“Act like a woman, think like a man. Why men love, but do not marry, and other secrets of the stronger sex "
Only a man can decipher the behavior of other men and suggest how to act correctly in various situations. Millions of women around the world have trusted Steve Harvey in this matter. Fun and honest - this book tells you what men really think about relationships with women.
"Rules. How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams "
Tired of a hopeless relationship? For those who know the Rules, this problem does not exist. Following them, Kate Middleton married a real prince, Beyoncé found the man of her dreams, and Blake Lively won the heart of more than one Hollywood bachelor. "Rules", tested by time and millions of women, will lead you to the desired goal: help you marry the man of your dreams and keep your love forever.
“More than just beautiful. 12 secret powers of a woman, before whom it is impossible to resist "
Do you want to defeat men in their own field? Make them dream of you? Never again let them disappoint you? To get whatever you want in a relationship, you just need to learn how to control the forces that you already have. Kara King talks about 12 powerful powers that absolutely every woman has.
“The rules of a smart wife. You are either right or married "
Many women manage to catch a man, but how many are happily married? In this book, you will find 40 rules for maintaining harmony and understanding in marriage. You will receive answers to all your questions, learn how to successfully overcome any conflicts, find a compromise in any dispute and just be a happy couple.
Introduction
Nobody dies from lack of sex. Die of lack of love.
Margaret Atwood
Do you want to meet the man of your dreams? Do you need everlasting love? Do you agree that novels should give exclusively joy, shining eyes and pleasure? Are you ready to do without tears, difficult breakups, jealousy and lack of reciprocity? Do you dream of enchanting sex, which does not get boring over the years, but becomes brighter? Then welcome to our club! Lucky Club in Love!
Love is a gift!
Love is a powerful charge of happiness, energy, joy and well-being.
Love is the strongest incentive to look your best, be young, beautiful, sexy and successful.
Love is absolutely free pleasure available to everyone!
Most of us no longer believe in true love. Others think that true love lasts a couple of years, and then it is replaced at best by friendship and mutual respect, and at worst by indifference or dislike. Still others are afraid that true love will have to pay for: tears, quarrels, suffering.
Since you are holding this book in your hands, it means that you are ready to find your love! Moreover, you deserve it! And now, and not after ten / twenty / thirty years of hard work on yourself. And I hope this book can easily help you bring that joyous moment closer. I wouldn't be surprised if you finish reading the last chapters, snuggled up in the arms of the man of your dreams.
However, the result will depend solely on you.
And this is the main advantage and main principle of NLP: your personal life depends only on you! You are the sole author of all your novels, and only you decide whether to end the novel with a happy ending or a tragic breakup.
So, it all depends on you! Not from your appearance, not from your luck, not from your zodiac sign, not from men, not from circumstances, but only from you.
You may not believe it at first. Especially if your past romances were not particularly successful. Maybe this assumption will even outrage you. Well, it turns out that I myself am to blame for the fact that my boyfriend cheated on me / rude / beat / was married, etc. ?! Well, I myself brought on all these love failures ?!
Alas, yes. However, this is by no means your fault! This is just your trouble. You acted as best you could, tried your best, and as a result came to the current situation. But that doesn't mean anything! After all, having received new information, having learned some secrets about how relationships are built, you can get anything you want! Everything!
All you need to do is change your mind slightly and look at the world from a new perspective. Don't you believe that everything is so simple? So that's great! Do not believe! Better check it out! Practice shows that the greatest results are achieved by those who do not take their word for it, but check everything on their own experience.
NLP, or neurolinguistic programming, is a science that allows you to change the way of thinking and, accordingly, your life in the shortest possible time.
Neuro-linguistic programming can be used in any area of \u200b\u200blife: health, career, improving financial situation, communicating with people, negotiations.
But it is especially important to use this technique in love. After all, when it comes to personal life, we usually want to get everything as quickly as possible. We don't want to wait twenty years to meet our prince. And they are not ready to endure until the age of sixty, so that he finally decided to make an offer.
No, we want to love and be loved right now. This is why NLP is perfect for our purposes. It is the fastest and most efficient branch of psychology.
How NLP Works: Real Life Examples
If you're interested, here's an example of how quickly NLP techniques can work.
Veta, 49, has been complaining for ten long years that she is too lazy and cannot bring herself to go to the gym. When, after a hormonal illness, she noticeably gained weight, the question of a gym became even more relevant. All her acquaintances advised her to start playing sports, but Veta stubbornly continued to repeat: “I am too lazy for sports. I never have the willpower to practice regularly. Yes, I’ll go for a couple of classes, and then I’ll give up anyway. I’ll only spend money in vain on a subscription. To be honest, I even just go to the club and find out the class schedule, and that's too lazy. It is full of other, more useful things. " The funny thing is that Veta was never lazy to complain about her own laziness. Her main problem was that she did not believe in herself. She was deeply convinced that she could never discipline herself and show willpower.
