Où femme y a, silence n'y a 1
(Frenchproverb)
The article discusses issues related to gender - a special sociolinguistic phenomenon that reflects male and female speech. It is shown that men and women use completely different communicative styles and strategies in their speech, which makes it possible to consider gender gender as a real social phenomenon.
In the article, different problems relating to genderlect, an especial sociolinguistic phenomenon, which reflects men’s and women’s speech, are discussed. It is demonstrated that both men and women use in their speech absolutely different communicative styles and strategies, that enables us to believe that genderlect can be regarded as a real social phenomenon.
KEY WORDS: gender, gender, verbal communication, speech, communicative competence, social roles.
KEY WORDS: gender, genderlect, verbal communication, speech, communicative competence, social roles.
Gender communication styles
Do gender communication styles differ, and if so, how much? At first glance, senseless misunderstandings arising in conversations between representatives of different genders already show that men and women often interpret the same conversation in different ways, although it may seem that they understand each other. So, in one famous example, a husband and wife are driving in a car. To the wife's question: “Do you want to stop for something to drink?” - the man honestly answers: “No,” and they go on. He is later amazed to learn that his wife was unhappy that they didn’t stop because she was thirsty: “Why didn't she just say? What kind of games are these? " And the wife is not at all dissatisfied with the fact that she did not get what she wanted, but with the fact that her husband did not grasp her desire: she herself, unlike her husband, worried about him.
***
When representatives of different parts of the country, different ethnic groups or social strata speak to each other, it is natural to assumethat from the words of the interlocutor they can extract not quite the same (or even completely different) meaning that was put into them. However, if the sincere attempts of men and women to discuss something lead to a dead end, this causes feelings of frustration on both sides, and sometimes resentment or anger, which means that they did not foresee misunderstandings... Most of us are not required to constantly communicate with people speaking another dialect, representatives of another ethnic group or stratum, and many can spend their lives without communicating with people of a different culture, but few (including bachelors) are able to avoid contact with people of the opposite sex - family, friends or colleagues. Thus, the problem of gender communication styles concerns almost everyone.
In the judgments of women regarding gender differences, men often seem to be accused - just give women a reason to raise their hands to the sky and exclaim pathetically: "Oh, these men!" And although such exclamations are for the most part just a symbol of women's play, some men think that if they are not slandered, then they are turned into an object of unhealthy criticism by the very fact of discussing the problem. On the other hand, many women fear that the mere mention of gender differences by the opposite sex is nothing more than an allusion to the difference between women and a certain “patriarchal standard”: they suspect that everything characteristic of men is perceived in society as a norm, and women - as a deviation from it.
At the risk of incurring the anger of both parties, I subscribe to the point of view discussed in modern psychological, philosophical and sociological literature, according to which there are such radical differences between gender communication styles that this allows us to talk about feminine and masculine speech. The risk of ignoring the differences in gender types of verbal communication is much higher than the danger of mentioning them (which adherents of politically correct language assert). Denying such differences can only exacerbate the misunderstandings that are gaining in scope in the era of transformation of gender social roles.
The concept of gender
Recently in social philosophy, by analogy with the concepts of "dialect", "sociolect" and "idiolect", the concept of "gender" was introduced. However, to date, researchers have not reached a fundamental agreement on the true nature of gender: does it actually exist (gender-linguistic realism) [Tannen 1989; Eckert 1989; Anderson 1977; Keller 1985], or it is nothing more than a descriptive tool to explain the complexities of gender communication (gender-linguistic nominalism) [Baron 1986; Beeman 1986; Chipen 1988; Dorval 1990].
Many representatives of feminist theory have posed a question similar to Simone de Beauvoir's question "Is there a woman?" - "Is there a female language?" The terms in which this question is formulated have changed over the past twenty years, but interest has remained unchanged in what exactly characterizes the use of language by women and how certain features of the “female language” can be associated with gender relations in a particular society.
This question is not as superficial and naive as it might seem at first glance. It is known that in a number of archaic Indian languages, which have changed little over several millennia of their existence, there is, at least at the level of the spoken language, a division into "masculine" and "feminine" languages. In fact, it is nothing more and nothing less than male and female speech. So, for example, in the language of the Brazilian tribe Karaya (numbering about 1700 representatives today), a characteristic feature of the female language is the addition of the sound "k" to the beginning or middle of a word. Similar features can be noted in the practically extinct Argentinean Mbaya tribe [Korzh 2011, 51]. However, it remains not entirely clear how to interpret this phenomenon: as a verbal legitimation of the already established dominance of men in a tribe or as a sociolinguistic manifestation of such a division of labor that took place at the matriarchal stage of society's development.
A number of researchers, such as Robin Lakoff and Elichor Ochs, believe that feminine language is the result of the socialization of early childhood. Parents and other influencers encourage young girls to adopt a gender-specific way of speaking that demonstrates their femininity through language, just as wearing a frill dress, playing with dolls, throwing a ball like a girl, and not playing football demonstrate femininity. as a cultural norm physically [Lakoff 1975; Oaks 1974]. And this femininity is not just a conditional set of individual characteristics, the function of which is to emphasize the dissimilarity of girls and boys. This is a symbolic act of weakness. The female language in the understanding of these researchers is characterized, in particular, by the use of diminutives and the desire to abandon a rude or aggressive language. Nevertheless, despite the recognition of the presence of such linguistic features, these authors believe that gender is not a reality, but just a myth imposed on women by the male part of humanity.
Another point of view is voiced in the works of radical feminist authors Thorne, Henley, Tromel-Ploetz and Fishman [Thorne and Henley 1974; Thorne 2002, 3-21; Tremel-Ploetz 1982; Fishman 1983]. According to her, gender speech communication is based on the principles of male dominance and female subordination. The dominance of the male is defined by these researchers as “an anthology of gender speech stereotypes intentionally created by men”. The authors mean that men, throughout the history of the development of society, have deliberately "cultivated" the feminine language as one of the ways to subjugate women, while simultaneously building their own "masculine speech" to implement such dominance. This dominance is reflected primarily in such phenomena as, for example, frequent interruptions, long speech spans, and a high degree of straightforwardness in demands. From the point of view of these researchers, this is direct evidence that the self-esteem of men is higher and that they have seized all social prestige and power, while women are deprived of them and have low self-esteem, agreeing to use the speech constructs that men artificially imposed on them. The dominance of the male in society is also manifested in the fact that a man makes a woman do the thankless job of maintaining a dialogue 2 (konversationelle Schei ßarbeit). In the process of socialization, a woman has learned to recognize a man's domination, superiority and, obeying him, "cooperate" with him.
The next point of view is more moderate, although it is based on the previous one. Authors such as Susanne Güntner and Helga Kotthoff note that this construction of social roles may be relevant in some, but not all, contexts. Maintaining the gender hierarchy does not require daily intervention and vigilant male supervision. It is not necessary every time, from situation to situation, to artificially create and maintain male dominance, since, according to Kotthoff, femininity and masculinity include a habit in any societies [Kotthoff 2002; Kotthoff 2003]. Thus, it turns out that gender roles in society are more likely a consequence of habits and affects than a completely conscious choice.
The concept of "difference" proposed by Deborah Tannen and her followers [Tannen 1990; Tannen 1993]. In this model, gender differences are considered by analogy with cultural differences that complicate intercultural communication. Since men and women are differently organized groups, participate in different activities in childhood and are oriented towards different value systems, immersion in these groups leads to different repertoires of communication practices [Goodwin 1992]. This approach can be considered a more thought-out version of the explanation of the peculiarities of gender, but some researchers, such as Susan Gal, continue to insist, relatively unsubstantiated, that a woman's speech practices are indirectly based on male compulsion [Gal 1995].
