Friends are more important to a husband than to a wife. Husband prefers friends to family

17.10.202027.05.2017

How to explain to your husband that family is more important than friends.

A strong male friendship, time-tested, is, of course, a necessary thing - but when a company of friends pushes you into the background, you involuntarily think. Don't panic - and this invasion of barbarians into your family nest can be dealt with. We will tell you how.

Football with friends, help with the car, meeting "on business" or even sudden gatherings at your home, although you were actually going to the movies - the man's friends once again remind your loved one that besides family, there is a much more relaxed and exciting life, without the "obligations" that have already bored him. Add to this the petty domestic grievances that one way or another accumulate when living together, your eyebrows "house" and reminders of your family, and all - soon such valuable evenings together will lose all charm for him. Of course, the first reaction in such a situation is to throw a good scandal: “What does he even allow himself! For his sake ... ". Of course, you can shout and cry - but only with yourself, pounding a punching bag in the gym or pouring out your soul to a friend. And with your man and the company of his friends, you need to behave differently.

What to do: communication strategies

Accept and love

If your man is dear to you, then there is no other way: his friends, especially if they are familiar from kindergarten, where they sat together on pots, will have to fall in love. At least - to accept the fact that they will remain in his life and "suddenly" will not disappear. This means that the options "embroil", "oppose", "show flaws", "put pressure on family debt" will not work. Forget about inhibitions - this will only intensify your man's freedom-loving impulses and can lead to serious conflict. Frankly speaking, after all, communication with your girlfriends hardly arouses mad delight in a loved one. So give the right to personal space to him and yourself.

Become your own in his company

Are you tired of your husband's endless outings with his friends? Join the party, become your own among these "eccentrics", the evening in the company of which is much more interesting for your beloved than a trip to your mother or a joint appearance. Try to understand your husband's friends: invite them to your home, have a dinner together, have a picnic at the weekend, or come up with entertainment that will be interesting for the whole company. Your task is to win their trust by transforming from a boring and disgruntled matron into a pleasant and interesting conversationalist. Just for the time of "gatherings" do not forget to turn off the mommy function: you should not patronize your husband, give him instructions, make sarcastic remarks and create uncomfortable moments. And yet - flirting with his friends is also prohibited. We are sure that you yourself remember this, so this is so, by the way.

Talk

If all the peaceful options do not work, and any mention of your husband's friends makes you a little shiver, then a frank conversation with your beloved cannot be avoided. It was conversations, not quarrels with shouts of “how did you get enough of everything,” including your faithful. If it hurts, unpleasant and hard for you every time a loved one makes a choice in favor of friends, and not your family, do not be silent. Discuss the situation calmly. Just prepare for the conversation in advance: before that, clearly decide for yourself what exactly does not suit you in the behavior of your husband. He pays little attention to you, does not deal with children, does not help around the house - your conversation should be extremely substantive, preferably with options for solving each of the points raised.

Attack softly

You should not openly stand up and defiantly drive out dull visitors: what good, your man will leave with them, acting within the framework of the same male friendship. Cheat. Create an environment where your husband is actively involved in household chores. Let it be a purely male economic activity - not to wash the dishes and cook dinner, but to fix a creaking door, for example, or take food from the supermarket to his own mother. Better yet, start repairs. This large-scale operation will definitely help. What kind of gatherings with friends are there when the smoke in the apartment is like a rocker. Yes, and building materials from the market are not for you to carry.

Peace treaty

Offer to distribute time: for example, on Fridays your loved one will meet with friends, thus preserving the traditions of his "men's club", and will devote the weekend to you. Act according to the principle "you - me, I - you". And do not forget to leave the evening for yourself, because just like your husband, it is extremely important for you to communicate with your friends. Friends, despite family life, this is important - and in this matter you understand him so well!

When she gets married, a woman by default expands her circle of acquaintances to include all of her spouse's friends, whether she likes it or not. If there is no mutual sympathy between the parties, the young husband finds himself at a crossroads - to meet his wife halfway or remain faithful to old friendships.