For fun, I asked her to do a simple NLP confidence-building exercise (I will definitely describe this exercise in the pages of this book). Since it took 15 minutes at most, Veta was not at all too lazy to do it. I asked how it felt. She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know, maybe this will work ... we'll see." But there was not much confidence in her voice. However, the next day she went to a fitness club and took a monthly membership. I asked what was the incentive. And Veta said that at night she had a strange dream.
- I dreamed that I went into a very beautiful, elite fitness center and met my best friend there. She worked out in the gym and looked great at the same time - twenty years younger! I was so offended by her in my dream. Why did she go alone and not invite me with her for company? I really need it! And if I went with her, I would surely look just as great now!
Impressed by this dream, Veta bought a subscription. And for 6 months now she has been regularly practicing Pilates twice a week. The most amazing thing is that she absolutely does not have to force herself or resort to strain her will. She does it with pleasure. And she gets really upset if I have to skip class.
So quickly, in just one night, the brain can learn a new program and give the body the right command.
Another positive example was shown to me by another girl,
Alina, 22 years old.
For five years, Alina suffered from a hopeless relationship with her boyfriend.
“We met from school,” Alina says, “we loved each other, but we just couldn't get along. We both have explosive tempers. The slightest disagreement immediately turned into a wild quarrel with screams, tears, even fights. We dispersed and converged, probably a hundred times. Every time my boyfriend asked for forgiveness, assured that this would not happen again, promised to keep himself in hand. But after some time, we again began to violently conflict, and for the most trifling reasons. "
Alina has long been interested in positive psychology and personality development. And so I decided to try NLP techniques.
- When we parted again, I decided to find a new love. I knew from experience that if I stayed alone for a long time, I would eventually get bored and return to my ex. And I didn't want that. I wanted a completely different relationship. Then I used model of well-formulated NLP outcome.
The result is an image of your goal, designed to understand what needs to be done and how to act. The trick of the “well-formulated result model” technique is that if you formulate the goal correctly, then the formulation itself will already contain a hint on how to achieve what you want.
This is exactly what Alina did. Having formulated what kind of relationship she needed and with what man she would like to build it, the girl immediately understood how to act.
- After answering the questionnaire of a well-formulated result, I realized what my mistake was, - Alina says, - I wanted a serious relationship, but at the same time I met only with infantile young guys who simply could not give me such a relationship. I suddenly realized that I needed an older man: successful, intelligent and confident. With whom I will be interested, from whom I can learn a lot. I also realized that I want to find a man without bad habits, in good physical shape, with a beautiful body. And also - so that he takes me seriously and is ready for life together. And then it dawned on me that it was definitely not necessary to look for this in nightclubs, as I usually did. I bought myself a subscription to an elite SPA center with a sauna, swimming pool, tennis courts. It wasn't cheap, but it automatically guaranteed a good social circle. Only successful people went here to relax. In the first month of my visits, I met an attractive man. He did not drink, did not smoke, did not walk. And just got divorced from his wife. And he began to go to the spa in order to put his body and nerves in order after a severe break. We quickly hit it off and started dating. And I realized that most of the problems in my personal life are from the fact that we complain too much about the flaws in the relationship, instead of formulating goals in love!
So, in order to achieve the goal, you need to formulate it as competently as possible! After all, the goal is abstract, and the result is always concrete! So be specific about your goal! And it will turn from a distant destination into a specific path that you can walk. To do this, you just need to answer a series of questions. Fill out this form as detailed as possible. And it is quite possible that today you will receive a hint on how to act and what you need to do to find your love.
Well-formulated result model
1. What exactly do you want?
Answer this question in one sentence. Formulate your desire using the formula
I + the predicate in the present tense without the "not" particle + additional conditions.
For example: I easily meet the man of my dreams, and we start a happy, harmonious relationship.
I easily marry a beloved and loving man.