In my own research, I will try to show that a slightly different point of view seems more appropriate. According to her, gender-sensitive exists as a social and linguistic reality of our life, a certain universal of the gender communicative space. This model corresponds to gender-linguistic realism in the system of sociolinguistic research.
Biological bases of gender
Genderlect as a social phenomenon is not built as a pure construct, but has biological foundations, which is pointed out by a number of philosophers and sociologists. The basic biological units of the existence of gender are voice and prosody 3 whose sphere demonstrates the interweaving of the natural and the social.
Some authors believe that the reason for gender differences in the sphere of prosody is solely the anatomical structure of the organs of speech - the larynx and vocal cords. The female larynx is, on average, smaller than the male, and the vocal cords are shorter, thus the main frequency of the voice of women is higher than that of men. The vocal tract in women is just as shorter, so their resonance frequency is usually 20% higher than in men [Moosmüller 1984; Moosmüller 2002].
However, the point of view seems to be more relevant, according to which anatomical differences are a prerequisite for the formation of a speech style, but not a sufficient condition and far from the only reason. Otherwise, it will be necessary to admit that Freud was right, in the field of gender studies, he completely rejected the concept of social construction of roles and declared with a certain degree of vehemence: "Anatomy is destiny."
The distinctive formants (fundamental frequencies) that characterize our voice vary significantly from individual to individual, even within the same gender. On the other hand, there are often more differences in vocal formant frequencies than would be expected from the size of the larynx alone. In addition, formant frequencies already in childhood, when differences in the size of the vocal tract are still practically not pronounced, represent an important acoustic gender feature.
Sylvia Moosmüller believes that formant frequencies and prosody are phenomena due to which more or less stable cultural and social patriarchal conventions even more firmly consolidate the anatomical differences between men and women in order to diminish the social status of the latter [Ibid]. Nevertheless, there is sufficient reason to assume that everything may be quite different: women do not adjust their prosody to male stereotypes for socialization in a patriarchal society, but radicalize anatomical differences, bringing them to extreme levels, in order to emphasize their uniqueness - higher in comparison with by men, social or cultural status. Such tuning, carried out from generation to generation, could well be the reason for the emergence of a persistent social myth about "pleasant" female voices. It is not for nothing that many women gravitate towards positioning themselves as some kind of "sweet-voiced songbirds," to borrow the name given by Colonel Brandon to Marianne Dashwood from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility.
Based all the time deliberately onbuilt (and not underfeminine prosody - tuned by the women themselves - cultural concepts such as "pleasant", "gentle", "languid", "passionate", "sweet", "soothing", "chirping" female voice and a lot of similar ones were constructed. On the other hand, male voices and manner of speaking correspond to much more negatively colored stereotypical concepts that have taken root in the culture: “rude”, “abrupt”, “harsh”, “commanding”, “military”, “despotic”, “overly clear” (or on the contrary, "indistinct"), "barking", etc. voice. In addition, if a woman, due to anatomical deviation, has a voice with formants from the "male" register, then she is immediately attributed the vice of being a "peasant", "straightforward", "frank", "assertive", "impudent" ...
If we accept the idea of \u200b\u200bpermanent patriarchy, supported even at the level of prosody, it will be completely incomprehensible where this explicit endowment of the male voice with negative connotations came from.
The idea that anatomical differences play far from the most important role in the process of constructing one's prosody and building cultural and social roles on it is supported by the fact that the mean values \u200b\u200bof colloquial formants differ among different nationalities. Thus, Yu. Ohara summarized studies that confirm the basic formant value of 230 Hz for Japanese women, 217 for American women, 208 for Spanish women, and 200 for Swedes as the average value [Ohara 1999, 105-116], and this is not at all about the fact that the structure of the vocal organs is different among representatives of different nations. In every nation, women have historically reinforced a certain cultural stereotype of the female voice. If in Spain femininity is associated with a low, chesty voice with aspiration, with guttural speech, then in China and Japan the ideal of a woman's voice is a high lisping voice with a number of shrill notes, which is regarded as an undoubted element of female attractiveness. In China, for example, girls from the age of three are taught to speak artificially and sing in a very high voice at concerts, rulers and matinees, in formal communication with adults, with encouragement and censure at general meetings in kindergarten.
Prosody is perceived mainly as a fluctuation in pitch, a change in dynamics, articulation, speed of speech flow and stress. In a number of experiments, the gender of the speaker was established much faster according to the intonation pattern, which did not depend in any way on anatomical features, than according to the frequencies of the main formants associated with the structure of speech organs [McConnell-Jinet 1978, 541 - 559]. For example, David Krystle notes: “Intuitive beliefs about femininity ... are based primarily on non-segmental traits. The concept of a languid voice often leads women to use a wider range of pitch than is customary for men, that is, with glissando effects between stressed syllables, as well as the frequent use of complex tones (for example, descending - ascending), the use of a tense and modulated voice and switching from time to time to a higher falsetto register ”[Ibid., 550].
Studies show that women tend to speak more dynamically [Lokal 2003, 73 - 81], and men deliberately avoid very high tones and do not allow the tone to last within a syllable; in addition, men tend not to use descending intonation passages and frequent tone jumps. Obviously, historically, it so happened that men were taken out of the purely feminine sphere in the strategies of using prosodic complexes. The intonational patterns used by women always sound more emotional, expressive and expressive, even if viewed in isolation from the context. Perhaps this speech feature served to spread the well-known myth about the rationality of men and the emotionality of women [Cooper-Koolen 1986].
So, women are much more involved in the construction of voice and prosody in the process of socialization than men. At the same time, the biological determination of the voice for women does not play a big role. At the same time, the voice and prosody of men are determined mainly by anatomical factors, and social prosodic modulation in men is extremely insignificant. This allows us to regard the formant spectrum and prosody as completely objective biological foundations of gender.
Gender communicative competence
The term "communicative competence" was first used by D. Himes, who claims that it is necessary to include social and cultural factors in a linguistic description [Himes 1964, 24]. As Noam Chomsky showed at the time, a child learns a set of rules that allow him / her to form grammatically correct sentences. From the point of view of Himes, the child in the process of socialization learns not only grammar, but also a sense of relevance (appropriateness) the use of language units [Hymes 1972, 57].
It is not enough for a child to understand a language; to act in the real world, he must also learn to understand when to enter into a conversation, when it is better to remain silent, what to talk about, and most importantly, how to speak in different circumstances. Imagine that someone speaks at the same time with others, does not answer questions, looks away when someone speaks to him, does not laugh when someone jokes, does not express sadness when something sad is said ... Such a person, of course, can use well-formed sentences, but it is obvious that in fact he does not understand the language in its social application. It is the knowledge of how language is used in a given society that constitutes communicative competence.
The statement that communicative competence has a pronounced gender character, that is, that men and women learn linguistic norms differently, is quite common in the scientific literature. My goal is to find out to what extent gender communicative competence is used (or can potentially be used) in the construction of a system of social roles.
Most of the examples I have taken from English literature and English (or Old English) language. This is partly due to the fact that the problem of gender was first considered by the researchers of the British linguistic school. Therefore, to confirm my ideas and counterargument, I tried to use similar examples from the same language. However, this does not at all make English special or unique in terms of suitability for using certain gender-specific traditions. Without loss of generality, the logic of my conclusions for the English language can be extended to other languages.