How can a girl improve her relationship and should she do it? Find out why the struggle for the attention of a loved one with his friends can end in tears and how to prevent family tragedy.

Opposition theory

Every man definitely needs a field for self-expression - that society and a place where he could discuss topics of interest to him “without censorship” and expect a response of approval. In a family, a guy asserts himself differently, and normally his behavior is significantly different from what is considered permissible in a male company.

At the beginning of a marriage, while “old priorities” are still working in the relationship and the spouses are actively trying to defend their independence, friendship can come first for a man. He tries to prove to his acquaintances, and above all to his young wife, that the conclusion of a marriage is not a reason to change habits. Usually, this position in the family is maintained during the first year after the wedding, after which the husband finally decides in favor of the side where he feels most comfortable.

Male friendship: to protect or destroy?

The wife's attitude towards her husband's friends, as a rule, is formed during the difficult period for the family "first year", and if the guy spends most of his free time meeting with friends, it cannot be positive. A woman faces a choice:

leave everything as it is and come to terms with the fact that the husband will often disappear outside the house;
make friends with your spouse's companions by introducing yourself into their company;
get rid of unwanted people by stopping the husband's communication with them forever.

Having chosen an acceptable option for eliminating the danger, the girl must develop tactics of behavior and follow it to the end. She needs to be prepared for the fact that, having felt opposition, her husband's friends will try to win the man over to their side, and whether they succeed or not will depend on her personal efforts.

In some cases, male friendship can be the key to the success of the head of the family and bring him not only pleasure from communication, but also contribute to the development of his financial and social position. In this case, even if the husband's friend does not arouse sympathy from the wife, it is better for her to leave the negative to herself and tune in to a friendly and respectful attitude towards a new acquaintance.

Why husbands choose friends

Unlike women, for whom friendship means an opportunity to speak out and be heard, men perceive companionship as an option for self-realization. In the company of like-minded people or in the company of a best friend, the husband can temporarily abstract himself from the role of breadwinner and family protector and return again to the emotional state preceding marriage.

When can a man choose companionship to the detriment of his family?

immature disposition of character (infantilism) and unwillingness to take responsibility;
the inability to behave naturally and at home at home;
low authority of the wife in the eyes of her husband;
the spouse's hysteria and nervous atmosphere at home;
a common hobby with friends that has been at the heart of their relationships for many years (for example, fishing);
unwillingness to cause condemnation and receive the status of a henpecked in a circle of friends.

The husband may not be aware of the reason that drives him out of the house over and over again, but if this happens, the woman should look for the problem in her own attitude to family life, and not in her husband's communication with his friends. To deprive him of this resource by force means to doubt his masculinity and put him in a funny light in front of his comrades. A husband, even having submitted to such a decision of his wife, can harbor a grudge against her, which will certainly lead to mutual disappointment.

A bad friend can't spoil a good husband

Women often complain that, under the influence of their best friend, the husband changes dramatically for the worse - he starts walking, drinking and showing aggression at home. However, the ability to radically change a person's character is not inherent in even the worst of friends. People do not change suddenly, and no external circumstances can force a man to smoke and drink if these bad habits contradict his inner convictions.

Those unpleasant traits that a woman reveals in her spouse during his communication with friends, in fact, always constituted the latent essence of his nature, forming throughout his life. But it is easier for a wife to blame unmarried or unencumbered friends of her husband for all the misfortunes than to admit that the faithful himself, at the first opportunity, is ready to take a bottle or run to a party.

Before “weaning” a spouse away from friendly gatherings, one must ask the question: is everything in the family really so perfect that, having lost an outlet on the side - even in the form of “bad” friends, the spouse will happily spend all weekend at home? Perhaps, being left alone with themselves and with problems that were only covered by external factors, the husband and wife will understand how little they connect and how, in fact, they know each other poorly.

A battle for attention that might not have been

The complaints of girls faced with a busy schedule of spouse's entertainment sound the same: “I don’t want to communicate with my husband’s friends, but I also cannot allow him, under the influence of his friends, to slip into adultery or alcoholism”. As a result, the wife is present at men's gatherings, not getting any pleasure from communication and overshadowing the fun of the whole company with her dissatisfied look. Or he sits at home, winding himself up morally and preparing the ground for another scandal.

