohol content of the product is fifty percent.
Arak.Arak is an ambiguous drink. For its manufacture, various types of natural raw materials and manufacturing techniques are used. So the strength of such a composition can be from forty to fifty degrees. Arak's homeland is Central Asia.
Pastis.Pastis is one of the absinthe derivatives from France. The history of making this aniseed vodka goes back about a hundred years. The strength of such vodka is forty-five degrees.
Mastic.Another type of alcohol made from anise. Mastic is a traditional Bulgarian drink and its strength is forty-seven degrees.
Armagnac.The birthplace of Armagnac is the province of Gascony, located in France. The alcohol level in the composition is at around forty percent. The manufacturing technique consists in distilling wine from grapes with the addition of fresh berries.
Grappa.Initially, Italian grappa was made from raw wine waste. The alcohol content in grappa can be as high as fifty percent.
Calvados.One of the subtypes of brandy made from apple cider. The alcohol content of this product is on average forty percent.
Kirshwasser.The kirschwasser was first made in Germany at the beginning of the seventeenth century. The strength of the drink is about forty degrees, and the main ingredient is black cherry.
Low alcohol drinks usually include a variety of cocktails, wines, beer, liqueurs.
Slivovitsa.A subtype of brandy, with a strength of forty-five degrees, made from plum juice. The production of this alcohol is established in Bulgaria and Serbia.
Metaxa.Greek composition based on a blend of grape wine, grape apple brandy and herbal tincture. The alcohol content in metax is about forty percent.
Schnapps.The basis for the preparation of schnapps can be both cereals and fruits of fruit trees. Germany is considered the birthplace of schnapps. A product manufactured in this country contains forty percent ethyl.
Bourbon.An American whiskey made from corn cobs. The strength of bourbon is about fifty degrees.
Maotai.The homeland of this drink is China. Maotai is a festive drink associated with celebration. It is made from cereals and has a strength of fifty-three degrees.
Ouzo.A mixture of alcohol solution and special herbs. The birthplace of the drink is Greece. The composition contains about fifty percent alcohol.
Cancers.Strong alcohol from Turkey. Crayfish contains fifty percent alcohol. This alcoholic product is made from grape wine and anise.
Tutovka.Caucasian product made from mulberry fruit. This drink has a unique aroma, and its strength is already eighty degrees.
Conclusion
The most correct classification of alcohol is to classify drinks according to their strength. Knowing the approximate composition and percentage of alcohol in the liquid, you can calculate not only the correct dosage of what you drink, but also save yourself from the consequences of the hangover syndrome.
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Orgasm of Nostradamus
Prerequisites for alcoholism
The main prerequisite for alcoholism is, apparently, the use of alcohol. The attitude of society towards this form of substance abuse has generated erroneous patterns of assumed prerequisites, such as: stiffness, a desire to assert itself and poor heredity (for example, if your grandfather was a drunkard - most likely, when using, you will also follow in his footsteps), allegedly leading to the need to make up for the loss by taking additional measures. The decrease in operating time can have at least 2 reasons:
- age-related decline (and a possible increase in the production of alcohol dehydrogenase);
- suppression of the production of own alcohol by homeostasis support systems with a regular excess intake of it from the outside.
It is believed that stress also contributes, which is why it pulls to heal the nerves with drinking. And after the "treatment" it is necessary to replenish the decrease in operating time in the same way. Treatment eventually flows into the chronic stage, and the patient begins to enjoy the very process of "treatment", the result is of interest to him a little more than nothing.
The risk group includes people over 40 years old, as well as some ethnic groups. It can be assumed that in this country, as in a number of Scandinavian countries, those who have an excess of alcohol dehydrogenases are prone to drunkenness: the consequences of pleasure are subtle, and with age, there is less and less of its own ethanol and more and more rapidly it turns into aldehydes. It is easy to see that the chronicles get drunk already with small doses. Also, some nationalities get drunk from small doses.