Talkativeness as a gender stereotype
The notion that women talk too much is as old as the world. The cultural myth of women's talkativeness is recorded in a joke song of the 15th century, which praises the many virtues of women, but in the chorus all these virtues are crossed out by the "terrible" lack of talkativeness:
Of all creatures women be best
Cuius contrarium verum est:
Trow ye that women list to smatter
Or against their husbondes for to clatter?
Nay! They had never fast, bred and water,
Then for to dele in suche a matter! 4
The humor of this poem, obviously, lies in the fact that both the author and the reader know in advance that the opposite is true.
There are enough images in the literature that confirm the stereotype of female talkativeness. Dion, in Beaumont and Fletcher's Phylaster, suggests to her readers:
Come, ladies, shall we talk a round?
As men do walk a mile, women talk an hour
After supper; 'Tis their exercise 5 .
The stereotype of women's talkativeness is reinforced already in the early stages of personality socialization. For example, it is known that in many English primary schools children are taught the following song:
All the daddies on the bus go read, read, read ...
All the mummies on the bus go chatter, chatter, chatter … 6
On the other hand, female silence among male writers is often represented by almost the best virtue of a woman. Even in those eras when eloquence was highly welcomed, for example, in the Renaissance, the male point of view did not change. It is perfectly reflected by Torquato Tasso in his work "Discorso della virtu feminile e donnesca": eloquence can be a virtue only for men, and for women, silence should be dignified. The meaning of such a social attitude is, according to the researcher McLean, that “a woman should not be long-spoken and wasteful, and a man should not be stingy and silent” [McLean 1980, 62].
There is no doubt that the entire European culture is imbued with the idea that women do speak a lot, and this point of view is shared by both men and women. Nevertheless, some women prefer to compare themselves in talkativeness with men, while men, when characterizing women, often appeal to the "measure of silence." All this suggests that there is a historically determined defensive reaction of men to the representation of the feminine through constant conversation. Conversations are a necessary component of a woman's socialization, while a man does not need them to such an extent, therefore, making a woman more silent is one of the tactics of social confrontation between men and women. Dale Spender drew attention to this in his book "The Language Made by Men": "when silence is the desired state of men for a woman, then any conversation in which a woman takes part can become too long" [Spender 1980, 42].
However, objective studies show that in reality men speak much more women, and the content of their conversations is much less socially oriented. This is typical of work group meetings [Eakins 1978], television discussions [Bernard 1972], experimental groups [Argill, Lallji and Cook 1968, 3–17], as well as everyday conversations between married couples [Soskin and John 1963]. For example, when the informants were asked to describe three pictures, it took men on average 19 minutes for each picture, and a clear emphasis was made on the personality-individual component, while women took an average of 3 minutes, and the emphasis was on socially significant component [Ibid, 139].
It is clear that men and women do tend to discuss different topics, with the aforementioned studies stubbornly suggesting that women are less talkative than men. It is significant that the word "talker" has two semantic components: verbosity and insignificance. Maintaining a purely masculine myth about female talkativeness would clearly be impossible without the active promotion by men of the thesis that the topics discussed by women are essentially trivial. However, this has been shown by a number of researchers [Aris 1976, 7 - 18; Haas 1978, 14-19; Stone 1983; Thaifel 1974, 65 - 93], it is often male themes that are more trivial than female ones, and reflect greater egocentrism. Women's communicative competence has a character that is basic for many spheres of society, and is a necessary element of the socialization of both men and women. This allows us to conclude that the sphere of speech communication is in fact largely controlled women.
General and disaggregated questions
Another important component of gender is the number and structure of the questions asked. It has been found that women generally ask more questions than men [Ziegler and Ziegler 1976, 167–170]. Pamela Fishman, analyzing the recordings of conversations between married couples, found that women used at least six times more common and disjointed issues than men [Fishman 1980]. A study of the speech behavior of people buying tickets at central stations in a number of European capitals also found that women ask much more men, especially when referring to a male ticket seller [Brauner, Gerritsen and Dettaan 1979, 33–50]. These authors considered that the explanation lies in the stereotype shared by many, according to which a man is considered a repository of knowledge, and a woman is a rather ignorant creature.
But isn't the essence of the problem hidden in the fact that women use interrogative forms much more often than men, since the communicative power of the question is much greater than the power of the statement? Indeed, it is well known in the theory of interaction that questions always require an answer and are thus much more powerful than statements that can be ignored [Tayfel 1978]. Questions are part of a sequential question + answer construct and give the questioner the right to demand an answer. At the same time, affirmative phrases, which, apparently, are largely characteristic of male speech, do not give such a right - everything that could be expressed has already been expressed in the statement.
On the other hand, among all the questions, women often prefer to use disaggregated questions like "That was pretty silly, wasn’t it?" 7 Men, on the other hand, give preference to general questions without a reverse part. Further, an important point is that, according to the results of Holmes's research, 60% of the dismembered questions used by women (compared to 20% for men) are supportive, that is, expressing the speaker's solidarity with the addressee or a positive attitude towards the addressee (possibly , and feigned). At the same time, 65% of the dismembered questions used by men (compared to 25% for women) are modal, that is, they are focused on the speaker, showing the degree of confidence of the speaker in the statement, for example, it can be a request, confirmation, reassurance, consent and etc. [Holmes 2007]
This leads to the conclusion that it is women who are often the dynamic communicants who support the thread of the conversation (Holmes even uses the special term "facilitators" for this), while men are generally not interested in how smoothly the conversation is going, and do not seek to support it in the event weakening the attention of the interlocutor. Thus, it turns out that it is women who are the main communicative basis of society.
Orders and instructions
Orders and instructions are also part of gender communication competence. It turns out that men and women use different commands in communication. Thus, the American researcher M. Goodwin notes that the form let ’s- let's - practically not used by men and is considered to be typically female; it explicitly includes the speaker in the proposed action [Goodwin 1980]. Men tend to use purely directive forms of "give", "bring", "move away" and direct commands.
To refer to the performance of an action in the future in the form of an order, women use either “let's” or “we are going”, thereby leveling the ordered expansion. In English, women often use modal verbs for this purpose. can, mayand couldand also the word maybe - "probably".
Gender communicative competence begins to manifest itself already in childhood. Thus, girls and boys use completely different linguistic means to express a demand or command. Nevertheless, this fact can hardly be interpreted as an unconscious departure of girls from male social expansion into a "soft" gender, since the studies conducted by M. Engle convincingly prove that both girls and adult women in a number of situations prefer to use extremely harsh speech forms to achieve their goals [Engle 1980]. This author argues that the language forms used reflect the social organization of the children's group. Boys' groups are hierarchical, with well-defined leaders using strong teams to demonstrate power and control (for example, playing war), while girl groups are weakly hierarchical and characterized by the equal participation of many girls in decision-making (for example, playing mothers and daughters).
The same is true for adult men and women, albeit in a more latent form. For example, when communicating with their children, fathers are more inclined to use direct orders: “Why don't you do this and that?”, “Get out!”, “Get it out of here,” etc., while mothers more often they take into account the wishes of children: "Do you want to see this?", "Shall we go for a walk?", "What else will we do for your little sister?" etc. Fathers are not only harsher with their children, as one might think, they are always harsher with their sons than with their daughters.