In fact, if the girl had bothered to be frank with herself first of all, this phrase would have sounded like this: "I will not allow my husband to devote his attention to anyone else but me." My wife is offended: she works the same way as her chosen one, pulls on her housework and would like to receive gratitude for this. In this situation, her husband's meetings with friends are perceived by her as a betrayal. She gets nervous, fantasizes, torments herself and her husband with phone calls.

Having gone through a difficult period of getting used to each other, having learned to value their partner and his interests (and this comes with the years of marriage), women begin to regret this wasted time when they tried to control every step of their husband. Hours spent in nervous anticipation are irrevocably gone, and the eternal scandals that accompany each spouse's return force him to look for new opportunities to leave home. It turns out a vicious circle: demanding more attention to herself and not being able to argue her right with anything other than reproaches, a woman pushes the man away from herself even more, and loyal friends become for him already salvation from an unbearable home environment.

Good behavior with your husband's friends

At the beginning of family life or before the wedding, that meeting-X will definitely take place, which decides the girl's further position in the established friendly environment of her husband. If a new member of the gathering has to "out of the way" and friends directly tell the guy about it, there is a 95% chance that he will stop inviting his girlfriend to the company.

How can a girl behave correctly in a new society so that the friends of her beloved person consider her a worthy match for their comrade and do not plot against her?

You should immediately present yourself as an integral part of the spouse, so that friends do not even have doubts that from now on all their invitations and other issues will be considered not by one person, but by two.
You need to think before you speak, and do not rush to take sides in conversations, because behind every event in the company there is a story that is not yet known to the new participant.
You can not flirt or highlight any of your husband's friends with your attention - this behavior of the girl will cause ridicule in his direction and will automatically impose a ban on her presence in this society.
You should listen more and more often support your spouse in the conversation - this will give him confidence that his choice regarding his girlfriend has become the right one.

Most likely, there will be other girls in the company of her husband's friends. If this is the case, then it is better for the newly arrived woman to enlist their favor first. Even if guys do not advertise it in society, at home they always listen to the opinion of their girlfriends, and this factor can be decisive for the bride of their friend.

How to get your husband out of a "bad" company

If in the company of friends a man reveals only the worst qualities that make themselves felt at home, the situation needs to be urgently changed. It will not work to forbid a guy to communicate with such people. Strong between husband and friend are always justified on a deep psychological level. It remains only to cool the old friendship, drop by drop, bringing doubt and mutual discontent with each other into it.

Here are some of the easiest ways to expel "extra" people from the comfort zone of a spouse:

You need to praise your husband more often, saying how positive he is and at the same time wondering how he finds anything in common with such a gray mediocrity as his friend.
A girl can occasionally hint to her husband that his friend is looking at her, that she does not like his "greedy" look.
If the husband's friend makes a mistake, the girl needs to show her upset - to a greater extent, by the fact that the friend's behavior shames her beloved.
It is permissible for a woman during joint gatherings in a benevolent manner to ask the friends of the faithful "uncomfortable" questions, the answers to which will put them in a bad light.

And finally, a girl should always look good and look a little helpless - then any attacks by her husband's friends in her direction will cause her husband to want to protect her, to rebel against everyone.

Relationship with a friend of an ex-husband

Due to various circumstances, the marriage may break up, and some friends of the ex-spouse may turn out to be sober enough to side with the weaker half. There is nothing shameful in the fact that a girl, even after a divorce, continued to communicate with her husband's friend, albeit a former one, but sometimes mutual understanding develops into a stronger feeling. It is much more difficult for guys to decide to follow him than for girls, because on one side of the scales for them they find themselves and on the other - a love adventure, which can either develop into a strong union or end in nothing.

