Sexual inviolability of the child. Crimes against sexual inviolability of minors

Sexual inviolability of minors

• The Constitution of the Russian Federation guarantees every person and citizen the protection of his rights and freedoms, including the right to sexual freedom and sexual inviolability

Sexual crimes sexual inviolability and sexual minors

• Sexual crimes are deliberate actions of the subject against those protected by criminal law sexual inviolability and sexual individual freedoms, as well as actions against moral and physical development minors

The main types of criminal offenses against the sexual inviolability of minors in accordance with the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation are: Article 131 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - rape; Article 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - violent acts of a sexual nature; Article 133 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - compulsion to actions of a sexual nature; Article 134 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - sexual intercourse and other actions of a sexual nature with a person under the age of sixteen; Article 135 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - lecherous actions

• According to all-Russian statistics, minors make up almost half of the number of victims of violent sexual crimes, are every fourth victim of rape, every third victim involved in prostitution

• Children under the age of 12 are usually victims of sexual abuse. Adult criminals take advantage of the fact that at this age the child does not yet understand what is happening, it is easier to intimidate him, to persuade him not to tell anyone about what happened.

• The abuser also hopes that at this age the child will not yet be able to describe what happened in words. Since the child's fantasies are often mixed with reality, then, probably, his story will not be believed, even if he tells something about it.

• Out of 7,598 people convicted of crimes against sexual freedom and sexual inviolability of the person, more than 2,000 had unreleased and outstanding convictions, and about 500 people committed these crimes, being released ahead of schedule.

• The early onset of adolescents' sexual activity negatively affects their behavior, harms their physical and mental health, deprives them of the necessary socially useful qualities, makes them difficult to educate, cripples them morally, which is the cumulative harm of sexual assault on minors

• In addition, on the part of the victim, there is a tendency to use alcohol and drugs, sexual promiscuity, promiscuity in the choice of acquaintances due to a tendency to have a fun pastime under unjustified gullibility

• As a rule, abused children are left alone with moral trauma.

• Sexual assault causes significant harm to the health of children and adolescents. The moral and psychological damage caused by these crimes cannot be assessed at all

• The more severe the trauma, such as from sexual assault, the higher the risk of suicide and the more profound the depression. Children who have been sexually abused can later develop deep emotional disturbances

• In order to toughen criminal penalties for crimes of sexual inviolability of minors, amendments were made to the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, which entered into force on March 02, 2012

• Thus, persons who have committed a crime against the sexual integrity of a minor under the age of 14 and who suffer from a disorder of sexual preference (pedophilia) that does not exclude sanity, the court may impose compulsory medical measures.

• When appointing this measure, a person who has been assigned a compulsory measure of a medical nature is subject to examination by a commission of psychiatrists at least once every six months to decide whether there are grounds for making a submission to the court to terminate the application or to change such a measure.

• Also, now for the commission of especially grave crimes against minors under the age of 14, life imprisonment is possible.

In particular, Articles 131, 132 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation were supplemented with new parts, the sanctions of which provide for punishment in the form of imprisonment for a term of fifteen to twenty years with deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for up to twenty years, or life imprisonment freedom, for the commission of a crime by a person who has a conviction for a previously committed crime against the sexual inviolability of a minor.

• For crimes against sexual inviolability of minors under the age of 14, a suspended sentence will not be imposed

• Article 63 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation has been supplemented with a new paragraph - the commission of a crime against a minor by a parent or other person who is charged with the responsibility of raising a minor by law, as well as a teacher who is obliged to supervise a minor is classified as an aggravating circumstance

The Criminal Code of the Russian Federation has also been supplemented by a new article 2422, according to which photographing, film or video filming of a minor for the purpose of making and (or) distributing pornographic materials or objects, or attracting a minor as a performer to participate in an entertainment event of a pornographic nature, eighteen years of age, are punished with imprisonment for a term of three to ten years with or without deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a term of up to fifteen years.