Alconaut's embryo
A schoolboy who has just discovered alcohol. He can't drink a lot, but he always eats in shit, because he tries very hard. Secretly sad that at children's parties now they give nasty booze, and not what they used to be. The pleasure from alcohol gets: 1) imperceptibly pouring it into juice to a friend and observing the reaction; 2) telling in the company how he vomited the day before. A separate source of pride is the strength of the drink, which was later vomited. The limit of steepness is the ability to drink in one gulp. Another limit of steepness is to have a drink and come to the disco at your home school, so much so that they do not smell it and take you to the director on Monday for a showdown.
Alconaut chick
Already, as a rule, not a schoolboy, but a student or vocational school. Proud to be able to drink. As a proof of skill, he always drinks as much as he can fit, then tries to keep the drink inside for a longer time (it is no longer cool to puke). At first, he prefers cheap wines and beer to vodka, since the amount of liquid comes first, and a lot of vodka is expensive.
A special subspecies is the chick of the BEER Alconaut, convinced that drinking "pivasik" is not only not harmful to health, but on the contrary, is supposedly very useful. Such alkonauts are found everywhere. Favorite habitat: shoddy entrances, dirty benches (on which they sit, as befits birds, climbing up with their feet, and pecking seeds as a snack), as well as "birdhouses" abandoned for the weekend by their parents.
At a later stage, he becomes disillusioned with "beers" and returns to burned "vodkas" (this is more economical) or begins to use heavier substances.
The limit of steepness is to drink in small sips (again, analogy with a bird). Considers the use of alcohol and other substances as a sign of adulthood. I am sure that the state / parents pays for 4-6 years of living in a hostel and lectures missed from a hangover, precisely so that he drinks and dissolves his brain with alcohol.
A distinctive feature of drinking ssykuh from carriers of MPH is that drinking occurs with leaps and bounds, that is, many times faster than in male monkeys. Moreover, such a soaked beauty manages not only to fuck up the stash of the folder, but also to lose her virginity at the age of 15 in the filthy basement of the entrance of her own house. Having taken it on the boobs, as a rule, it behaves extremely defiantly, because under the influence of doping, ChSV flies into the stratosphere and above. Can go into hysterics, which also delivers. The cure for this ailment is most often a healing pinus, determined at the right time in the right hole. From here originates the meme "to caress the life-giving dick" that has managed to grow a goat beard.
Festive drunk
For reasons unknown to science, he believes that on some days of the calendar it is healthy and fun to drink, and on others it is sad, graceless and in general alcoholism. Because of these restrictions, he waits for any holiday as the Kingdom of the Lord, slowly begins to drink a day before the permitted date, and ends 2-7 days later. On the holiday itself, he drinks three times the lethal dose and performs so that memories visit everyone until the next significant date, but denies everything, emphasizing his difference from some Vasya who was lying under the fence. Guided by the TCH - The Cultural Drinking Theory (not to be confused with the Warm Checkered Blanket). Favorite phrases “I drink culturally”, “I know when to stop”, “It's a sin not to drink on a holiday”. I am sure that he will always drink as much as he drinks now.
At later stages, he learns to look for a holiday in everything - at those jobs where many festive alconauts gather, literally everything is celebrated in unison, up to the purchase of a table (and often fucks up its tenfold cost). Other suitable holidays - Day of the faceted glass (see below), end of the working day, Friday, ours won / lost, Day of some garbage (radio, groundhog), Day of some asshole (gynecologist, rail-layer), weekend, N- the th day (before / after) vacation, the first / last day of the season, today such-and-such died / was born, salary, new employee, monthly anniversary of the company, anniversary of the Battle of Dryshchensk, Memory of the holy fathers of six Ecumenical Councils, etc. Not finding a suitable excuse, he comes up with excuses that are brilliant to the best of his mental abilities, for example: "Someone has a birthday today!"
