Is it worth living with your husband if he doesn't love. What if I don't love my husband? Should I say or not? Reasons for the fading of feelings

Probably, there is not a single person who would never doubt his feelings. Starting in adolescence, we try to distinguish true love from sympathy, habit, gratitude and affection. But thinking about it after several marriages can drive you into a terrible depression, especially women. Many people even seriously think about what to do if you don't love your husband. Indeed, the question is not simple, let's try to figure it out.

Was there love?

Imagine how much easier it would be if there were precise and specific characteristics of the word "love." I just compared it with my feelings, and everything is clear. But that's the essence of love, everyone has their own and throughout the relationship it is transformed.

The love story in each couple is as unique as a fingerprint. Therefore, it is difficult to give any recommendations without knowing how your relationship began and what happened to it. But there are a few things to consider when making a decision.

Actually, when deciding whether to leave your husband or not, it is very important to remember whether there was love between you initially. It happens that a girl succumbs to the advances of a guy, and relatives remind that it is high time to get married: “Well, he likes you! The guy is great! You will live well. ”In this case, if you don’t“ fall in love, ”it is better to be honest with yourself and your husband.

You tried, you hoped, but the miracle did not happen. Staying with your husband will set off a time bomb. Over time, the person will begin to annoy you, from the inside will eat up the feeling of loneliness and guilt for the wrong decision. Sooner or later, you will realize that you can no longer live like this.

Even if there are children, joint business, property, it is better to explain to your spouse, thereby giving both of you a chance to meet true love. So many years ahead, they can be happy.

It's all gone

Much more common are situations when people got married for great love, and then feelings began to fade away. Then the answer to the question will play a huge role: is it your husband's fault that you stopped loving him? If after the wedding he began to behave unworthy, drink, humiliate, cheat, it is understandable that love is gone.

Rather, the person you once fell in love with is gone: smart, caring, attentive, loyal, athletic. And now this previously liked person simply cannot be recognized.

Again, it all depends on the severity. If you have serious problems with alcohol, and everything has already been tried, or constant hikes to the left or assault, then leave without looking back. Love and take care of yourself first of all, do not let them treat you badly.

But what if everything seems to be fine, but the husband no longer carries in his arms, does not give flowers, does not say compliments? At the same time, constant quarrels over money, children, there is no sex (or it is such that it would not be better), you live like neighbors. Then you have three options: a tit in your hands, a crane in the sky, or a lover.

Third wheel

Why is a lover not an option? Even without taking into account the moral and sinful side of this issue, getting a man on the side is useless.

With betrayal, a stream of fresh air rushes into a woman's life. It seems that you can feel the taste of life again. Again, young, beautiful, happy. But what's next? Are you going to use the poor guy as a pain reliever? Yes, it makes it easier with him, you get addicted to this euphoria, like a drug. But by masking the pain, you are not eliminating the cause.

Or maybe you want to make sure of the reliability of your lover and then go to him? But, what if you and your husband are one step away from true mature love, and with your lover you have to go all this long way from the beginning?

There is a theory according to which love lives in 7 stages. It is quite possible that what is happening now with your spouse is one of such stages, but if you go through it, you will be among those who have lived happily ever after.

Seven stages of love

• Love.What breaks out like wildfire dwarfs the brain. When it's not clear how to live without him. You enjoy these emotional quarrels and reconciliations. Dreams about a wedding, about children, about a happy future. If he is the first love, then it seems that she is the last. It can be easily confused with pure feelings, but in reality, you are driven by passion.
• Saturation.Real happiness. You are together, you are doing well. Spend a lot of time together, there is always something to talk about. There are practically no quarrels, passions have subsided. You just enjoy each other's company, and when you part even for a day, you really miss.
• Supersaturation.At this stage, each of the spouses has a desire to be alone. Everything seems to be fine, but fewer general topics. I would like to spend more time with friends, doing hobbies, work. If by this moment there are already children, then the husband and wife devote all their love, care and attention to the baby, nothing remains for each other.
• Disgust.Someone calls this stage a crisis of life together. The divorce rampant is starting right now. Quarrels turn into a mutual exchange of barbs and insults, it is more and more difficult to hear each other, and it is generally impossible to yield. You begin to feel each other as strangers, you think that you have not got along with each other. Then the question arises, what to do if you no longer love your husband? But in fact, this is an exam, without passing which, you will not reach true love.
• Patience and service.At this stage you find yourself if you find reasons not to leave. Afraid to be left alone or to experience financial difficulties, stayed for the sake of children or parents, it doesn't matter. The important thing is that you have made a decision for yourself - to stay. You and your spouse are patient and close your eyes to each other's shortcomings.
• Real love.Here it is, finally. You realize how much you went through with this person, the relationship becomes respectful. You no longer want to try to change your spouse; love as you are. You accepted each other's cracks and learned to handle them carefully, now you care a lot more. Only now the realization comes to you that love is not passion, not chemistry, not hormones. This is the DECISION. The decision of two adults to be with each other, to talk, to do so that both are good. Then they start to like each other again.
• Spiritual friendship.This is about those grandparents celebrating their gold and silver weddings. They have lived together all their lives and sincerely believe that their meeting was the best event in their lives.