The same acts committed against two or more persons, by a group of persons by prior conspiracy or by an organized group, against a person under the age of fourteen, using information telecommunication networks (including the Internet), shall be punished with imprisonment for a term of eight up to fifteen years with the deprivation of the right to hold certain positions or engage in certain activities for a period of up to twenty years, or without it and with restriction of freedom for a period of up to two years or without it

• Report any facts of criminal offenses against minors to law enforcement

• In order to exclude the facts of committing criminal acts against juveniles, the Investigative Department calls on parents (legal representatives) to take comprehensive measures aimed at obtaining children with proper moral and sexual education, as well as exercising control over the pastime and social circle of children

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"If your children are in danger"
Pedophilia has become a serious problem lately. Therefore, we must take all measures to protect at least our own children.

How to save a child from trouble?

Both a girl and a boy can suffer from a pedophile. The gender of the child does not really matter to him. The pedophile is generally attracted to a body with signs of immaturity. Any child can become a victim, but there are children who fall into the hands of a rapist more often than others.

Oddly enough, these are obedient childrenwho perceive adults with great reverence. As a rule, they have strict parents who suggest that “the elders are always right”, “you are still too young to have your own opinion,” “the main thing for you is to obey adults.” When a pedophile offers to such children to go with him, they cannot refuse him.

Gullible children... A pedophile can offer to look for an escaped kitten together, play a new computer game at his house.

Closed, abandoned, lonely guys... These are not necessarily the children of homeless people and drunks. It's just that their parents are busy making money, and there is no warm, frank relationship between them. For an adult who has paid attention to such a child, he can go anywhere.

Children who seek to appear adults... A girl who paints her lips, wears earrings, gets on heels early; a boy with an expensive watch or a prestigious mobile phone is more likely to attract the attention of a pedophile. The perpetrator takes this as a message: I want to experience the same as adults.

Teenagers with Puritan Parents... Instead of helping the child cope with the awakened sexuality, they judge and punish him. An “uncle” who helps relieve stress becomes “best friend”.

Children with an interest in thug romance... Endless TV series about gangsters lead the child to the idea that real men are those who are in prison. Such guys can themselves look for friends from the criminal world.

THIS REMINDER IS INTENDED FOR THOSE WHO:

DOES NOT WANTto make his child a victim of violent crime.

READY work together with law enforcement agencies to seek deserved punishment for committing violent crimes against children and adolescents.

Observing safety rules, your child will be able to make the most correct decision in a difficult situation and avoid meeting a criminal.

To do this, the child needs to learn the "Rule of four" NOT "

• DO NOT talk to strangers or let them into the house;
• DO NOT enter the elevator or staircase with strangers;
• DOES NOT get into a car with strangers;
• DO NOT stay outside after school, especially after dark.

And what if a stranger just asks to show you the right street or bring a bag, take you to the store?

Teach the child to say "NO!"

Explain to your child that in such a situation, you can explain how to find the street, and in no case give in to persuasion to conduct, even if this person calls himself an acquaintance of one of the parents.

In what situations do you always answer “NO!”:

• If the child is offered to visit or give a ride to the house, even if this offer comes from neighbors;
• If a stranger came to school or kindergarten for the child, and you did not warn him about it in advance;
• If, in your absence, an unfamiliar person came home, forbid you to let him into the apartment or go somewhere with him;
• If a new acquaintance is treating your child, you must refuse the treat.

Teach your child to answer the requests of strangers: "No". Let him memorize a few phrases: “Thank you, but my parents forbid me to visit strangers,” “Sorry, but I’m not going anywhere,” “Leave me alone, or I’ll scream.” Practice with your child by acting out different situations.

Teach your child:

• Approaching the house, pay attention (look around) if someone is following and, if someone is walking, do not approach the entrance. Take a walk on the street for 15-20 minutes and, if a stranger continues to follow, tell about him to any adult you meet who comes to meet him.
• Never enter an entrance with a stranger. Better to wait for any other adult or come in with any woman.
• When entering the entrance, be sure to immediately close the door behind you (if there is a coded lock on the doors).
• If a stranger is already at the entrance (near the elevator, on the stairs), go outside and wait until one of the adults enters the entrance. You cannot enter the elevator with a stranger. Better to wait for him to leave or go on foot. In case of danger, shout, knock and ring the doorbell. Explain that in case of danger, this behavior is not only not ashamed, but simply necessary!
• Never enter into conversations with strangers, much less tell them who is at home (even if the stranger introduces himself as a friend or colleague of his parents, courier, postman, neighbor, etc.). Explain that you cannot accept gifts, toys, and treats from strangers. And even more so, do not go with a stranger, wherever he calls; do not get into the car with him. If the child is small, it is better to convey this information in the form of a fairy tale: “It will not be an uncle, but a disguised Barmaley. He will offend you if you go with him. " Tell the older child, “An adult can be good, but he can be bad. You cannot agree with him in everything and believe him! "
• Do not open the doors to the apartment if there are no adults at home (a stranger may ask for water, ask permission to call by phone, write a note to parents, hand over documents).
• All unknown suspicious people must be told to parents, educators and teachers at school!

What you can do yourself:

• Never leave a small child unattended on the street. If your children are of school age, have them always let them know where and with whom they spend time. Forbid the child from walking in dangerous places, making friends with children prone to vagrancy, and skipping school.
• Install a child finder program on your phone (some mobile phone companies provide the Supervised Child service).
• Be attentive to single men walking aimlessly near the entrance, in the schoolyard, near the kindergarten fence. Report this to the police. Sometimes it is enough for the district police officer to check the documents, as the pedophile disappears from the district.
• An intruder may be driving a car, he parks the car near the school and watches the children. If you notice a suspicious car, write down the number, remember its color, make, and fix the appearance of the driver or passenger in your memory. Report this to the school principal, security.
• Invite your child to return from lessons, from circles and sections in the company of classmates, if it is not possible to meet him personally.
• Install coded locks in the entrance, if possible, video surveillance cameras.
• Check if the attics and basements of the porches are well closed. It is these places that often serve as a place for committing crimes.
• There are known cases when a teacher or a coach turned out to be a pedophile. The directors either did not know about it, or simply closed their eyes. Therefore, do not be lazy, get acquainted with the male teachers, the coach, if the child goes to the sports section, attend the classes.
• If a child told you that he or one of the other children was being pursued by a man, exposed his genitals, made obscene proposals, immediately contact the police before the guys forget the signs of this face.
• Build a warm, trusting relationship with your child. Often it is precisely those children who are in trouble who lack love, affection and understanding at home.

Home is also not always safe

Teenage girls who begin to interact intensively with their peers, visit youth companies and acquire the first experience of intimate relationships should be prepared to be considered old enough so that intimate relationships do not stop at innocent kisses.

It should be remembered that most sexual assaults are committed not by primitive strangers with the appearance of a criminal, but by friends, acquaintances and even relatives. Half of the rapes do not take place in a dark alley in a park or an unlit entrance, but at the victim's home or at a party.

Explain to your daughter that when going on a visit, to an unfamiliar young man, or to a party in a large company, remember the following:

In most cases, the girl's very consent to go to a restaurant is regarded as a sign of consent to further intimacy. The subsequent resistance is perceived simply as a game.

If you feel uncomfortable, don't be shy. You need to leave or firmly declare your attitude to the situation, in general, say a decisive unequivocal "No!"

From the very beginning, clearly define the boundaries of possible relationships. This is the main principle of protection against rape.

If the harassment continues, there is no need to fear noise or scandal, for example, at a party, a few minutes of embarrassment is better than the risk of rape. In general, it is safe to go to a large company only with reliable friends, not to lose sight of each other and leave together.

• It is more difficult for a drunk person to navigate the situation and prevent violence. With unfamiliar people and at a big party, you should always stay sober, stick together with loved ones or closer to good friends.

No contact with the "risk group"

The risk group is alcoholics, drunkards, drug addicts, convicts, etc., even if they are neighbors or distant relatives. According to statistics, about a third of rapist murderers were previously convicted. Protect your child from communicating with them!

Children should not have provocative clothes and expensive jewelry.Often we ourselves endanger our children when we give them gold jewelry or follow the lead of our growing daughter by buying her a mini-skirt. The appearance of a girl can provoke a pedophile to attack. Even if your little daughter's ears are already pierced, it is not at all necessary to play outside in expensive earrings. The same applies to school, rings on the fingers and gold jewelry in the ears are unlikely to help progress, but they can attract the attention of a criminal, because your child is easy prey for him.