Try to keep the goal as specific and clear as possible. No dirty tricks and ambiguities. After all, if you make a guess: “I meet a handsome and rich man,” then the goal is likely to be fulfilled literally. You will meet this rich handsome man somewhere on the street, but he will just walk by. And if you think "I fall in love easily," then you may not fall in love mutually. So try to fit all your wishes in one sentence. By the way, listing all the qualities of the future chosen one here is not a very effective way. The more minor details the subject of your fantasy has, the more requirements you make, the longer your order will take. So try to be laconic and more specific, specifying only what is necessary. The most capacious formulation: "beloved and loving man." Instead of ordering a handsome man with blue eyes, blond hair, biceps, height from 185 cm and always wearing D&G jeans, it is better to just order a "sexually attractive man".
2. What will the possession of this result give you?
Answer this question and you will know the motivation! Why are you really looking for love?
3. Do you see yourself as the owner of this result?
To make the goal feasible, draw in your imagination a very vivid picture of the desired result. Imagine yourself in love and beloved! Or a happy bride. Or a cheerful wife!
By the way, NLP trainers recommend presenting yourself as dissociated, that is, as if looking at yourself from the outside. If you look at the picture of “happy love” with your own eyes, like a participant in the picture, then your brain will receive a signal that you have already achieved a result, and will transmit the appropriate command to your body. And if you imagine a picture of “happy love” and see yourself from the outside, then consciousness will receive a signal: this is my goal, this is what I am striving for, this is the direction in which I am moving.
4. How do you know that you have achieved a result?
- What will you see when you achieve the result?
- What will you hear when you achieve the result?
- What will you feel when you achieve the result?
We perceive the world around us in pictures, sounds, sensations. In the same way, we can feel our purpose.
If you have formed in your imagination a visual image of the desired result, it, of course, will launch the necessary mechanism for materializing desire. But this process will be accelerated many times over if we supplement the picture of “happy love” with appropriate auditory and kinesthetic images (that is, sounds and sensations).
So it is necessary to construct in the imagination the most vivid images, preferably in 3D format, and even with Dolby Digital Surround soundtrack! They will begin to influence the subconscious, and the subconscious, in turn, will give the command to the body. And when the body feels the anticipation of happiness, first of all, you will look prettier before our eyes (after all, the brain will program the body so that it looks better). Well, and secondly, it will begin to move, to function in such a way that your order for happy love is realized. You yourself will feel where you need to go, how to behave, what to say and do in order to easily get what you want. Your behavior will be automatically programmed to get the desired result!
5. Who controls your result?
(Check if your goal is related to other people? Is its implementation dependent on someone other than you?)
Alas, even the most experienced NLPer is unable to completely control other people. Of course, in NLP there are some methods of indirectly influencing a person. However, ordering a goal: “Let Vasya leave his wife and love me” or “I want Tom Cruise to fall in love with me” is not very effective. If you are not mutually in love now, think about what you need more: the love of a specific person or just happy mutual love? Because you can choose an easier way: fall in love with a man who will reciprocate you (and who, quite possibly, will be a hundred times more beautiful, sexier, smarter, more successful than the notorious Vasya). In NLP it is always preferable to depend only on yourself. And if you order the love and good attitude of another person, then you deliberately put yourself in a dependent position. In the following chapters, we will talk about how to influence people and how to make any man fall in love with you. But for now, you should carefully weigh everything and ask yourself: is it worth the candle?
Also, you cannot directly change the other person. No matter how much you repeat: "My husband appreciates me and stops cheating on me," the spell is unlikely to work. After all, it is your own, and not his subconscious, you program. So formulate your order differently: “I am the most attractive to my husband. I easily achieve his loyalty. "
6. In what situations will it be inappropriate or useless to achieve a result?
Can you imagine the circumstances that will discourage your desire to find happy love / get married, etc.?
7. Where and when would you like to receive your result? Are you ready to have this result all the time and under any circumstances?
What seems tempting to us in one situation may seem like hell in another. It is necessary to formulate the result in such a way that it is attractive to us in any context.
8. What can you lose if you reach your goal? What are you risking?
Sometimes we ourselves block the fulfillment of desire, because we are afraid of losing something important. A woman may want to get married and at the same time subconsciously be afraid of being deprived of freedom. You can dream of love and at the same time keep your feelings in check, fearing that if a man turns your head, he will break your heart.
In each of us, a battle between mind and feelings, consciousness and subconsciousness can go on for years. To end this confrontation and eliminate the contradiction, you must first realize it. So, realize that now you are deriving some benefit from the fact that your goal has not been realized yet. Finally, understand what exactly this benefit is. Are you ready to abandon it in the future in order to achieve your goal?