If what you read closely resembles what is happening in your family, it is worth the wait. The length of each stage is different for everyone. Someone skips the most difficult in a few months, someone needs years.

Remember what you will gain when you reach the end. Having lived a life with one person, having fulfilled joint plans and dreams, you will pass this experience on to your children and grandchildren, this is the law of samsara.

In order to make it easier to go through the most difficult moments, do not hesitate to contact a family psychologist, do not throw away such value as a family. But do not forget about the exception to this rule: never tolerate violence and everything that threatens your life, health and well-being.

Before marriage

How to understand that you love a guy if, for example, you have been living in a civil marriage for a long time, there are no children? Your doubts are the answer to the question. Most often, this question is asked by girls, to whom young people do not give any confidence in the future. They do not understand if the relationship will lead to a full-fledged family or it will be wasted.

In that case, do this: end the cohabitation. Not a relationship, but only living together. Tell me what you need to think about. In general, if marriage is your goal, this is hardly about love. You need the status of a wife, not a loved one nearby. Having lived separately, you will understand whether you love a person or lived with him because of hopes for the future.

The wedding celebration subsided, the honeymoon flew by, the euphoria of the first period of marriage passed, and ... It turned out that the man you married is not so much loved by you. You no longer yearn in his absence, you do not admire his every word and deed, you do not melt with happiness when he touches you. And every day more and more with horror you realize that you don't love your spouse and don't know how to live with your unloved husband further.

Sadly, these situations are quite common. They are especially common in marriages that have existed for several years. Many women living in such marriages, when asked whether they love their husbands, find it difficult to answer in the affirmative. Yes, there is a habit, there is perhaps respect, some kind of affection. But love, alas, is gone. The majority of wives are quite content with this situation. Like, what kind of love can we talk about if there is a common home, common children, common goals, finally! And they just got used to each other, got used to, adapted. But there are also wives who suffer next to an unloved man, but, at the same time, do not dare to somehow change their lives. Are they right? Well, let's try to find the answer to this difficult question.

Is it worth living with an unloved husband?

Yes, unfortunately, it also happens that, having lived for some time in marriage, a woman suddenly realizes that next to her is a stranger and unloved person. Why is this happening - who knows? Sometimes the reason for the disappearance of love is a series of disappointments, sometimes offenses caused by the spouse, and sometimes just an inexplicable loss of interest in their half. But the fact remains that love is gone. And it's good if a woman perceives this fact with natural wisdom inherent in the weaker sex. Then she will be ready for him and will try to keep peace in the family and a friendly attitude towards her spouse. However, not everyone has the strength to do this. Some of the women break the bonds of marriage, and some continue to live with an unloved person, tormenting and secretly crying into their pillow at night.

Usually self-sufficient, self-confident women decisively part with their unloved husbands. They prefer to be alone, but not to live with someone who causes nothing but hostility. Women are weak, vulnerable, sometimes even very deeply suffering, do not want to take risks. Let the unloved, hateful, but still a husband, a man who is always there. They are simply afraid that they will not be able to create a fairly strong new relationship with a man. Which one is right?

Each of these wives has its own righteousness. One thing is clear - to make a decision about a final break with her husband should be made only when the need for it matures. If we believe that we have no other choice but divorce, it would be wise to enlist the support of loved ones, relatives or friends. After all, a single woman may need their help at any time. Otherwise, it may happen that you have to turn to your ex-spouse for support, and this is undesirable. First, because “she died, she died,” and he should have thought about a new family. It will be quite difficult to create it if the former wife begins to bother the man endlessly. Well, and secondly, also from the fact that the ex-spouse can begin to hope that he will still return. Why mislead him and make him wait for something that will never happen again?