What to do when violence occurs in the family?

Unfortunately, such cases do occur. According to psychologists, two thirds of cases of violence are committed at home by close relatives of the child, and only one third in the street. Quite often, adults, whose child has suffered from violence in their own home, try to “not wash dirty linen in public”, fearing excessive attention from others, not wanting to bring to justice the rapists, to whom they feel related and not only related feelings. Domestic rapists (fathers, uncles, stepfathers), in most cases, remain unpunished, since it does not come to a complaint to law enforcement agencies. In such cases, the child, without receiving support from relatives who could protect him, lives with this pain all his life. Don't betray your children! Consider the fact that the person who committed the crime against your child and went unpunished can do it again. Contact the law enforcement agencies with your misfortune, which can stop the actions of the pedophile.

The most important thing

Each of us adults must understand the main thing for ourselves: in a civilized society there are no other people's children. For they are all OUR CHILDREN. Our future, our hopes and aspirations. And no one can protect them better than ourselves.

Scolding a child (as well as an adult!) - that is, more than decisively and convincingly asserting that he (she):

lazy person.
coward.
dumbass
freak,
scoundrel,
scoundrel

and etc., etc., up to and including the Source of World Evil, thereby and inspire that he is just that. Let us finally understand the simplest and most terrible thing. Ohm believes it. After all, they say this to him so that he would believe. - Is it not so? Why else? .. And why do they even say?
Words for a child for a very long time mean only what they mean, no more, no less. Any statement, and especially a convinced one, brightly emotional, is perceived literally and unambiguously, no figurative meanings. The adult game “Understand-On the contrary” is not learned immediately, but by the subconscious it is never learned at all. If:
no, nothing will ever come out of you! you're incorrigible! You are crazy! you are a real traitor, you have only one way (to prison, under the fence, to the hospital, to hellmother),then don't be surprised if it turns out to be so! After all, this is the most real direct suggestion, and it works, it works even after many years, even if, it would seem, is completely forgotten ... Or;
you do not love me, you are harassing me on purpose, I am your worst enemy, you are driving me into a coffin, you want me to go crazy, you want my death, - if you repeat once and twice. And the third - even this can be believed, with all the ensuing consequences. And you don't even have to be a child ... But he (she), of course, doesn't want Believe it! .. No, he doesn't want to, he can't !!!
The happiness of a child is that by 80 percent he simply does not understand the meaning of these words. It is happiness that his soul is so mobile, so resiliently cheerful, so he knows how to use oblivion. But the seeds of a grave inner discord have already been sown - discord with oneself, a conflict of self-esteem. Already he is shaken, broken in the most fragile spiritual basis - in his self-esteem, in the feeling of his Human worth.
“Why, it’s like water from a duck's back, like peas against a wall! Forgets in a second! And again for his own ... "
No! Not true, criminal blindness. Nothing is forgotten. Never.
Doesn't perceive, all the same, everything to the bulb? Protected. Is he rude in response, does it out of spite, scoffs? Protected. Promises to improve, but continues? ..
Protected. Defenseless.
What is left for him? ..
Or - the choice of the weak - to believe. Sooner or later, to come to terms with what he hears - in other words, to accept the imposed role and behave accordingly.
Or - the choice of the strong - not to believe, not to accept, not to reconcile, Fight! But how?..
As you like - but not the way you want it, be sure. Will do anything to prove not to you, which is still worth life in this world. And in the best case, it will preserve deep self-doubt and mental impairment for life. And at worst ...
Perhaps it is this “scoundrel-scoundrel-dumbass” who has escaped in the heat of the moment and will turn out to be “the very drop that will overflow the cup in ten years or five minutes ... And it will be irreparably late.
Comply with the law of personal integrity. Let us grasp this simple limitation; scolding a child (and an adult!), expressing his disapproval in any way. Never define him as a person. Do not touch, do not touch his personality! Determine only actions, only specific actions. Not "you are bad," but "you did badly." Not "you are cruel," but "you acted cruel." Not a scoundrel, not a traitor, but only acted, behaved - how.
Give only positive advances. Even if the most evil motives are undoubted, the darkest motives of the perfect act - cowardice, anger, cruelty, revenge, envy, greed, ingratitude - never talk about it. We risk not only making a mistake, but also suggesting in advance what is not there, or reinforcing what is available. Not let us forget that an adult is very often not aware of the true motives of his actions, that everyone has his own system of self-justification, his own protective inner righteousness and inner blindness, which are one and the same. Let him realize his motives himself, if he can, and if he cannot, then our definitions will still not help anything, but only strengthen in this blindness.