For a woman, the possibility of a relationship with her husband's best friend is not so much a matter of ethics as an agreement with her own conscience. Shortsighted young ladies have ways to use such a move as revenge on the "ex" or to forget with a person who "knows everything." For a serious-minded girl, the opinion of the spouse left behind is important. The idea of \u200b\u200b"what the ex will think" is kept in the mind of a woman long after the divorce, and it is she who often becomes the reason that a promising friendship with her husband's friend becomes impossible.

If the couple still decided on an important step, the girl should remember three important "not":

never reproach a man for betraying a friend;
not comparing life with a new guy with those relationships that are a thing of the past;
not letting the young man think he is being used as an instrument of revenge.

The option when men continue to be friends even after they have changed roles in relation to the girl is considered not the best. If men find a common language well, they will always be in solidarity to the detriment of anything, which means that a woman needs to be prepared for the fact that all conflicts in her new family will be considered through the prism of a failed marriage.

Psychologist comments

When she gets married, a girl sets herself up in advance that new life circumstances will force her husband to change his attitude towards friends, giving them the second place on the scale of importance, but this opinion is wrong. A man does not consider his current marital status from the point of view of sacrifice; for him, marriage is a new component of a happy present, fitting among other elements of joy, the same as communicating with friends.

Not a single normal man will answer positively to the bride's question, asked during the premarital relationship, about whether he is ready to break with all friendly ties, having found family happiness. A man simply does not understand how these two moments of his cloudless future can crowd out each other, and he will be right in his own way. The mistake of many young wives is that after the wedding they directly issue an ultimatum: "Either I, or they!", Without even realizing that the desired effect can be achieved without squabbling and mutual accusations.

A well-groomed, affectionate, always playfully-minded wife who meets her husband in a good mood, wherever he comes - from work or from a friendly party - is a guarantee that in a short time new associations will be earned in the mind of a man. It is no longer a friend's bachelor apartment or a cafe that will appear in front of his eyes when planning the next weekend, but a cozy house with a friendly hostess.

Men are freedom-loving creatures of this world. How to find the edge in his freedom? This is a very cautious point in a relationship. It's like food, you oversalt it badly, you don't add salt too badly, you need to find the very measure where everyone will be fine. But how to do that?

If your husband is constantly running to his friends, and you don't have enough time, what to do? There are a few psychological tricks women should know. The first of them is to try to interest the husband in something, so that he would not want to go to his friends. Such a moment can be, for example, a festive atmosphere at home. Or a romantic evening. For example, a husband came home from work, tired, with the thought that now he would eat and run to his friends to drink beer or play cards, in one word to do “necessary”, “intellect-enhancing” things. And you are waiting for him, so all beautiful, with wine and candles on the table, and even in a sexy negligee - you know how charming women's shirts can be! Intriguing? He is unlikely to want to leave you for his beloved friends. There are many such tricks, only they need to be found and used to your advantage.

There is another option. Everything seems to be fine, the husband is at home, but all his friends are also at home with her husband. Cleaning, cooking is for you. You get tired. What if, when talking about this topic, he says that he cannot drive them out, that his friends are the main thing? This complicates the situation a little, but you can try to find a way out of it. At the next such a party, try to keep his friends busy. For example, “Vitya, while my husband is making sandwiches, please take out the trash. And you, Kolya, bring potatoes from the balcony, Petya and I will peel them. " If these actions of yours are repeated often, then friends will begin to visit less often, since these household chores are also in their homes.

And it is better to invite friends of a husband and wives, since women feel the measure better than men, then by ten o'clock, eleven, they themselves will call them home. But there are times when you can't do that. You can try another option. Start doing a little business. For example, dust off the windows. Ask your husband to take out the trash. Start clearing a few things off the table. There may be a mixed reaction to cleaning the table, but you can say that it is too late and I thought that you would soon disperse, and since I don’t want to clean at night, I’ll do it now. It seems that you are not kicking anyone out, but the hint is clear.

There is one more point, not a little important, this is the agreement. Know how to negotiate. Set aside a specific day for your husband when he goes out for a beer with friends. Be sure to discuss your day of rest. And set aside a day when you will spend time together, not for business, but for joint rest.