A woman who decides to break up with her unloved husband will have to make sure that her self-esteem does not fall. Unfortunately, in our still less perfect society, the status of a divorced woman is still lower than that of a married wife. A divorced woman is perceived by many as either a dissolute person, or as a loser, unable to keep the family together. This is especially true for small towns, where many people know each other. In this case, usually no one is going to understand the reasons for the divorce. A woman is simply condemned, that's all. And such condemnation, undoubtedly, puts pressure on the psyche of the "divorcee", forcing her to cringe under the gaze of people.

However, the way out of this situation is not so difficult. A woman just needs to firmly understand that she does not live in order to please others. Therefore, you should not be upset about what neighbors or colleagues say about her. Our life belongs only to us, and it is only for us to decide what to do in this or that case.

Well, what if, for some reason, a divorce is extremely undesirable? What to do then? Let's think about the best option for such a marriage with an unloved husband.

How to start over with an unloved husband?

Many women who do not love their husbands continue to live in marriage because of their children. This is understandable - a native father is still better than someone else's uncle, and children love him. And the attitude of mom to dad should not concern them in any way. I must say that this situation occurs quite often and it is quite difficult. After all, a woman, in this case, sacrifices her happiness for the welfare of her children.

This is where the main difficulty lies. Mom and dad are, of course, equally dear to the child. And divorce is usually a very deep psychological trauma for him. However, if scandals constantly occur between parents in the house, they inflict equally strong blows on the child's psyche. And it is very difficult for a father and mother to hide their own relationship from a child. In addition, often, spouses subconsciously place the blame for a failed family life on their children. And children are creatures who are very sensitive to the inner world of their parents. The feeling of guilt will certainly settle in them and can remain for life.

All this must be taken into account by a woman if she intends to keep the marriage with her unloved husband. Scandals in the family must be minimized, otherwise hell will reign in the house, which will ruin the child's childhood. And maybe all my life. If it is not possible to do without eternal quarrels, I think it is better to decide on a break. After all, divorce does not mean the end of the children's relationship with the father. In addition, it often happens that a father, after a divorce, begins to gravitate towards his children more than during his stay with them in the same family. Therefore, if it is completely unbearable to live in marriage with an unloved husband, you should not keep a family just for the sake of children. This will not lead to anything good.

Well, when you still manage to put up with the presence of your unloved husband nearby, you should think - is he really unloved? If the answer is clear, it is probably best not to hide anything and talk to your spouse frankly (unless the conversation involves the risk of a major scandal). This will help to avoid in the future many situations provoking quarrels. No matter how dearly the husband loves his wife, sooner or later he will come to terms with the fact that she does not reciprocate. Ultimately, such marriages are common.

Sometimes a woman thinks that she does not love her husband, but at the same time pity him. The situation here is ambiguous. Indeed, sometimes it only seems to us that love has passed, and we are next to a person only out of a feeling of pity. Love can take many forms and even be expressed as hate. Therefore, if we do not seem to love our spouse, but at the same time feel sorry for him, it is worth considering - maybe this is one of the forms of love? And imagine life without this person. Will it cause mental pain? If it does, then it's not so bad. Then the question of how to start living anew with an unloved husband is not urgent. It's just that habit and everyday routine have dulled feelings, and you can revive them with an effort. And it is necessary, simply because it will be easier to live with feelings.

It also happens that a woman seems to want to break up with her husband, but at the same time she is afraid of the responsibility that will fall on her shoulders after the divorce. Such indecision, in fact, is evidence that feelings for her husband have not yet passed, and the wife needs his care and participation. In this case, she just needs to understand herself well and realize that she is really good next to this person. And without him it will be bad. Indeed, often we poorly understand what our true happiness is, and we begin to chase the chimera. And then we regret the lost paradise, realizing, finally, that the former spouse was exactly who we need. But he already has a different family, and it is not possible to change anything.

In short, whether or not to live with an unloved husband is an ambiguous question. And every woman should solve it independently. If next to him is a completely stranger who does not evoke any positive emotions, the person, perhaps, is better to part with him. Why torture both him and yourself? Each of us is worthy of love and happiness, and you cannot sacrifice them. Well, if positive emotions are still present ... Then maybe it is worth saving the family?