There is one fundamental difference in the approach to a person - a teacher and a judge. If a judge is obliged to be impartial and ruthless in this impartiality, then the educator will never psychologically make a mistake, deliberately ascribing to the child (and the adult!) Motives and motives better than they really are. He fights out of revenge and envy - you, firmly establishing and forbidding, at the same time assert that he got excited, flared up, that next time he will try to resist, because he is kind. He stole - you, firmly looking into the eyes, claim that he took it by mistake, by misunderstanding, that he himself wants to prevent this from happening again. He lied, deceived out of cowardice or for the sake of some profit - you, having discovered the deception, calmly declare that any lie will be exposed sooner or later, and explain his behavior by thoughtlessness, mistrust First of all to yourself. You are sure it goes without saying to you that he wants to be truthful, that he is quite capable of always acting openly and honestly. You inspire it to him.
Even if all this is 99 percent completely different! - but by your suggestion and expression of trust in the best in his nature, you "will achieve the best possible.
Careful with mockery. Sharp and dangerous weapon. In the hands of a kind and skillful person, it is capable of performing miracles, acting like a surgical scalpel;
in the hands of the evil and the stupid - like a guillotine. Applicable only to children and adults with a healthy psyche and a developed sense of humor, that is, only to those who is able to respond in kind and only with Such is it really effective.
Not it is forbidden to apply in relation to those suffering from one or another physical or mental disability, but only on the condition that this defect is not touched or only positively touched, with a plus for self-esteem. With heightened self-esteem (transitional age, nature) can be used only in homeopathic doses and only alone.
The ABVGD Rules and the Law of Personal Immunity are in full force. Better under-joke than over-joke.
Gentle, good-natured teasing, a good-natured joke, cheerful irony as a constant background of relationships is one of the best methods of education and re-education for all ages; however, without talent it is better not to approach him.
Indirect disapproval. A very powerful, subtle and varied method. Perhaps ten times more effective than direct.
One option that is often used spontaneously is simple ignorance. Do not express any assessments - put zero. Defiantly not to notice the deed. He is waiting for you now again for your own ... "The effect of surprise. Cannot be applied constantly, but from time to time it can act very strongly.
Clarification: it is one thing not to notice behavior, and another thing to not notice a person. Do not play the game of silence and guessing, do not show your bad mood in connection with something that the child must guess about. This is beyond the power of an adult's psyche.
Tell about someone who has done the same bad thing as your child, or similar - tell him or herself or someone in his presence. For little ones, it can be in the form of a fairy tale. At the same time, increased colorfulness and some exaggeration are permissible - so that everything is clear, and if, moreover, it is funny, then even better! It's not about him, no! - about someone else, but this ... Even if he doesn't show it, it will come, good chances ...
Tell, incidentally, about some of your past actions, which you now regret - explaining why, but not mentioning the child's behavior that is meant. One of the best methods for "all" ages.
Fear duality. There are moms and dads who are too self-contradictory. (Grandmothers and grandfathers, it happens, too.) Scolds "what the light rests on, but in intonation, and in the eyes: you know how I adore you, the only pig, you know that you have only one light in the window, that in the end I'll let you all ...
As if praising, as if showing attention and care, as if someone bov, and in eyes, but in gestures ... One hand stroking, the other hits ...
Be careful with demonstrative praise to others! This is also an indirect disapproval, but not the best.
Ironic praise. Beginning in the age of ten and sometimes even earlier can be a very good secondary method of expressing disapproval and relieve you of the need to yell, swear, lecture, etc. for a variety of reasons.
Spun the cup, finally, screwed up, broke. - “Well done, always do that. Beat cups, beat, it is more convenient to drink from a teapot. And hit the kettle too, smart guy, we'll drink from the bucket. Collect the pieces. " More economical and stronger than: "Well, how many times have I told you! .. What are you doing, such and such ... It's time already ..."
It especially affects proud adolescents, while softening the pain of criticism.
Yesterday I met in the yard a bitterly crying boy, about eight years old, - "What's the matter?" - "Mom will scold." - "For what?" - “I lost my gun. She bought, but I lost. ”-“ What, a good gun? ”-“ No, not really. For fifty kopecks. Earlier it was even worse, for three rubles. I immediately lost him ", -" And she scolded you? " - “Yeah. It would be better if I made a wooden one myself ... "
The worst punishment for a child is the expectation of punishment. And not even punishment, but what precedes it: our discontent, our grief, anger, misunderstanding ...
Forgetting about our childhood, that is, ceasing to understand both ourselves and the child, we do not guess how many precious minutes and hours, how many months, years, how many lives are poisoned by this expectation, this constantly guarded threat ...
We only really punish the child with our feelings. Is it not natural that those for whom this punishment is unbearable develop a defense in the form of mental stupidity, deafness to other people's feelings, no matter how thenwas not?
Ideal, probably, is the educator who never has to apply punishment, but for this you also need an ideal pupil ... Whether we like it or not, both punishment and encouragement are inevitable, as the colors of the rainbow enter our communication with the child. Let's not forget the words , said long ago and On another occasion: “Everything is poison and everything is medicine. Only the dose does one or the other. ”