And the best thing is to relax with your husband. Make friends with his friends. Make him friends with your friends. Go fishing together, play sports and farm together. Find common interests. And then you and your husband will be much better.

Family relationships are, unfortunately, not only mutual understanding and love. They are also quarrels, scandals, resentments, disappointments. In general, anything can happen. So what can you do? How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? Psychological advice will help you understand this situation. After all, letting such a situation take its course is by no means possible.

Every woman, of course, is unpleasant to hear insults addressed to her. Naturally, there is a desire to offend in return or completely stop communicating with this person. The situation is completely different, when humiliation and insults come from your own spouse. First, his words hurt much more. After all, he knows perfectly well how and where to "hit" you with a word in order to touch and hook you more precisely. Secondly, leaving and not returning is much more difficult. You are still connected by the bonds of marriage, children, friends and relatives, common living space, financial dependence. Thinking about what to do in this situation, a woman, as a rule, begins to rush from side to side. But he cannot decide on a certain rational action. This can last for years. But this is simply unbearable. You need to figure out how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. Psychologists' advice in this case will be very useful. First of all, you need to decide not "what to do", but "what will happen if you do something, but wrong."

What is the reason?

So let's go! How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? The advice of psychologists may be different, but all specialists, as one, say that it is necessary to identify the essence of what is happening, the reason for this behavior.

In most cases, women believe that the reason lies in themselves. Either they “didn’t have time”, then they didn’t, or they didn’t please. Either they are "bad mothers", then "bad cooks", then "unkind wives." In fact, this is not at all the case. These are just reasons for the spouse to find fault and throw out his negativity. The real reason lies in the fact that the husband is sadistic in this pair on purpose. He takes pleasure in humiliating the weak. It is impossible to confuse a sadist with any other person. We are all, of course, human. Everyone can sometimes swear and be rude. However, in the case of a sadist, things are quite different. His insults are saturated with terrifying dirt. The vocabulary contains expressions designed not only to call a person, but to offend, hurt, humiliate.

The main thing is to act!

As soon as you start thinking about how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect, the advice of psychologists will become your best assistant. In principle, it is impossible to change such a spouse either by persuasion, or by means of conspiracies, or by means of coding, or by means of hypnosis, and even more subservience to him will not help. Accordingly, it makes no sense to expect that everything will form and improve by itself. That is, it is necessary to start taking action. It is not the husband who needs to be changed. You need to look for protection for yourself and your children.

Fatal mistake

Not every woman thinks about how to teach her husband a lesson for disrespect. The fact is that the fairer sex is used to adapting to different situations. To adversity in life as well. In addition, our women, due to the peculiarities of the mentality, are much more patient than anywhere else. It is not surprising that they are so simply and easily ready to accept humiliation and insults from a man, slowly getting used to them. And this, of course, is their fatal mistake.

Insulting and humiliating his wife, throwing nasty things at her, the husband inflicts a painful blow on her psyche. Even if she endures all this, it will not do anything good. But the worst thing is that each time these attacks "take a course upward." If initially it was the only rude word, then over time there will be a dozen of them. And then blows may follow. As a result, a woman cannot realize herself in life, hobbies, work, feel joy and love. She can only wait for the next attacks every day.

Hitting children

But our children suffer the most from such violence. Unfortunately, among many women there is an opinion that for a child, the presence of absolutely any father is very important - even a tyrant and despot, even a name-calling and humiliating, even an alcoholic, if only he was. Women console themselves with the fact that he is still his own father. Moreover, they are sure of this if men do not touch the kids. They put up with anything for marriage and financial help.

Naturally, this is a huge delusion. For the child, the mother is always the person who provides him with protection. If they yell at her and hurt her, it means that the baby loses the feeling of security. Accordingly, gets stressed. And this is fraught with negative consequences. Some children begin to steal and lie, others fear death, and still others torture animals.

People rarely associate problems with a child on the one hand and humiliation from a husband on the other. And in vain. The connection is the most direct. Therefore, a woman who wants to keep peace in her family must definitely figure out how to teach her husband a lesson in disrespect. There are many councils. The main thing is to choose exactly what you need. Stop at the best option.