I don't think there is much of Freud here if you're going to argue with me in psychoanalytic terms. Rather, it can be explained by the fact that gender communicative competence is used to construct social organization even at the level of the family institution. Mothers see interaction with their children as an opportunity to help them learn to make the right choices. Fathers, on the other hand, are sometimes less interested in the desires of their children and try to bring their own ideas into their socialization and pass them off as the desires of their children, while often subconsciously identifying the socialization of their sons with their own and therefore showing more exactingness to their sons than to their daughters.
The softer forms of commands and orders in women compared to men is an indisputable fact, the essence of which is quite clear. It is ineffective to punch the way "with your forehead", to speak and demand something straightforwardly, as men often do. On the contrary, the use of relaxed demanding language forms, more like a question, partnership, participation, genuine interest, is much more effective. What men do not achieve, walking in a conversation "straightforward", can easily be achieved by women who are inclined to use "roundabout maneuvers." A straightforward demand breeds a desire to refuse. A soft call for cooperation immediately makes you agree.
Emphase
Back in 1756, an unknown employee of the London magazine "The World" complained about the excessive use of emphatic adverbial forms by women in conversation: “Today ... so there is a lack of authentic words, and hearing suffers daily from the specific expressions of today's fashionistas, such as vastly, horribly, abominably, immensely, excessively 8 , which with another three or four, more intended for communication in the Swiss spirit, and constitute the whole scale of modern women's conversation "(quoted in: [Tucker 1961, 96]).
This explicit drawing language is excellently parodied by Jane Ostenweerome, the "Northanger Abbey" verse of Isabella Thorp: “My attachments are excessively strong "," I must confess there is something amazingly insipid about her "," I am so vexed with all the men for not admiring her - I scold them all amazingly about it " 9 .
The use of this kind of emphatic constructions was already in the 18th century. was associated in the public consciousness with the speech of women. Thus, Lord Chesterfield, who wrote an article in The World (December 5, 1754), made very similar observations: “Women change a word by using and expanding old meanings to different and very dissimilar meanings. They take the floor and exchange it like a guinea for shillings for everyday petty expenses. For example, the adjective vast(extreme, significant) and cognate adverb vastly (extremely, significantly) can mean anything in women, and are the buzzwords of fashionable people. A socialite will be extremely grateful, extremely offended, extremely happy or extremely upset. Large items will be extremely large, small items will be extremely small; Recently I had the pleasure of hearing a socialite saying in a happy voice: a very small golden snuffbox issued by the company was extremely pretty, because it was extremely small ”[Ibid, 92]. Lord Chesterfield ends his article with an appeal to Dr. Johnson, the author of the famous Explanatory Dictionary of the English Language, with a request to try to limit the various and broad meanings of this enormous word. vast.
It is extremely important that it was women from high society who resorted to such emphatic constructions.
In addition, sociolinguistic studies show that modern women, unlike men, often use certain emphatic adjectives, such as pretty(cute) nice (beautiful), charming(charming), sweet(nice), divine (divine), etc., which Robin Lakoff calls "empty" because they do not carry any semantic load [Lakoff 1975, 53]. Otto Jespersen notes that the widespread use of "empty" emphatic dialects and adjectives by women is characteristic of almost all European languages \u200b\u200b[Espersen 1922, 246-250], which may indicate the non-national nature of the emphatic component of gender.
Gossip
Interest in the study of linguistic techniques used during gossip is gradually increasing, judging by the number of emerging works on this topic. At the same time, gossip is seen as a concept that almost always refers to women. Although gossip was previously perceived by sociolinguists as a negative social phenomenon, as evidenced by the 1975 Concise Oxford Dictionary (according to the authors of this dictionary, gossip synonyms are idletalk, tittle -tattle 10 etc.), more recent research has focused on heuristic gossip analysis.
D. Jones accepts this concept as describing the conversation of women, but revises it without negative connotations [Jones 1980, 193 - 198]. He points out that gossip is one of the ways of women's communication according to the social role of women, their frank style of conversation, discussion of personal and household affairs. The reference to the notion of "gossip" focuses on the fact that the language used by women when communicating with each other should be considered as "real conversation" as men's discussions.
Jones is not original in his use of the concept of "gossip": it was used in anthropological works to denote the informal communication of members of a social group [Murdoch 2003]. Sociologists emphasize the social function of gossip: it strengthens the cohesion, morals and values \u200b\u200bof social groups.
For women's gossip, the typical center of communication is the home, salons, shops, gardens and parks, kindergartens and schools. However, the most important place of female communication is, undoubtedly, the institution of the family - what the Greeks called oikos(house). It is the sphere of the private, to a greater extent than the sphere of the public, that women construct on the basis of gossip as a social mechanism. This mechanism can be characterized by the use of general and disaggregated questions, ascending intonation, minimal responses such as "mmm ..." and "yes ...", paralinguistic non-verbal responses (raised eyebrows, pursed lips, sighs, etc.), etc. e. is generally described using a reciprocal communication model.
Most men are not inclined to gossip, not because allegedly women's gossip is meaningless, and men's conversations have a deep meaning, but because gossip as a powerful tool of social transformation cannot be applied without the consent (at least visible) of those talking to each other or while ignoring each other's statements. This is just not typical for male communication, while women, apparently, are much more likely to support each other in conversation and recognize the point of view of the interlocutor, sometimes even with an extreme, hostile attitude.
M. Stone describes male and female types of communication as follows [Stone 1983, 28]. From his point of view, a male conversation is structured something like this: “From football to sex, from politics to literature, the conversation had one common detail: it was known in advance how it would develop. He did not confuse, did not upset, did not frighten, was not speculative ... As a rule, all men's conversations are gladiatorial - a competition in the language in the arena of a familiar topic. " Then he gives a sketch of the feminine language and feminine gossip: “Women most often use short and careless statements, which are accompanied by jokes and the participation of people whose shared experience gives understanding a touch of candor. Constant care of children fills the conversations of those who feel the need to cooperate rather than compete ... In women's gossip, there is a desire to ultimately accept the game of discussion, and not rely on the dogma of formulas ”[Ibid, 31].
S. Kalsik, who researched women's gossip, also argues that the main pattern of interaction in such groups is more cooperative than competitive [Kalsik 1975, 3-11]. E. Aris, who studied communication in mixed and same-sex groups, confirms that the members of male groups were interested in establishing the place that each member occupies in relation to each other: whose position is dominant and whose position is subordinate. On the other hand, women's groups were more flexible: active participants were interested in calling more restrained interlocutors into conversation, and women used various types of expression of emotions and interpersonal interest in their "gossip" [Aris 1976, 12].
It is hoped that future scientific works will pay more and more attention to discursive models of gossip, that is, one of the types of communication between a woman and a woman, since it would be extremely useful to learn more about how female discursive models of cooperation function.
Conclusion
Currently, scientific facts allow us to assert that men and women really use completely different communication styles, which is the basis for considering gender gender as a real social phenomenon. Women and men have different sets of norms of speech interaction, resort to different grammatical and phonological techniques, and therefore, in a sense, form different speech communities.