Who else but a priest knows how often adult children and their elderly parents complain about each other: what complaints they do not express to each other! Who is to blame for these situations and how do you overcome them? Archpriest Dmitry Roshchin talks about conflicts between generations of children and fathers on the pages of the magazine for parents "Grapes".

By the way we treat our parents now, what problems we have with them, you can see how our society has changed over the last century. A hundred or one hundred and fifty years ago it was absolutely impossible to imagine a son who would blame his father for something; or a daughter who would have married without asking for parental blessings. The authority of the parents was unshakable, the correctness of their words was not discussed. Now, cases of complex and long conflicts between parents and children have begun to occur quite often. The reason is quite obvious: the destruction of the patriarchal order of our society, which was based on the Orthodox faith. Who is to blame for this: the revolution, the destruction of the rural community, urbanization - I will not go into the historical basis of this phenomenon now. Let's talk about its consequences: we have already grown up for several generations in families where there is no deep spiritual foundations, no hierarchy, no family traditions that would connect young people with old people. Fortunately, there are families that have managed to preserve both traditions and way of life, but these are more exceptions than a rule.

If our children see how we treat our parents well, then they will treat us with the same care.

It was the departure from tradition, from correct upbringing, from obedience in several generations that led to the fact that parents are now not perceived as a source of wisdom, a storehouse of important and useful information. As soon as children become more or less independent, parents become useless for them, while until the end of their days they should be domestic deities, a kind of prophets for their children. But since the parents themselves did not know God, they did not know how to bring up their children in faith and obedience, what values \u200b\u200bto instill in them. That is why such a disintegration took place. Nowadays, parents themselves often do not want to burden their adult children with their presence. And children are often burdened by them: they have nothing to learn from them, they have already taught their children everything they could. So everyone is trying to live separately in order to less conflict. Another thing is that by caring for our elderly parents, we not only pay tribute to them, but also set an example for our children. If our children see how we treat our parents well, then they will treat us with the same care. But for some reason we do not take this into account!

Nobody is perfect!

"Fathers, do not provoke your children" (Colossians 3:21)

Can we condemn our parents for being unfair to us? It seems to me that the answer to this question can be found in the commandment to honor the father and mother. The very concept of "reverence" does not allow any evaluation. Children should never become judges for their parents. Unless, if we are talking about some flagrant crimes, when parents abandon their children, etc. But then these cases fall into the field of some kind of legal relations, then we are not talking about living under one roof. It's just that some everyday grudge against parents for not giving something to their children is, in my opinion, a pointless thing. We are all sinful people, and you cannot idealize anyone, including your parents.