The most negative outcome

The worst consequences can be expected if your children have a sound vector. The ears of such children are hypersensitive. That is, they generally need quiet sounds and calmness. If the father yells at the mother, and even throws derogatory words, such a child not only loses a sense of security, like other children - he also receives a powerful blow to the most sensitive zone. Hearing terrible screams, he can gradually lose touch with the outside world, withdraw into himself. This sometimes even leads to autism or schizophrenia.

In general, a woman, especially if she is a mother, needs to take care of her family. Take the necessary actions that could help in the current situation. In short, to do everything so that the husband respects and appreciates his wife.

Excessive focus

So the next step. You figured out the reasons, made conclusions. Now you need to decide how to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect. There are several ways in psychology. The main thing is to define the task correctly. If you still love your husband, you should not make him suffer. This task consists in the fact that he could realize his guilt, understand what mistake he made, and what pain he caused.

Start paying undue attention to it. Most likely, it will not be easy at all. However, it's worth trying. Give compliments, pleasant surprises, and have romantic dinners. What for? Looking at your efforts, the spouse will be able to understand that he was really wrong, that you are the very thing that no one will ever care about him the way you do. Having realized all this, he will begin to suffer from remorse, to repent in the depths of his soul. And self-flagellation, as you know, is the best punishment. If your spouse has only offended you a little, do just that.

Inattention

The next way. How to teach your husband a lesson for disrespect? An effective method, the opposite of the above, is inattention on your part. If your husband does not see how you are trying to please him, forgets about important dates, of course, this is very insulting. However, you shouldn't shout and swear. Just be quiet. He will definitely remember everything he forgot about.

Let's say your husband has promised to be back for dinner. He himself, without warning, goes with friends to a cafe or bar. Do the same in retaliation. Let him feel in your place.

Has your spouse stopped thanking you for the food you cooked? Considers fried potatoes common? Stop cooking for him at all. Leave several times without breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Constantly talking about the fact that you are doing nothing while sitting at home? Why put up with slander? Sit down at your computer or sit in front of the TV. Don't really do anything. Let him know how it feels.

Would you like to teach your husband a lesson for the fact that he claims that you are “resting” on maternity leave? Leave it for the whole day with your baby. Well, for yourself, arrange a day of shopping with your friends or visit the spa. It is unlikely that after that he will be able to say that caring for a child is simple and easy.

In case of betrayal

Probably, in this way one of the most terrible troubles manifests itself when the husband does not respect his wife. What to do in this case? Someone cannot forgive a spouse and just part with him. But many loving women, who cannot imagine without insidious traitors to their lives, are not ready to take this step.

The easiest way is to declare a boycott. Stop washing and ironing his things, cooking, helping in something. In general, completely ignore your husband. Communicate with him only in case of emergency. Just keep in mind that this method is rather risky. With this attitude, the spouse can simply go to another woman. However, think: do you need such a husband at all?

One of the most difficult ways to punish a faithful person is indifference. Pretend that his betrayal is completely indifferent to you. Surely he expects scandals, screams, tantrums from you. And you will act as if nothing happened. Joke between cases from time to time over the fact of his betrayal. In this case, he will certainly begin to torment him with remorse. He will ask you for forgiveness and try to justify himself. Any man will be shocked by such a reaction. Thoughts will appear in your head that you have stopped loving him, that you need to somehow atone for your guilt. According to many psychologists, this will serve as a great lesson for the future for your spouse.

In case of drunkenness

Another big problem. Why does the husband not respect his wife, bringing her to nervous breakdowns with his daily drinking and partying? Can't handle this addiction perhaps? Or maybe he doesn't even try, doing it out of pure egoism or, even worse, to spite his wife?

What to do? To begin with, take into account absolutely all the consequences that his drunkenness affects. If this happens regularly, ruining your plans, he must be sure to teach a good lesson.