As a result of considering a number of features of the female language, the following can be considered as characteristic features of gender:
Use of speech delimiters, for example, “I believe”, “in my opinion”, “I think”, “I think”, etc .;
Communicative competence, to a greater extent than male, is aimed at socially significant moments and is one of the main components of both male and female socialization;
Preference is given to interrogative forms over affirmative ones (interrogative intonation in declarative contexts);
Extensive use of dismembered questions;
Using super-polite forms such as (in English) wouldyouplease,I 'dreallyappreciateitifyou... or (in French) voulez -vousbienlefaires ’ilvouspla ît… 11, etc .;
Relaxed orders and directions, structured as a call to action;
Constant emphasis in conversation;
Intonational stress, equivalent to the underscore of words in a written language;
- "empty" adjectives and adverbs;
Striving to use correct, and even hyper-correct, grammar and correct, verified pronunciation;
Widespread use of gossip as a linguistic mechanism for social transformation;
Direct quotation;
The tendency to seriously modify the vocabulary;
Greater use of non-verbal communication tools in communication compared to men.
Much work remains to be done in the area of \u200b\u200bgender and language studies; more detailed sociolinguistic research is needed, both at the level of the individual and at the group level. We must remember that gender differentiation in language does not exist in a vacuum; it interacts in a complex way with other types of social differentiation. Gender is one of the most important categories for any society, and gender linguistic variability is a universal feature of all communities.
It seems quite likely that such a linguistic phenomenon as gender, has several levels, and this is not surprising, since language is at the same time the most dynamic and stable construct in all of human culture. At the most cursory examination, at least three such levels can be distinguished. The deepest level, which came from antiquity, reflects the archaic division of gender roles in society, emphasizes the difference in social activities of men and women. The intermediate phenomenological level of gender has inherited patriarchal strategies, with the help of which women were assigned extremely low social status. The modern, "surface" (and therefore the easiest to study) level of gender is nothing more than a sociolinguistic attempt by women to take revenge and reverse social roles - a language tool designed to create a new matriarchal order. A comprehensive and thorough study of such levels of gender, identifying connections and patterns of the existence of language structures in each such layer, the impact of these structures on modern society can become very promising tasks for the future philosophy of gender.
Literature
Anderson 1977 - Anderson E. S. Learning to Speak with Style. Ph. D. dissertation, Stanford University, 1977.
Argyle , LalljiCook 1968 - Argyle M., Lalljee M.and Cook M.The effect of visibility on interaction in a dyad // Human Relations. 1968. V. 21.
Aris 1976 - Aries E. Interaction patterns and themes of male, female and mixed groups // Small Group Behavior. 1976. V. 1.
Baron 1986 - Baron D. Grammar and Gender. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1986.
Bernard 1972 - Bernard J. The Sex Game. N. Y .: Atheneum, 1972.
Beeman 1986 - Beeman W. O. Language, Status and Power in Iran. Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1986.
Browner , GerritseniDettaan 1979 - Browner D., Gerritsen M. and Dettaan D. Speech differences between women and men: on the wrong track? // Language in Society. 1979. V. 8.
Gal 1995 - Gal S. Language, gender and power: an anthropological review / Gender Articulated: Language and the Socially Constructed Self / Hall K. and Bucholtz M. London: Routledge, 1995.
Goodwin 1980 - Goodwin M. H. Directive-response speech sequences in girls 'and boys' task activities // Women and Language in Literature and Society / MacConnell-Ginet, Sally et al. (ed.). N. Y .: Praeger, 1980.
Goodwin 1992 - Goodwin M. H. He-Said-She-Said. Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1992.
Jones 1980 - Jones D. Gossip: notes on women’s oral culture // The Voices and Words of Women and Men / Kramarae C. (ed.). Oxford: Pergamon Press, 1980.
Dorval 1990 - Dorval B.(ed.). Conversational Coherence and Its Development. Norwood, NJ: Ablex, 1990.
Jespersen 1922 - Jespersen O. Language, Its Nature Development Origin. London: George Allen and Unwin Ltd., 1922.
ZieglerZiegler 1976 - Siegler D.and Siegler R. Stereotypes of males 'and females' speech // Psychological Reports. 1976. V. 39.
Eakins 1978 - Eakins B. W. Sex Differences in Human Communication. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1978.
Kalsik 1975 - Kalcik S. “… Like Ann’s gynecologists of the time I was almost raped” // Journal of American Folklore. 1975. V. 88.
Keller 1985 - Keller E. F. Reflections on Gender and Science. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1985.
Korzh 2011 - Korzh A. Female language // National Geographic (Russia). January 2011. No. 100.
Kotthoff 2002 - Kotthoff H. Was heißt eigentlich “doing gender”? // Wiener linguistischer Almanach. 2002. Sonderband 55.
Kotthoff 2003 - Kotthoff H. Preface to the special edition on gender and humor // Journal of Pragmatics. 2003. No. 3.
Cooper - Kulen 1986 - Couper-Kuhlen E. An Introduction to English Prosody. Tübingen: Niemeier, 1986.
Lakoff 1975 - Lacoff R. Language and Woman's Place. N. Y .: Harper and Row, 1975.
Locale 2003 - Local J. Modeling Intonational Variability in Children’s Speech // Sociolinguistic Variation in Speech / Suzanne Romaine (ed.). London: E. Arnold, 2003.
Poppy - Conell-Ginet 1978 - McConell-Gine S. Intonation in a Man’s World // Sign. 1978. V. 3. No. 2.
Poppy - Lin 1980 - MacLean I. The Renaissance Notion of Woman. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1980.
Murdoch 2003 - Murdoch J.P. Social structure. M .: OGI, 2003.
Moosmüller 1984 - Moosmüller S. Soziale und psychosoziale Sprachvariation. Ph... D. Dissertation, Wien, 1984.
Moosmüller 2002 - Moosmüller S. Die Stimme - Ausdruck geschlechtlicher Individualität oder sozialer Aneignung // Mann und Frau. Der Mensch als geschlechtlichesWesen. / Baier W. R., Wuketis F. M. (Hrsg.). Graz: Leykam, 2002.
Oaks 1974 - Ochs E. Norm-makers, norm-breakers: uses of speech by women in a Malagasy community // Explorations in the Ethnography of Speaking / Bauman R. and Sherzer J. (ed.) Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1974.
Ohara 1999 - Ohara Y. Performing gender through voice pitch: A cross-cultural analysis of Japanese and American English // Wahrnehmung und Herstellung von Geschlecht / Pasero U., Braun F. (Hrsg.). Opladen: Westdeutscher Verlag, 1999.
SoskinieJohn 1963 - Soskin W.and John V. The Stude of Spontaneous Talk // The Stream of Behavior / Barker E. (ed.). N. Y .: Appleton-Century-Crofts, 1963.
Spender 1980 - Spender D. Man Made Language. London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1980.
Stone 1983 - Stone M. Learning to say it in cup of tea language // The Guardian. 19 April. 1983.
Thaifel 1974 - Tajfel H. Social identity and intergroup behavior // Social Science Information. 1974. V. 13. No. 2.
Thaifel 1978 - Tajfel H. (ed.). Differentiation between Social Groups: Studies in the Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations. London: Academic Press, 1978.
Tucker 1961 - Tucker S.English Examined. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1961.
Tannen 1989 - Tannen D. Talking Voices: Repetition, Dialogue and Imagery in Conversational Discourse. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1989.
Tannen 1990 - Tannen D. You Just Don’t Understand. N. Y .: Morrow, 1990.
Tannen 1993 - Tannen D . (ed.). Gender and Conversational Interaction. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1993.
Thorne 2002 - Thorne B. Gender and interaction: Widening the conceptual scope // Gender in Interaction. Perspectives on Femininity and Masculinity in Ethnography and Discourse / Bettina B. and Kotthoff H. (ed.). Amsterdam: Benjamins, 2002.