Again, do not fall asleep. Thoughts stubbornly swarm in the brain. Legs are like ice, but I don't want to cuddle up to my husband. When I'm offended or unhappy, I don't want anything at all. It's good that he falls asleep quickly. But then it will start spinning in a dream, shudder. What a rest here!

To be able to take a little nap ...

... A doctor in a white coat bends over my head and says resignedly:

- Well, the diagnosis is clear, dear! Yes, yes, this is a disease when the wife does not feel the past feelings for her legal spouse. What if you don't love your husband? Decide yourself. Get treated or get divorced - the choice is yours.

Divorce is unpleasant, but fast and drastic. But what will you do then? New search? There is no guarantee that you will not catch this infection again. The disease is slowly becoming an epidemic. Over the course of many years of marriage, a rare wife never doubted that she still loves her husband dearly.

Treatment is not easy, it requires determination and patience. But if you want to save your family, then everything will work out. You will acquire strong immunity from this ailment yourself and save your husband from it.

Brrrrr ... If you dream of this!

I listen to the puffing under my ear and I understand that the doctor from the dream was right: I really don't love this man anymore and I don't know what to do with such a bleak fact.

A terrible diagnosis rings in my head, causing confusion and fear. And if it really is a "disease"?

An incomprehensible sadness that has been rolling over more and more often lately, lethargy and lack of interest ... What if these are signs? Plus feeling unwell, anxiety, insomnia ... It looks like I'm actually sick. What to do?

So, google it! I hammer into the search:

What to do if the wife does not love her husband

I can feel my fingers sliding across the keyboard. What if the machine finds the answer - believe it or not? I am choosing a serious site. Cry.

Wife does not love her husband - a common disease of married women, characterized by cooling feelings for the spouse.

Causative agents of the disease

1. Psychological illiteracy
A person is born with a certain set of psychological characteristics (vectors) that determine his character, interests, desires. These special qualities affect how people build relationships with each other, choose partners, and interact in the family. What a twist! Here, it turns out, everything is scientific. And I considered myself an educated lady. I sit comfortably in bed, wiping my palms sweating with excitement.

2. Ignorance of the laws of attraction, courtship, family creation
Attraction between a man and a woman is a natural force based on "smells." According to the law of survival, a person is drawn to partners with different mental qualities than himself. Complementing each other, such a couple has more chances to take place as a stable union and provide a comfortable future for their children. But the same differences are often potential causes of the disease described.

What are these "features" and "qualities"? I don't know anything about myself, and even more so about my husband. We are really different. But before I loved him like that!

Another unconscious mechanism is that during the courtship period, people try to make the most positive impression on the chosen one, hide flaws, and emphasize their merits.

Precisely about us: I, like a fool, sat for hours at the mirror before dating, covering up every pimple. And he portrayed a knight in shiny armor, impressing me with stories of his strength, intelligence, generosity and further down the list.

So this is not a deception or deceit, but a natural process of the initial period of a relationship, inherent and justified by nature? And I gnaw at him because he has changed, and I married another man! If only I could find out what to do to fix everything.

3. Lack of emotional connection between partners
Emotional connection is the deliberate work of building close and trusting relationships.
What you need to do to create a strong sensory connection, read in the "Therapy" section.

Incubation period

Up to three years.

The power of natural attraction is not eternal. Nature gives couples the time they need to conceive and have offspring. The stability and well-being of the marriage union in the future depends on a conscious contribution to the relationship of both spouses.

What is this? They were attracted to the honors, gave birth to a child, fulfilled the task of procreation. Thanks to nature, but then on your own - you won't be able to go with the flow? But what if magnetism weakens and contradictions grow?

Symptoms:

Cooling feelings for her husband;
- misunderstanding between partners;
- boredom;
- lack of sexual desire (one-sided or mutual);
- quarrels for any reason;
- resentment;
- the disappearance of common interests.

Complications:

Loss of interest in life;
- treason;
- lethal outcome of the relationship (divorce).

It all fits! It has not come to complications yet, which means that it is not completely neglected. But all the same, I feel pity for myself, as for a sick child. If so, I must thoroughly understand this issue.

Forms of flow

Sharp (a woman's sudden realization that she no longer loves her husband; often accompanied by the question: what to do?)

Chronic (a long-term state of lack of interest in a partner, may be accompanied by constant irritation or addictive. The question: what to do? - may be absent).

So it is - an epidemic! I often hear from my friends and colleagues that they do not like their husbands and do not know what to do with their marriage - to run away or stay for the sake of their children.