It is best to expose your husband in the most impartial way. Show him how stupid he looks when he gets drunk. Unleash your imagination by choosing your punishment. You can cover his fingernails with bright varnish, and hide the nail polish remover away. Give it back only when he asks for your forgiveness. You can draw a mustache with a waterproof marker, or write an indecent word on your forehead. You can paint your lips. Or you can even cut the clothes he came in to ask in the morning where he was worn.

Outcome

Let's summarize. How to teach a husband to respect his wife? Just love yourself. And respect yourself. Do not let your spouse be rude, offend, cheat or beat you. But if this happens, first of all, be sure to teach a lesson. Perhaps this was the first and only time ... And do not forget to talk frankly with your husband after that. Try to find out what drove him in a given situation. Who knows if it might make you look at the situation with different eyes?

If you and your husband do not live in exile or on a desert island, you will be surrounded by relatives. Yours, his, and also friends with whom you can spend holidays or leisure together.

But what if you feel that the plans and interests of your mother and friends too often interfere with your “family” field?

A healthy adult with normal self-esteem and personal boundaries always puts himself first on the list of priorities, then the second half, if any, then children, and then only relatives and friends.

If the order of these priorities is out of order - one of two things: either something is wrong with your relationship, or.

But you chose a worthy one, didn't you? So let's talk about relationships.

Threat # 1: his friends

You were already preparing to expose treason when he once again went to help Leha with the car in the evening. But no! It turned out that he really goes and fixes the car with friendly gatherings in the garage with Leha, and not with you.

He also helps Vlad with repairs, and on Saturdays he has an overnight fishing trip exclusively with a male company.

Friends are good. Legends and films are made about real male friendship. But a worthy man always finds a balance between friends and the woman he loves.

The most "bright" indicator of problems in relationships - sudden gatherings with his friends at your home, when your plans for the evening were completely different (you know what I mean).

All this sooner or later starts to annoy, and quite rightly.

If all his entertainment takes place exclusively with friends, and family leisure is considered either on a leftover basis, or is absent altogether, this is unpleasant.

And, most likely, you want to. But remember!

If you start to scandalize, give ultimatums (God forbid: “either me or them!”), Impose your own rules - it will end in nothing.

He will feel that his freedom is being pressed and attacked, that they are declaring war and openly in conflict - which means that he will move away, perceiving you as a rival, and not as a woman. You don't need to do this.

What then? Analyze the situation and behave.

Try to love his friends. Accept the fact that they appeared in his life, most likely, much earlier than you. Perhaps they know him from kindergarten or from school, they went with him fire, water and copper pipes.

It is worthy of respect and admiration. Fighting them for your husband's attention is not worth it - it will be useless and definitely not in your favor. If you did not have time to "get to know" them while you were dating, do not miss this opportunity now.

Try to improve relations with them, with their wives, if any. There are several outcomes of this situation: you will like his company and you will make new friends, or you will not like anyone and this is a completely different story.

Just don't take macaroni and cheese and knock on their doors on Sunday morning, like in.

Analyze the situation, the relationship between husband and friends, friends and their wives, track reactions, establish contact. In this way, you can at least collect information and determine leverage, if necessary.

Become "your own" in their circle, but exactly to the extent that he will not be jealous of his friends for you - or even this happens.

If you don't like one of them, try to find some good features in him, because for some reason they are friends with your spouse.

Take the initiative.Offer yourself to have a barbecue at your dacha on the weekend, invite all your friends with their families, have fun from the heart, all together, invite them to birthdays.

If you make such gatherings regular, you will soon gradually develop your own "company" - and the question of "his friends" will cease to be relevant, since they will now be common.

Start family traditions. Offer him, for example, to spend every Friday / Saturday / every December 31 separately: he goes to the bathhouse with friends, and you and your friends go to a bachelorette party or wherever you want. An exaggerated example, but still.

There are your personal days, there are family days - and one should not interfere with the other.

A fun option is to prescribe a comic family code - in your couple (family) and hang it on the refrigerator.

From time to time, let everyone make their suggestions and wishes, which can be discussed at the monthly family council (ideally, these are pleasant family gatherings).

Talk to your husband frankly. It is a calm, reasonable, constructive conversation, and not shouts and scandals in the style of "how did they get me, and you too!"