9. What do you already have to achieve the desired result and what else do you need?
By answering this question, you will learn a lot about yourself. For example, that you already have tons of useful resources that will help you find happy love. For example, appearance, age, life experience, a beautiful smile, easy disposition and easygoing character. Think about all your qualities and think about how they can help you achieve your goal. You will be surprised: anything can become your weapon! Do you know a foreign language? Excellent! This means that you have more choice of men, because you can have an affair not only with compatriots, but also with foreigners. Are you far from 18 years old? Well, wonderful! You have seen a lot and know a lot. Your wisdom will work for you. Divorced? Perfectly! This means that you have some experience of family life, and it will help you avoid many mistakes in new relationships. Do you have ten children? That's wonderful! So you can immediately check your boyfriend. Agree that a man's attitude towards children says a lot about him as a person. You will immediately know what kind of frame he is.
10. Have you managed to achieve something like this before?
If you were happy in love for at least a day, it means that you, in principle, are capable of it! It is a well-known fact: if you were able to do something at least once, then you can definitely repeat it! And even improve the result!
11. Do you know someone who managed to achieve the result that you dream of?
If your friends succeeded in it, then you will succeed even more! Try to look for and find among your friends and family examples of happy relationships, successful marriages, and true love. If they did, then you can too! Throw away envy. Gain confidence. This is a very real goal. Someone has already reached it. And you're already on your way to her. Excellent! Soon you will join the ranks of the lucky ones.
So now you know how to correctly formulate a goal. You see that a competent formulation allows you to learn a lot about yourself. For example, why haven't you achieved what you want yet? And what obstacles do you need to remove along the way? And one more thing: HOW you need to act, WHAT to take to get what you want as soon as possible?
Most importantly, remember: NLP is not a theory, it is a purely practical, applied science. Therefore, I hope that you will not be satisfied with the examples given and will want to experience everything on your own experience! Start practicing now. This will be the best proof of the effectiveness of NLP.
Practical task number 1.
Let's digress a little and dream ...
Think hard and answer:
- What kind of men did your parents always advise you? What kind of relationship did they recommend you? What ideas about love, sex, marriage have you inspired since childhood? Which suitors were approved and which were not? What did you advise?
- What novels are listed in your company? What kind of men do your girlfriends dream of? What kind of relationship are you striving for? What do you advise about your personal life?
- What films, books, television series and programs about love are you used to watching? Who are your idols? Which heroes do you consider the most beautiful, exemplary couple? Romeo and Juliet? Eugene Onegin and Tatiana Larina? Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big? Scarlett and Rhett Butler? What was the end of their relationship? Happy end? Or a tragic ending?
Try writing down your thoughts on a piece of paper or sketching them! This will help you create and clearly see a holistic image of your worldview.
Now that you've made a rough picture of your environment, try to distract yourself from it! Think about how YOU would like to see your personal life? What do you dream about? If you are alone, what kind of man would you like to meet? If you are a couple, what would you like to change? How do you envision a perfect romance? Try to be as honest with yourself as possible. Drop other people's standards. Think about what you would like !!! Not your parents, boyfriend, neighbors, etc.
For clarity, you can not only make a list of your needs, but also sketch them. Or make a collage of photos, pictures and scrapbooks.
The fact is that many girls themselves do not realize what they want in love. And they often replace their own desires with others. For example, your parents want you to get married. And so you begin to inspire yourself that you want to start a family. But in fact, deep down in your soul, you would love to go to hot countries and start a hurricane, passionate, albeit unpromising romance with a sultry Latin American.
Or vice versa: your girlfriends say that there is no need to fall in love, it is better to be content with sex without obligation. And now you imitate their way of life, although you yourself, perhaps, would prefer instead of a crowd of disposable lovers to find that very One.
So, this is your chance to dot the i's.
- How do you imagine your ideal personal life?
- What kind of relationship are you looking for? What emotions do you need? What sensations do you want to get?
One of the popular directions in practical psychology is neurolinguistic programming or NLP (not to be confused with neurolinguistics). And despite the fact that the academic community does not recognize NLP technology, some studies confirm the effectiveness of this method. And many people turn with their psychological problems to specialists who practice neurolinguistic programming. In this article, we will tell you what NLP is, where the techniques and techniques of direction are applied, and also reveal the essence of some neurolinguistic techniques.
Direction history
NLP founders J. Grinder and R. Bandler gathered around themselves a group of scientists, psychotherapists and students in the 60s of the last century. For about 10 years, the team was engaged in conducting seminars, practicing skills, methods developed by them. This period is considered the beginning of the development of NLP therapy. For half a century, neurolinguistic programming has rapidly developed into a popular system of techniques and techniques that are used in various areas of psychology, business, relationships and self-development. But the academic community does not recognize the direction of NLP in psychotherapy, considering it parascientific. NLP psychotechnics are often compared to manipulation, so many are wary of them. And some of the techniques of NLP are considered unethical by the most zealous critics. Many works have been written on the theory and practice of the direction. One of the most popular books on neurolinguistic programming is The Secret NLP Techniques by Danny Reid.