And I thought that I would be bypassed!

I spank barefoot into the kitchen, turn on the tap, wash my face with cold water. His temples are still knocking. I open the window firmly for December. After a couple of minutes, the prickly -20 * C is brought to life. “Well, okay, I don't like my husband - this is a diagnosis, I understand. And what to do? There must be salvation! Nowadays almost everyone is treated! "

Therapy: what to do to get rid of the condition - I do not love my husband? Systems psychologist advice

1. Diagnosis of the condition - I don't like it: the first step to recovery

Most women mistakenly believe that - I don't love - means I don't get it.

Why is it “wrong”? I don't get more pleasure from the relationship! I do not have enough care, interesting communication, time spent together, respect, compliments, gifts ... I thought that was why I did not like my husband, that I did not receive all this. Is not it?

In fact, the concept: I don’t love means “I don’t give”.

I gasp for air in surprise, like a fish washed ashore. Not giving it back? So me! ..

... And the truth is, I do not give it up. Silently I put dinner on the table and turn my head to my phone. Day after day I refuse to go for a walk before bed and I snort irritably at the request to scratch my back. I don’t allow you to throw away Grandma’s old sagging chair that annoys him so much. Little things. But I don't even do that little. I don’t listen, I don’t hear, I don’t share anything myself.

How simple! I don’t love, because I have stopped loving! She stopped GIVING love, GIVING warmth, attention, affection from herself.

It starts tickling treacherously in the nose, the eyes become wet ...

2. Awareness of the hidden characteristics of spouses

The same differences that attract people during the period of acquaintance, in family life, often become a reason for disagreement and misunderstanding. Clashes take place both on global topics and practically without reason.

Realizing the differences between herself and her spouse, a woman ceases to be a hostage to the subjective perception of the world. In a partner with different properties, she no longer sees the "wrong self." Understanding the psyche of the husband and his own leaves no reason for irritation and conflict. The motives become clear and the reactions are predictable.

For the first time, a woman really gets to know her husband, has a true interest in his inner world. Thoughts that she no longer love her husband come to her less and less.

Exactly, I take offense if he throws things or stomps on the freshly washed floor in dirty shoes. It seems that she does not even notice how I try to maintain comfort and pamper me with pickles. But he is proactive and organized, makes decisions easily, makes good money.

Yes, he won’t say “thank you” again, but at the same time he provided me with the latest household appliances - a washing machine, a vacuum cleaner, a food processor ... and how convenient it is! Lord! So, he appreciates my work, only expresses his gratitude in a different way?

Tears can no longer be held back, they drip directly onto the tablet.

3. Creating an emotional connection

The best means of therapy and prevention of disease - the wife does not love her husband - is to create a strong sensual bond between the spouses. Emotional intimacy is a conscious choice in favor of love and relationships. Mutual interest, trust and sincerity create an atmosphere of psychological comfort and safety.

Yes, if you trust infinitely - you are not afraid to be yourself, you do not expect a catch, you are not tormented by suspicions. As before, at the very beginning, but now - not under the anesthesia of falling in love, but consciously and deeply? I want that again!

A woman, like a tuning fork, sets the tone in a relationship. Her task is to set her husband up for frankness and provide an emotional rear. Gradually opening up, talking about the innermost and painful, she invites the man to take a counter step.

As in childhood, I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my pajamas and bite my lip so as not to burst into tears.

How little we know about each other! There are countless stories from childhood. Funny and touching, funny and sad - which I still did not dare to share, supporting the notorious "female riddle". And the mystery was her own husband.

My heart pounds with excitement and curiosity. The longing and fatigue were gone. As it should be during illness, I feel my forehead. It seems the crisis is over. Will live!

One last look at the screen:

Detailed information about the disease: the wife does not like her husband - and also qualified help can be obtained on the portal "System-vector psychology" of Yuri Burlan. There are also hundreds of reviews of women who managed to get rid of this disease forever.

… Exhausted, I put the tablet down, with difficulty unbend my legs that are numb and blue from the cold and go into the bedroom. It's almost dawn, but there is still time before the alarm clock. With a smile I look at the big sleeping man. So close and dear, and so intriguingly unknown.

Climbing under the covers, I whisper in his ear: “I miss you and am terribly cold, will you let me warm myself? Shall we sit in our coffee shop before work? We haven't had breakfast together for a hundred years ... "

In response, I hear a contented grumble, I feel the icy legs thaw and fall asleep.