ThorneyHenley 1974 - Thorne B. and Henley N.(ed.). Language and Sex: Difference and Dominance. Rowley, MA: Newbury House, 1974.
Tromel - Ploetz 1982 - Trömel-Plötz S. Sprache der Veränderung. Fr.-am-M .: Suhrkamp, \u200b\u200b1982.
Tromel - Ploetz 1984 - Trömel-Plötz S.(Hg.). Gewalt durch Sprache. Fr.-am-M .: Fischer, 1984.
Fishman 1980 - Fishman P. Conversational insecurity // Language: Social Psychological Perspectives / Giles M., Robinson A. and Smith D. (ed.). Oxford: Pergamon Press, 1980.
Fishman 1983 - Fishman P. Interaction: The work women do // Language, Gender and Society / Thorne B., Kramarae Ch., Henley N. (ed.). Rowley, MA: Newbury House, 1983.
Haas 1978 - Haas A. Sex-associated features of spoken language by four-, eight-, and twelve year old boys and girls // 9 th World Congress of Sociology. Uppsala, Sweden, August 1978.
Himes 1964 - Hymes D.(ed.) . Language in Culture and Society. N. Y .: Harper International, 1964.
Himes 1972 - Hymes D. On communicative competence // Sociolinguistics / Pride J. B. and Holmes J. (ed.). Harmondsworth: Penguin, 1972.
Holmes 2007 - Holmes M. What is Gender? Sociological Approaches. L .: Sage, 2007.
Chipen 1988 - Cheepen Ch. The Predictability of Informal Conversation. N. Y .: Columbia University Press, 1988.
Eckert 1989 - Eckert P. Jocks and Burnouts. N. Y .: Teachers College Press, 1989.
Engle 1980 - Engle M. Language and play: a comparative analysis of parental initiatives // Language: Social Psychological Perspectives / Giles M., Robinson A. and Smith D. (ed.). Oxford: Pergamon Press, 1980.
Notes
1 "Where a woman is, there is no silence" ( fr.).
2 That is, to be a facilitator in the conversation.
3 Prosody - the ratio of syllables in speech according to the criteria of stress, longitude and height.
4 " Of all creations, a woman would be the best
If the truth weren't otherwise:
Would you think that women
Chatting around and gossiping about their husbands?
No way! Rather, they sit on bread and water,
What will they do such a thing "( english., lat.).
5 " Come on lady, can we chat together?
While the men walk a mile after supper
Women have to chat for an hour - this is their exercise "( english).
6 " All the dads on the bus read, read, read ...
All the mothers on the bus talk, talk, talk ... "(english)
7 " It was pretty stupid, wasn't it? " ( english)
8 Significantly, unpleasant, disgusting, excessive ( english).
9 “My addictions are always very stable "," I must confess that there is something astonishingly tasteless "," I am so angry at all men for not admiring her - I creepy I grumble at them about this "( english).
10 Empty talk, gossip ( english.).
eleven " You wouldn't, please "; "I would really be very glad if you ..." ( english); "Could you please do this" ( fr.).
Male menopause (andropause) and marriage breakdown.
You've probably heard about crisis of "fifty" men, manifested as a consequence of male menopause or andropause.
According to scientific evidence:
1. At the somatic level, this phenomenon is characterized by a deterioration in general health.
2. On the mental side, it is accompanied by depression, sudden mood swings, internal stress and anxiety.
3. On the psychological level, it is manifested by a feeling of overcoming the peak of one's activity, one's own uselessness, a loss of faith in oneself.
4. At the physiological level - harmonious changes, namely a lowered level of testosterone (male hormone) and an increased level of estrogen (female hormone), which leads to a decrease in sexual desire (libido).
Let's dwell on the last . It is expected that during a crisis, expressed in sexual dysfunction, a man should be more focused on his spouse as the closest and dearest person (I mean happy marriages).
However, in practice, there is absolutely opposite trendOn the other hand, the sexuality of men increases dramatically.
And the wives of the climax or post-climax period, due to the loss of their external attractiveness, the husbands are no longer satisfied. Driven by libidinal motivation, men find other women who are usually much younger than they are.
And the fact that a spouse has another woman can be easily identified by a number of signs: by his increased attention to his appearance, unusual expressions and atypical behavior.
Husbands' attitudes towards wives are also changing radically. It can be expressed in excessive tenderness and sensitivity to the spouse, which, however, may indicate that he does not intend to leave his family. Or they are replaced by unreasonable pickiness and rudeness, in indicating shortcomings, which were previously present in the spouse, but right now they began to irritate them especially. This applies not only to the wife, but also to the children.
It's hard to believe, but during menopause, a man is able to abandon his family, including children.
And if the wife, who is aware of her husband's hobby, actively resists this, choosing inadequatefollowing the rules of the classical jealousy shape expressions, then men either leave their wives in order to avoid marital pressure, or simply divorce them.
The woman's behavior in this case should not be aggressive. She must understand that this is not an ordinary case of cheating that may have taken place in the past. Here she deals with her husband during the andropause period of their life, when hormonal imbalance is not present. Therefore, if she wants to save the marriage, she must remain very calm and resilient. I recommend taking psychological classes online in advance.
Thus, marriages with 20-30 years of experience or more begin to fall apart during andropause due to male infidelity.
And the well-known expressions "Gray in the head, the devil in the rib" and "Second youth" find here a direct embodiment.
And what about the family, wife, his grown-up children and, perhaps, the grandchildren who have appeared? What should they do in this situation?
They are trying to convince him not to leave his family and save the marriage. However, this may not work. The man does not hear any arguments, and does not accept any requests or complaints. Here we are dealing with another person with his changed psychology, because the physiology has changed due to menopause.
And for women in this very difficult period, the main and main thing is not to respond with suicide to adultery, do not leave life !!!
Probably, on the psychological level, betrayal is perceived as the collapse of one's own "ego", leading to an imbalance of all personal characteristics. The resulting jealousy as a personal response is destructive both for the person himself and for those around him. For example, the need to return a loved one can give rise to a desire to punish a rival, which can lead to a criminal outcome.
On the other hand, the inner state of hopelessness, longing and grief cannot last long. There are thoughts about the meaninglessness of existence, a feeling of the uselessness of oneself in this world. The feeling of betrayal and loss is experienced especially acutely, sometimes it is simply unbearable, and the situation can end tragically. I knew such women. One hanged herself, the other poisoned herself. Neither parents, nor children, nor grandchildren - it would seem, were the closest people to keep them.
Dear women, suicide is not a way out of this situation. The main thing is withprotect yourself, your health for yourself and your loved ones: children, grandchildren, parents. And myself! It is difficult, but possible !!!
Remember that your love life is not over yet. And while you are alive, everything can still change for you personally in the most unexpected way. The husband can come back and ask for a petition. And if you decide to keep the family, then you can turn to the available effective methods and recommendations to achieve how to do this at the stage of male menopause. If not, then female happiness will definitely come to you. After a while, you will see a woman in yourself, capable of believing in love, becoming loved, happy and desired.
In the meantime, take into account that the crisis of "fifty" men exists, and manifests itself as a consequence of male menopause or menopause (andropause). The consequences of this period may not affect your family relationships, if women know about it in advance and prepare for it in time.
I did not find in the studied sources a direct relationship between andropause and family conflicts. But, after analyzing this problem, I came to conclusion that in addition to the subjective claims of the spouse to his wife, for example, the activation of her negative character traits, misunderstanding, incontinence, marriages collapse objective reason, lying in the physiological changes of the male body, namely, in changes in hormonal structures.