Only speak when he is satisfied, well fed, calm and not worried about production work problems.

If it is unpleasant for you, it hurts to see every time the choice is not in your favor - tell him how you feel, why, and offer a solution. , as he believes, you need to do and discuss the situation calmly.

Maybe it's not really about friends, but the fact that you would like more of his participation in raising children or just need a dishwasher in the kitchen? Or have you not studied for a long time?

Create an atmosphere. Evaluate, as it were, from the outside, how cozy and soulful is your home, is he resting when he comes home after work? Does he want to go home?

Home is a chance to recuperate, receive love and recharge emotionally. If this is not the case, the man will look for an outlet in another “house”. With or with friends - that's how lucky you are.

And believe me, friends are the most harmless option. If he can really relax and relax not with you, but with friends, ask yourself a question, not him: "Why?"

Take care of yourself. It is most important. Ask yourself the question: do you yourself have an interesting time in his absence? Do you have girlfriends, hobbies, interests?

Are you not pushing on him, are you not intrusive? Aren't you choking with your care? Do each of you have your own personal space?

Are you able to relax and have fun without it yourself? Just try, for the sake of experiment, to live a week "for yourself", in a high, not paying attention to the presence or absence of your husband at this time.

See if his attitude changes?

But there is also a taboo

Make comments to him or in the presence of his friends, discuss his actions; flirt with one of your friends; issue ultimatums; manipulate and cheat.

You yourself know what the consequences will be.

What should be alarming?

Any extreme. For example, if he has no friends at all. None. This means that either a person does not know how to be a friend, or does not know how to create strong ties with people, or is so "self-sufficient" that he does not need anyone.

This is neither good nor bad, but in everyday life it is usually difficult to get along with such people. Or he has friends with whom they go exclusively "for beer" in the evenings after work, but that is more likely then.
A separate question if friends obviously have a bad influence on him.

A simple example: when he signed up for expensive advanced training courses, and instead of the next lesson he went to drink beer with friends.

At the other extreme: he sees his friends more often than you have sex, he prefers to spend all his free time in their company, rather than families, the house and children (if any) are completely on you - this is an alarm bell.

Perhaps you did not voice your views on family life when you were getting married?

Threat # 2: his mom (and dad too)

There are times when a man is very attached to his parents, especially his mother. Although psychologists say that this is usually a problem for women.

This is very good, but provided that you live separately, and he maintains a certain distance in relations with his parents. Helps physically, financially, respects, visits, calls, congratulates on the holidays.

And at the same time, you and your husband have their own territory, physically and psychologically, no one climbs into your family with advice and questions.

If, at the first call, he rushes to his mother to fulfill all her requests, if he regularly listens to her lamentations, complaints, demands (often about a bad daughter-in-law), he constantly owes her something, is to blame for something ...

And most importantly, everything that happens in your family is decided by his mother - this is fundamentally wrong.

Mom, of course, loves him, but, unfortunately, without realizing it and unwillingly, she often acts destructively.

This situation is also wild for you if you are an adult self-sufficient person. BUT arranging a showdown with his parents and with him about the relationship with them is a waste of time.

It is much easier to choose the words and draw the husband's attention (softly and in a feminine way) to those moments that you consider to be wrong and incorrect, from the position of a woman who loves him and sees everything from the outside.

If he is infantile, or - you will not be envied, for two reasons: it cannot be “cured” if the man himself does not want to, and it will be a titanic work for you.

And further. You still have to build a respectful relationship with his mother.

After all, you have at least one unifying point: you both love the same man. And your children are her grandchildren.

Your feminine wisdom, ability to be flexible and see good in people will come in handy. And think at the same time, how will you behave with your own when he grows up?

And if both?

Then this. The recipes are the same, try, experiment. But the main thing is not to get hung up on what is happening to him.

Focus on your own life, become the woman with whom you want to be around as often as possible, spend time, delight, surprise and give gifts.

Then the problem of his parents or friends, any other against the background of your relationship, will simply lose relevance.

Is yours,
Yaroslav Samoilov.