“… I am sitting, crying… Several months ago I was sitting in front of my broken life and tears were also flowing… others… Having come to the training, I was sure that we could no longer save our relationship. And somewhere she was right. It turned out that I don't want to save what was before the training. Now a new relationship is developing with her husband. On a completely different level! And this is after twenty years of life together, which led to a complete misunderstanding, resentment. How is this possible???

Not only is there no trace of resentment and misunderstanding ... Such an unreal closeness appears in our relations - sometimes, even after a long silence, we begin to say the same thing! After 20 years - we get to know each other again! Isn't this a MIRACLE ?! .. "

Moon kisses and stormy nights long gone? They were replaced by routine and subconscious dislike for a partner? Love and passion in a relationship is rarely preserved after years of marriage. When a woman realizes that she is no longer attracted to her spouse, that she has nothing to talk about and does not want to go to the family bed, this marks the beginning of a crisis in marriage. "I don't love my husband, what should I do?" - the advice of a psychologist will help you get out of the situation.

How can you tell if your feelings are cold?

Many women look at wedding photos with sadness and longing and recall the past love and tenderness that reigned in their couple until a certain moment. One day, they feel that their hearts no longer flutter when their once beloved husband hugs them at night. Cooling of feelings can occur as a result of everyday life so familiar to all of us, on the basis of regular quarrels or a negative attitude of the spouse. How serious is the problem? How to know for sure that love for your husband has passed? This will be indicated by the following signs:

• You don't feel happy anymore. One of the most important components of a successful family life is happiness. If in the society of your spouse you feel a breakdown, depression, irritation, and a joint trip to the cinema is horrifying at all, then you can hardly call such a state of happiness. A lack of excitement, joy, and comfort in marriage is a clear sign of a lack of love for a spouse. You can cry at night in your pillow, drink valerian or something stronger, but this will not change the situation. We'll have to face the truth. In general, happiness is different for everyone. Some ladies rejoice at the first snow, while others do not feel happy despite the great wealth, health and loving man.

• Your husband has become indifferent to you. "Darling, today I will go fishing for three days, will you sit with the children yourself?" or “I decided that I need to cut my hair baldly and grow my beard as long as possible, how do you look at that?”. Previously, such questions would have caused you wild indignation, but now the fate of your husband and his appearance do not care at all? From this we can conclude that the main man of your life has become indifferent to you. You don't care where he goes and how he looks, as long as he talks less and is around. It doesn't matter now whether he made an effort or the circumstances were so. The question has risen squarely, and it needs to be resolved as soon as possible.

• Lack of understanding. You tell him about Thomas, and he tells you about Erema, you say you want romance, and he sits in the kitchen in his underpants and drinks beer. You ask for help around the house, and he thinks you can handle it yourself. You are talking about the sublime, and he is about how his friend got drunk with traffic cops. Previously, sitting in the kitchen, and bringing comfort in the house, and his funny stories made you smile and tender, but now, apparently, love for her husband has passed. You do not understand him, but he you. Now you are almost strangers. And your ideal interlocutor is your best friend, who believes that all men are goats.
• You don't see a shared future. When a relationship develops in the right direction, then joint dreams and plans are an integral part of them. With your beloved spouse you want to build a house, go on vacation, go to a restaurant after your paycheck, but with your unloved you try not to discuss or imagine anything at all. It seems that the husband will only interfere with the plans. Of course, you can continue to dream about the future, only your spouse will be absent in your dreams. It is possible that someone else, young and handsome, will take his place. All this means you no longer love your husband.

See also:

How to find a man after a divorce and build a new, already happy relationship

Life with an unloved person turns into hell. It seems that everything is in vain - this wedding, these years lived together. Depression is already knocking at your door, there is a desire to divorce and go free swimming. Do not hang your nose and commit rash acts. This situation can be solved in different ways, and not in the most cardinal ways. What to do if love for your husband has passed? We will deal with the problem with the help of a psychologist.

If your feelings for your spouse have cooled, then one of the solutions to this problem is a banal divorce. Of course, an official breakup is the only way out when the relationship is really dysfunctional. Tyranny on the part of her husband, his complete unwillingness to earn money and help around the house, a real disgust for him - a reason to seriously think about breaking up. But if you see that your spouse is a completely normal man, and both of you simply lack the past passion, maybe you shouldn't tear everything up forever?