Perhaps this physiological imbalance can be restored through harmonious regulation . To do this, you need to find out exactly what specific hormones cause these deviations and what therapeutic means to influence them.
However, another problem may arise here, the spouse does not want to take lekership, which reduces his sexual libido. eIn this case, you can seek help from a family psychologist.
Family conflicts due to the betrayal of a spouse are still a very widespread and urgent problem during andropause.
All spouses during this period violate marital obligations with the exception of 4 groups of men:
1. With serious health problems, when physical aches and pains prevent them from concentrating on renewed sexual needs.
2. With a strong addiction to alcohol, drugs, games or other addiction.
3. With financial dependence on the spouse or her relatives.
4. With firm moral and ethical principles regarding family and marriage.
Unfortunately, the number of divorces around the world is increasing during the age crisis of married men. Their growth predetermined special attention to this issue on the part of society. And the attitude to this phenomenon is unambiguous - by any means to preserve the marriage.
Huge information is presented on the Internet. Books and special weekly magazines are published on how to do this in practice.
Among those proposed and generalized by me are the following proposals:
1) Family psychologist consultations provide invaluable information on how to achieve family harmony and stability in marriage.
2) Visit to a sexologist. Learn sex, because there is no marriage without sex. Sex should not become a routine and a habit. Elements of novelty and sex appeal are essential attributes of happy marriages.
3) Contacting a urologist or andrologist during this period it is also necessary to assist in the normalization of harmonic balance.
4) Legal aid in the preparation of marriage contracts.
If for a number of reasons it is not possible to resort to real help from specialists, then their advice and all the necessary information can be obtained via the Internet.
In view of the increasing globalization of this problem, I would add one more point:
5) State legal support. It would be nice to achieve the introduction of an amendment to the current law of family and marriage, the essence of which is as follows: when setting up a new illegal family, a man must financially take care of the previous one. Violation of this legislation should lead to appropriate legal sanctions.
This law is already functioning in Muslim countries, and today, in conditions of social immorality, it would be necessary to adapt this law and others.
If you have any questions on this topic and wish to discuss it, please let us know.
Lina Sachek.
Internet portals used:
1. http://www.bodylogicmd.com
2. http://potencya.com/page.php?id\u003d152
3. www.stop-divorce-now.com
4. www. MarriageMiracle.com
5. www.SaveThe Marriage.com
6. http://www.manover35.ru/
7. www. keepyourmarriage.com
1. According to statistics, women live longer.
Men get tired faster than women.
- Women tolerate pain better than men.
- Women suffer less heart, liver, intestinal and kidney diseases.
- Women are not color blind.
- Men have a higher risk of developing Parkinson's disease
- Men are more susceptible to the formation of cholesterol plaques.
- Women have fewer heart attacks.
- Cirrhosis of the liver kills 2 times more men than women.
- Women do not suffer from prostatitis, and they are not threatened with impotence.
- With the same blood alcohol level, the average man loses orientation three times faster than the average woman.
- Women do not perceive an ordinary sore throat or runny nose as a serious illness, while saying "I am about to die."
2. Women tolerate stress more easily.
New lipstick gives us new life.
“Sometimes chocolate can really solve all our problems.
- Women, unlike men, can solve a problem simply by crying.
- A woman can quickly end any quarrel with crying.
- We know how to enjoy even little things like a new blouse or flowers presented to us
3. A woman can use her attractiveness to achieve her goals.
The shape of the priests has a positive meaning for employment, unless the future employer is gay.
- A woman can become rich and prestigious (for example, the wife of the president) only at the expense of her priests.
- If a woman is promoted, she may not say that she is sleeping with her boss
- If a woman is not promoted, she can say that the boss is a misogynist.
- A woman can sue the president for sexual harassment.
- We can flirt with the technical support staff who are always happy to help us if we break our computer.
4. A woman has many advantages in sex.
A woman can always have sex.
- The sexual world of a woman is much richer than a man's.
- While a man can only have one orgasm, a woman can experience a plus or minus ten.
- Female orgasm feels stronger.
- After an orgasm, men cannot have another orgasm immediately. Even if you really want to.
- If we want sex from a man, very few people can refuse us.
- A woman will never be complex about the size of her penis. A woman knows for sure if size matters.
- When women like a man, none of our organs betrays our feelings. A woman can get aroused in any decent company, since this will not in any way affect the appearance of her pants.
- Orgasm cannot have such consequences that it becomes necessary to control it.
- Men never know for sure whether a partner swallowed a contraceptive pill before sex or not. Only women know this.
- Women never have a thought: "what if it doesn't work out?" (will not get up).
- Before the act, you do not have to put on an elastic band in the fuss, fearing that you will lose your standing.
- Condoms do not make any significant difference in sex.
- Women never need to ask the question: did he have an orgasm? A woman always knows that all her man's orgasms are real.
- If women fail, orgasm can be imitated.
- After orgasm, men definitely have to wash, clean or throw away something.
- Men should not scratch themselves during orgasm. Biting is also not recommended. And women can!
- If you have sex with someone and do not call him the next day, you do not become the devil.
5. A woman can become a mother.
Women can give birth to children, which no man can.
- A woman is always sure that the child is hers.
- A woman can have as many children as she wants.
6. A woman can afford to be weak. Weakness brings benefits.
The women leave the sinking ship first.
- Women do not need to go to meet their beloved, so that he does not return home alone late at night.
- If a woman breaks her computer, the system administrator will not only be happy to fix it, but will also treat him to a chocolate bar.
- A woman can dine for free.
- A woman may not pay for a drink, because there is always someone willing to treat.
Women can cry - and not pay a speeding ticket.
- Women do not have to do unworthy (like taking out the trash can) or hard work - there are men for this.
- It is unworthy for a woman to poke around in a car - it is better to entrust it to a man.
- A woman doesn't have to go to the army.
7. Women are forgiven for many shortcomings
A woman can be flighty, inconsistent and a little capricious, this only gives her charm.
- If you are stupid, there are always people who will find it cute.
- If a woman has nothing to say, many men will be delighted with it.
- You can not be afraid to look like a complete fool, because it is still considered that every woman is by definition a fool.
- You may not understand at all how the car works, and at the same time the mechanic in the garage will understand that this is the way it should be, and will not make round eyes and go nuts, how did you never check the oil level?
- A woman does not have to come on time. Even if she was half an hour late, all you need to do is smile sweetly and apologize.
- A woman can have a different mood. We can justify our actions with critical days (5-6 days a month) or PMS (another 10-14 days).
8. Women are naturally more beautiful.
Women have no hair on their face, abdomen and chest.
- A woman does not need to shave every day.
- A naked woman is better and more aesthetic than a naked man.
- Women are not threatened with early baldness. Late, however, too.
- Women's feet do not sweat so much that washing socks is a nightly activity.
- No one will leave the room if you take off your shoes.
- Women will never have a goatee.
- When men gain weight, none of the body parts that make them sexier increase in volume.
- When we dance, we are not like a frog in a mixer.
9. Women can do much more with their appearance than men.
Women have the ability to dress themselves tastefully.
- In men's clothing (especially a shirt), women look sexy and petite. Men in women's clothes look like idiots.
- Women can choose what to wear, skirt or pants.
- A woman can wear a top if she is hot.
- Women can wear different jewelry (rings, chains, bracelets, earrings).
- Women can paint, paint their nails and wear heels.
- A woman can use perfume without making excuses that it is aftershave.