The limit of steepness is not to get drunk in your pussy for any reason and consider yourself a fucking strong-willed person who "knows when to stop."
At the word "sobriety" he crumbles with bricks and loves the saying "If a person does not drink, then he is either sick or an asshole", which supposedly is the essence of a slightly modified statement of the great Russian classic, in the original sounding "If a person does not drink or smoke, involuntarily you start wonder if he is a bastard. " It should be noted that this quotation is not found in the complete collected works of the classic.
The henpecked drunk
He leads his wife or girlfriend, who helps the alkonaut to comply with the norm by fucking his brain. A woman demands from a man “not to drink too much,” in other words, to drink exactly as much as is necessary for her to mow. His wife never asks him not to drink at all, because she herself wants to drink culturally. Finding himself outside the radius of his wife's radiation, such a drunk instantly pours into himself everything that he sees around him, which is why he exceeds the norm dozens of times and goes home astride his wife, bellowing that he was tired at work and half a glass of wine took him away. At later stages, he learns to mix water into the juice (or champagne) and manages to get drunk unchecked right in front of his wife.
The limit of steepness is to come up with a reason to miss your wife for 2 minutes and have time to hit zero.
Drunk healer
Piously believes that strong drinks in small doses are useful in any quantity. He often confirms his words by the fact that he works as a doctor or nurse. Or he knows a doctor who advises to drink vodka for any illness. He certainly knows a person who would have died if he had not been pumped up in time and wrapped in a blanket. To the question "how much is a small amount?" answers that it is individual for everyone. He himself usually drinks as much as he can. I'm sure it's scientifically proven. I did not check it myself, but I read two articles on this topic in the magazine Mens Health, and in general the usefulness of alcohol just needs to be scientifically proven. He's so ... Such! "If alcohol were harmful, it would not take humanity many thousands of years to figure this out." In general, alcohol in small doses is good. And sobriety is evil.
He considers alcohol consumption during meals not only extremely useful (“any doctor will confirm”), but also irreplaceable for humans (“I’m not a dog to eat without vodka”).
In the later stages, he treats with booze all kinds of pains, often arising from the very use (rheumatism, liver, stomach). The booze really relieves the pain. Also gives rheumatics a reason to legally walk with cancer.
The limit of steepness is to catch a runny nose, get drunk on vodka and pepper and chop off, wake up the next morning with nausea and snotty, but without snot. He loves the saying that the “golden mean” is important in everything, forgetting that in some places it does not exist, for example, in rape, insanity and robbery. But in alcohol it is definitely there, he is 100 percent sure of this.
By the way, many fans of collars refuse to believe in the obvious, scientifically proven fact: vodka heals colds only if rubbed into the skin. That false feeling of warmth when consumed inside will not lead to magical healing, because with large doses of alcohol, the body starts to lose water, and without water, viruses will sit in it for a long time and thoroughly.
Alconaut fucked up
Knows that the above cases do not bring joy. Several times I tried to "tie" for a period of 3 to 120 days. It didn't work for many reasons. Scored on the calendar, made a pact with his wife and began to drink less, but regularly. He believes that having a little drink every 3 days is not scary. How much and what exactly is not specified. The limit of steepness - when everyone is thumping, loudly announce "I don't drink" and the rest of the evening to eat juice / mineral water. Then get drunk alone. It is this drunk who, during the set-up, is called by all other drunks a "teetotaler" and is portrayed as a complete sufferer and poor fellow. Although he himself explains the new binge something like this: “I realized that I might not drink, but I made my own independent choice. I'm not some sort of ulcer. "
Alconaut formed
Actually, the subject. By the way, the only one among us, my screwy friends, who understands: drunkenness is not for the sake of a fucking high or taste, but because with regular use, life without it becomes boring. The limit of steepness is to get drunk in the ass, licking a drop of vodka and sniffing bread crumbs.