Love is multifaceted, and many women find it difficult to understand. How does great feeling start? We find our soul mate and fall in love. First, we experience vivid emotions, we try to show each other only our positive qualities, and then we face the reality of the harsh everyday life of the average Russian family. Household problems and getting used to a partner bring down from heaven to earth. The euphoria from the first meetings passes very quickly, and I want a new dose of this amazing feeling. During such a period, it is difficult to realize that relationships are not always accompanied by the flight of butterflies in the stomach, that sometimes you need to be patient, wait, show humility and respect for your partner. Many couples at this moment destroy the family, become free and even more unhappy. Then men and women find new partners and live with them the same stages from falling in love to disappointment, never realizing that they lacked quite a bit to true love.

See also:

To live with an abuser husband, or How to turn yourself into the heroine of a cruel thriller?

If you think that you do not love your husband, but you have children or other reasons to maintain this relationship, then you can radically change the situation for the better. Believe in yourself, because nothing is impossible. And we will tell you how to try to love your husband again, if you don’t love, but you’re not going to leave either. TOP 5 practical psychological tips to transform your marriage:

1. Don't jump to conclusions. In a fit of anger, you want to immediately break off the relationship and chase the dream of absolute love. Do not jump to conclusions that you might later regret. The negative emotions from changing the way of life often negatively affect family life. You can subconsciously get annoyed with your partner during everyday difficulties, splashing out the accumulated stress. Soon, this manner of communication will become a habit with you, and it will seem that the feelings are gone. Chronic fatigue, depression, and health problems are also bad for relationships. In general, analyze the situation, try to soberly assess it: has love really passed or do you not feel it against the background of various problems?
2. Determine the cause. Do one helpful psychological exercise right now. Remember how the cooling of feelings for your spouse began? Maybe you changed jobs, got kids, or started building a house? Or did your husband offend you by hitting the quick during a major quarrel? Dig into yourself and be sure to find the starting point from which it all started. It is very important to understand what exactly caused the extinction of love, and then you can come up with the right plan of action and sort out the situation.
3. Talk to your husband. Even though you don't love him (or think you don't love him), you simply have to dot the i's. There is a chance that the spouse does not even know that he has fallen out of favor with you. Therefore, there is no need to hide the current state of affairs from him. Find the right moment and talk to your partner. It is not necessary to immediately shout about your hatred for him, this will not lead to a constructive dialogue. Try to describe the situation softly without hurting your spouse. It is possible that a frank conversation will encourage your husband to make changes that will change your relationship for the better.
4. Make your final decision. "What if I don't love my husband, but we have children?" - this question is asked by many wives who are in a similar situation. Psychologists do not recommend relying on both children and the opinions of others when solving family troubles. Divorce, of course, is an extreme measure when cooling feelings for a spouse, but in going to this step, you need to listen exclusively to yourself. Children should see a happy mother, and responsible fathers, even after divorce, continue to educate their heirs. Are you afraid of public condemnation? Gossip is unlikely to be avoided, but no one will put a stigma on you. In our time, divorce is no longer a surprise. Domestic difficulties also cannot become a decisive factor in the issue of parting. Remember that financial problems can always be solved. From all of the above, we conclude: decide how it will be best for you. Listen to your heart, and only it will tell you the right direction.
5. See a psychologist. It is not always possible to understand the true causes of the problem on your own. You can come to an appointment with a specialist with your partner to find out for sure why you stopped loving your spouse, and to know your own I. The psychologist will give advice and tell you what to do if you do not love your husband, but you have children. It will help you get out of depression and learn to listen to your inner voice. Find a competent person who inspires confidence and get ready to work on the relationship. There is definitely a way out of the crisis.

Hello dear wives. Let's talk about the painful one. My husband doesn't love me, what should I do? Unfortunately, this misfortune looks even into the once happiest and most revealing families. If the husband does not love his wife, what are the signs of this? How to live with a person who does not love, but does not leave? It seems that these are fairy tales, but, alas, no. I hope I will be able to convey to you what to do in a similar situation.

Love is gone

Love is a complex feeling that needs to be maintained. If you don't, it will turn into a commonplace habit. Living together becomes overgrown with routine and everyday life, in which feelings fade away. Many women, not noticing that her husband has lost interest in her, fall into a stupor when he openly declares that he no longer loves her. In fact, a man can tell when his feelings have died out.