Are we obligated to live with our parents? No, we don't have to. Today our living conditions have changed a lot, much depends on work, school, etc. Living with our parents is not always convenient, perhaps, and not always necessary. This is very individual: someone lives with their parents and rejoices, while someone else's family is falling apart because of this! Another thing is that we must definitely take care of our parents, so that they do not feel abandoned. What does it mean? How to determine the measure of attention that we should give to parents: how many times a day to call, how many times a year to visit? It is clear that there is no clear framework here either. But here it will be useful to recall the words of the Apostle Paul, which he addresses to his parents: “Fathers, do not provoke your children” (Colossians 3:21). It seems to me that this is about parents not demanding more from their children. We make certain demands on children. If children comply with these requirements in some way, then there is no need to try to force them to comply with everything. You don't have to constantly strive to make children better and better. If we ourselves were perfect, we could demand the same from children, and hardly! Even if our requirements are based on love for children, they are annoying, because children think that they have already done a lot.

Do parents need to repent?

At first glance, years of protracted conflicts between adult children and their elderly parents seem insoluble. But everything is resolved within the Church - through confession, repentance, reconciliation. If we cannot forgive some insults, we need to confess them. And then, when we say: “Lord, we are offended, this is our pride,” we begin to somehow struggle with it. Only on your own it is impossible to get rid of the resentment that your fate, by the will of your parents, did not turn out the way you would like. If you think your parents were wrong about something, forget it! Otherwise, you will carry it in yourself until the end of your days, and this will be the reason for new and new conflicts. As a rule, one who is demanding of himself is indulgent towards others; and vice versa: the indulgent towards himself makes increased demands on others. We always have something to love for, something to be grateful for to our parents: they gave us life, shelter, education. There are many people who do not have this love. But then they need to try to acquire it! It is for this that church sacraments exist - other mechanisms are unknown to me. I believe in grace, in the Divine transformation of man. All of us, according to our faith, receive from the Lord what we ask for. The one who asks the Lord for love receives love that will reconcile us with everything and everyone. But if you do nothing in order to forgive, then you will continue to suffer with your unresolved grievances until the end of your days.

As a rule, the one who is demanding of himself is indulgent towards others, and vice versa

In Soviet times, the holy fool St. Afanasy Saiko, canonized by our Church not so long ago. He approached people on the street and asked: "Well, are the dead sleeping?" People did not understand what he was talking about, but he talked about those passions that were inside people, but did not manifest themselves at the moment. We can force our will to pacify our grievances, but we are unlikely to be able to completely eliminate them. So it turns out that as soon as there is peace in the relationship, our "dead" again remind of themselves, giving rise to another conflict. There is such a concept - "spiritual immunity", which weakens without communion, deep confession, prayer.

We all receive from the Lord what we ask for in the measure of our faith.

Another remarkable ascetic of our time, said that when a person begins to dig deep into himself without God, he very quickly gets to the bottom of that emptiness of nothingness from which he was created. That is why, if you really want to get rid of negative emotions towards your parents, you need to not only use some auto-training techniques, but ask the Lord about it.

Returning to the topic of the loss of spiritual ties between generations, it must be said that not many of us came across parents who turned out to be so talented that they realized their mistakes in upbringing, repented before their children and at the same time kept a distance in their repentance. But how much we need, and most importantly, how useful is parental repentance? If you demand from your father or mother that they repent of something before you, then how perfect you yourself must be so as not to perceive their repentance as your own victory. Otherwise, the words of repentance will turn out to be fertile ground for rooting your pride: "Since you, father, repent, then it means that I am better than you, and now you will not be me, but I will lead you."

In spiritual life there is such a rule that if among your spiritual children there are those who have become priests, then you cannot confess to them, so as not to give them reason to be proud that they have surpassed their spiritual mentors in some way. The Lord wisely hides the sins of their parents from children, because when children learn something secret about their parents, especially from themselves, then a revolution begins inside the children! Parents need to think about this before confessing something to their children. Of course, it is possible and necessary to admit some obvious shortcomings, but one cannot go further than this, such repentance may turn out to be that Pandora's box that will destroy an already fragile relationship.