10. Women are more emotional.
Women have a wider perception of the world, they feel emotions better.
- Love for animals is very touching. We are capable of compassion and regret for everything that needs attention and help.
- Women are forgiven for screaming when watching horror films.
11. Society makes much more demands on men than women.
A man must keep his word, a woman can always change her mind.
- A man should always remain strong, earn good money, strive for a position in society, take care of a girl, accompany her, even if he himself is terribly tired.
“Women can cry, and our tears are not a manifestation of our“ weakness ”.
“Our friends don't think that as a best friend we should always lend them money.
- If in a company a woman does not want to drink with everyone, she may not drink, and no one will look at her crookedly.
- A woman can hug her friend and no one will think anything bad.
- If a woman is cheating on her husband, then people think that this is due to the fact that she is emotionally neglected.
- Women are given flowers just like that, and men only for funerals.
- Being a daddy's daughter is great, but a mama's son is ashamed.
12. Feminine thinking has its advantages:
Women have an intuitive conclusion about others (in difficult cases - more correct).
- We remember all the dates and phone numbers we need. And we don't need notebooks and "reminders" in our mobile for this.
“If we want to, we can understand a man. He succeeds much less often.
- We can do several things at the same time.
- We do not prove our mental superiority by force.
- Women remember the appearance of people better than men.
- Women are more attentive, assiduous, responsible.
We drive safer than men. This is due to the fact that women are better than men at being able to switch attention from one object to another, they are more careful when performing many operations and are more assiduous.
13. And finally:
A woman has 2 ways of self-realization in life - family and career. A man has only one path - self-realization is possible only through a career. He has no moral right to sit on his wife's neck. Consequently, there are more chances of not self-realization than a woman.
- A woman can not strain, seeking a hand and heart, but only calmly observe and choose. A woman does not need to look after, conquer, seek, only choose.
- A woman can only do what she likes. Fulfilling other people's whims is the lot of men.
- For many years, whole poems, odes, verses have been written about women by famous writers, poets and philosophers. The woman is admired. A woman is a muse, she inspires men to do things.
- A woman is the keeper of the hearth and traditions.
- A woman is a secret source of satisfaction of the desire to be loved and to love.
- A woman is closer to nature, space, spirituality.
- Nature, life, beauty, love, kindness, passion, strength, power, dream, tenderness, mother - the words of the feminine gender.
We will gladly post your articles and materials with attribution.
Send information by mail
When I accepted my determination and desire to act, my man became decisive and began to act!
We live in an amazing World in which everything is possible. There are those who have already come to harmony and happiness, and live enjoying every day of life, and those who still suffer and choose to fight every day for their happiness, with themselves, their world, remake themselves and change loved ones. And change is unsuccessful.
And it seems that everyone lives on the same planet, but they are separated by whole Universes - they have completely different worlds:
- Those who have already moved to the level of acceptance and harmony do not need to redo someone. They see power and light in every person. Who is there to heal, if you are already whole, you just forgot about it.
- Those who are still at the level of struggle and games of the mind wonder how one can be so calm and live in joy and harmony.
Hundreds of thousands of people around the world are being trained to heal themselves. But, understand, recognizing that you are sick or incomplete. Because everything we focus on tends to happen.
Read also: and see the positive in everything? It's all about where your focus of thoughts is directed, then you see.
Why do many of us work on ourselves:
- to be loved or recognized;
- so that the husband earns more, or becomes more successful;
- etc.
It is important not to remake yourself for someone else, it is from this that dissatisfaction and claims towards loved ones grow, but to work on yourself for yourself. To live in acceptance and harmony and, above all, yourself and your reactions and states.
- Admit it - this person reflects exactly your unresolved tasks, hidden deeply. Sometimes so much that in order to see them you need to show them amplified by 100 times. The great power of responsibility lies in telling yourself honestly.
- Work towards solving YOUR problems and show compassion towards yourself and those close to you. After all, they have their own pain-body and their own unsolved problems.
Many women around the world go through a bunch of trainings to reveal femininity in order to build peace and harmony in their souls. It's important to accept yourself! Including wild, indomitable energy and all the dark sides.
Read also: ... No one person can influence your life or create circumstances in your life.
Each of us is whole
We have both masculine and feminine principles. It is important to accept all parts of yourself. The man is not around? Or is there, but he doesn't care about you? And in general, are all the men around - weak? Women, revealing their femininity, do not realize that the men around them demonstrate their own masculine energy, very often suppressed and oppressed.
More often than not, the male energy within the woman needs healing. This energy returns the strength and determination to say “no”, to build boundaries, to leave a man with whom you do not feel happy, the ability to act, etc. The men next to you show the image of your inner man, written on the inside. If the men around you are weak, or they are not at all, then masculine energy must be healed.
Test
Close your eyes and imagine an image of your inner man (perhaps your inner man will be like your father, or the man who is now nearby, or you will see him as a very young boy who is afraid of everything). Take a look at it, examine it carefully and then everything will become clear.
Harmony inside creates harmony outside. Femininity is revealed completely next to masculine integrity and strength. But very often women are looking for a ready, strong man. And they do not admit that they attract weak men to their vibrations. After all, what's inside is outside!
Once, several years ago, I decided (when my vision was already open) to make a diagnosis for all the members of my women's club: to determine the amount of male and female energy inside all those present. I was sure that if men are near weak and weak-willed, you need to work on increasing femininity, which I have been doing for several years, practically unsuccessfully, or with small changes.
My surprise knew no bounds! For most women, the inner male energy was like a thin trickle, and the female energy was like a deep river. My reflections, working with a lot of women, and my own quick results after that confirmed that I was going in the right direction. In all subsequent sessions I asked which men are next to women. She explained why. And then we worked with healing and accepting the masculine energy within the woman.
Integrity on the inside gives rise to integrity on the outside
Embracing masculine energy helps your feminine energy unfold to its fullest. Shine in all its beauty. Male energy gives such qualities as determination, strength of mind, capable of revealing and directing the spirit of your man to create something beautiful in this world. Female energy is the ability to feel, thought to penetrate into the depths of all phenomena and objects. It is emotionality, spontaneity and harmony at the same time. It is to be in a state of flow and to Create. Together, masculine and feminine energies create yin-yang balance and harmony within you.
Read also: , about why it is necessary to heal male energy, about the transition to a new level of realization, and the balance of yin and yang.
When you fully accept your inner masculine energy, the man takes off the masks, he does not need to wear them anymore, because he played his role for you. He helped you wake up.Or another partner comes into your life that matches your inner state now. And you walk with a man hand in hand through life, doing a common cause. This is what women most often want.
One of the clues before that diagnosis a few years ago was the film Judha and Akbar. He prompted me to think that it is a strong-willed, integral woman who will be able to reveal herself and direct the strength of a man to creation. And a woman doesn't have to always be a soft kitty for that to happen.
A whole woman will unconsciously test a man, but, seeing him with her heart, she will idolize, which will make a man thousands of times stronger. She sees weaknesses. The strength of the mind and honesty towards herself and others, allows her to look openly and not close her eyes at everything that she sees in her man, and therefore in herself. And to see is to recognize, and to acknowledge and not to condemn is to dissolve.
If a man has enough courage and he does not give up, but takes it as an opportunity to know himself - he will know his inner woman, and therefore the Divine mother. Through him, an integral woman will cognize herself and her inner man, which means God the father. Recognize and accept and smooth out sharp corners, restore harmony in yourself.