Signs of Lost Love

1. The husband ceases to define the family as a whole. If there is a child in the family, this does not mean that he has lost interest in him. A man can continue to raise a child, but he can do it without the help of his half. He will stop talking about joint affairs and the future, he will no longer care about family hardships.
2. You have more and more different interests and less and less in common. He constantly tries to leave the house, to stay away from his wife, to go anywhere: walking, hunting, gym. He will come up with a lot of reasons, just to be with his wife as little time as possible and spend it in any other company or alone with himself. This is a sign that he has stopped loving.
3. The moment a spouse is no longer interested in his own wife, he becomes more irritable. Criticism appears in him, he is ready to point out its shortcomings everywhere, he will enter into verbal polemics and lead to conflict, even in front of strangers. There is also a second class of men who, on the contrary, resort to the method of completely ignoring their partner. They simply stop communicating with their soul mate and plunge into their illusory world.
4. I feel that my husband does not love me. This phrase is well understood when there is no intimacy. It is this feature that is basic and obvious in our example. Even if your sex life continues, it becomes less and less frequent each time. At the moment when a man loses interest in a woman, he will in every possible way distance himself from her, avoid touching, not to mention hugs and kisses.
5. When a woman ceases to attract a man, he ceases to be jealous of her. It seems to me that no man can calmly watch his girlfriend flirting with another guy. He will show emotions. If this did not happen, then, alas, his feelings for the girl faded away.
6. A man no longer compliments a woman. Care melts before our eyes, when something happens, you won't get help from him, even moral support may not be provided. Communication is becoming less and less.

What to do when my husband doesn't love me?

There is no boilerplate that could help every family. Everything is individual and depends on many circumstances. Psychologists agree on one point. In no case should you humiliate yourself in front of a man. Quarrels, squabbles will not help in this situation, but will only worsen what is happening. The husband, most likely, at the sight of such a reaction, will become even stronger in the desire to leave you.

In any case, it is paramount to calm down, and when emotions pass, analyze the situation and make a decision with a fresh mind what to do next. Look deep into yourself and try to understand: do you yourself still have feelings for a man? Maybe you don't need it at all? If so, check out.

Perhaps the man fell in love with the girl because of her laughter, with which she "bewitched" him. Over time, the laughter became less and less, the woman changed, and the man lost interest in her. Instead of laughing, he observes sadness and sadness, which makes him despair.

Let the man go, don't try to stop him. Consider the fact that he is gone as the beginning of a new life. Pay attention to your beloved, remember what makes you happy, what brings happiness to life, and take your time with this business.

Ending love with one person does not always make life worse. Sometimes, on the contrary, it gives us the opportunity to meet truly our person, predetermined by fate itself.

Fell out of love, but does not go away

It happens that a woman realizes that her husband no longer loves her and does not talk about it, but remains to live with her. My husband lives with me, why does this happen?

Not all men want to leave their comfort zone. The family always has food, washed things and a cleaned apartment, a well-established sex life. The wife begins to play the role of a housekeeper.

Some men do not leave their wives out of greed. They depend on their spouse's finances. If they leave the family, they will have to part with their support for life. Not everyone is ready to make such changes.

Sometimes children play the role of a reason why the father is not ready to leave the family. Such fathers are rare, more often they leave the hearth. The saddest situation is when a woman gives birth to a child from a man who initially did not show love for her, and everything happened because of female naivety, hope for a bright future.

Terrible things happen at times. A sadistic man comes across who is mentally unbalanced and needs to be fed by manipulating a woman. They begin to resort to physical violence. If this is the case with your husband, send the asshole to hell and there is nothing to put up with his manners.

How to live with a man who doesn't love his wife? How do you know what to do in a similar situation? Psychology suggests following these tips:

1. Avoid any conflict situations that may lead to an argument. Any quarrel will only make things worse. Think several times if it is worth it before starting a dispute or making a claim
2. As painful and unpleasant as it may be, show respect for your husband. It's still your choice, which you made consciously.
3. Have a frank conversation. Explain your excitement, try to find a compromise and a way out of this situation. A heart-to-heart conversation will help you avoid unnecessary quarrels and scandals.
4. It happens that none of the spouses wants to take responsibility for breaking up the relationship. If you understand that you will no longer live together, gather your will into a fist and break off such a relationship yourself.

Ladies, one of the best advice I can personally offer. Try to keep your family together and see a family counselor. Perhaps he will help resolve conflict situations, and you will again find harmony in the relationship.

If you have any tips on how to proceed in this situation, tell us about them in the comments.