What is the essence of the concept?
Let's try to figure out what is and how does NLP work? What is the key concept of the direction based on?
The essence of NLP is that reality is always subjective, determined by the beliefs and world map of a particular person. This means that the transformation of beliefs, perceptions and behavioral changes can change reality.
The basics of NLP are created on modeling the behavioral manner of successful people, in particular, gestalt therapist F. Perls, hypnotherapist M. Erickson and master of family psychotherapy V. Satir. Neuro-linguistic programming is due to a set of relationships between speech forms, experience, body and eye movements. One of the key tasks of NLP is the destruction of destructive patterns, patterns of behavior and thinking. This is what all NLP techniques and psychotechnics are basically aimed at. Another important area of \u200b\u200bNLP is motivation, study and correction of human stimuli and impulses for action.
Most of the evidence-based experiments show that NLP techniques in psychotherapy are not effective and contain factual errors, although it should be mentioned that some studies have shown a number of positive results. The use of NLP technologies in psychotherapy is questioned by many scientists, first of all, due to the lack of efficacy reliably confirmed by experiments. Critics also point to the pseudoscientific nature of the concept, classifying NLPers as fraudsters, and the NLP techniques used in psychology as discredited practices.
Theoretical basis
To learn the basics of neurolinguistic programming, you need to understand the specific terminology. One of the important concepts is the NLP theory of anchors. Anchors in NLP are consciously or unconsciously established fairly strong conditioned-reflex relationships. The human brain is able to anchor emotions, memories, events. Anchoring in NLP is used primarily to replace persistent negative experiences with positive ones. The anchoring system can include gestures, sounds, smells, touches, etc. In NLP, conscious anchoring occurs according to certain principles. The term rapport in NLP refers to the quality of the relationship between two people in a communication system. If the communication is confidential, easy, without stress, then the rapport is good. This is especially important when establishing contact between the therapist and the patient during psychotherapy. All NLP models consist of three stages of human behavior for influencing the interlocutor in the process of communication: joining, consolidating, leading. For example, the metamodel of language was developed based on observations of the work of famous psychotherapists. Its study allows you to identify stereotypes of a person from his style of speech.
NLP metaprograms are defined as basic perceptual filters based on individual thinking characteristics. These include: the way the world is classified, time, persuasion factors, motivation. Often, professional NLPers occupy personnel positions in large corporations, as they are able to select personnel based on an assessment of a metaprogram portrait. Submodalities are not related to the content of information, but to the way it is presented. If modalities are channels for obtaining information (visual, kinesthetic, auditory), then submodalities are sensory differences in its presentation. They are individual for each person. By changing submodalities, we can control perception, attention, assessment, and are able to control the state. Predicates are words related to a particular representational system that a person uses to describe. Visual, for example, when describing events will say: beautiful, seen, bright. And the use of the kinesthetic representational system is evidenced by the predicates: feel, cold, soft.
NLP principles and rules
The basic principles of NLP according to Robert Dilts are as follows: “the map is not a territory” and “life and mind are systemic processes”. The basic presuppositions of NLP are formulated in such a way that they reflect the fundamental principles of NLP. Presuppositions can be thought of as aphorisms of belief. To become more effective in life, you need to learn the following rules of NLP:
- Any behavior is communication. This means that a person is always on the flow of receiving and transmitting information. This involves gestures, facial expressions and any other actions. You should be more attentive to what you are doing, how you behave, because at this time others are reading information.
- People are guided not by the world, but by their own model. In fact, each person has their own cards of "honesty", "love", "friendship", etc. Realizing that the interlocutor's phrases only reflect his picture of the world, it becomes easier to communicate with people
- People always choose the best available opportunity. For example, if a person once managed to achieve what he wanted with the help of blackmail, he will continue to resort to this scenario if he does not see a better opportunity. Knowledge of this rule allows you to avoid superficial judgments about others.
- In communication, it is not your intentions that are important, but the interlocutor's reaction to you. If you want to get something out of a person, spend more time not with your arguments, but with their reactions to them. If you notice that the other person is bored, change your communication tactics.
- There is a positive intention behind every action. Even the bad habit of smoking reflects the intention to calm down, relieve stress. If you understand the intrinsic motives of actions, you can find other ways to get what you want.
The concept of logical levels
The author of the logical level model is R. Dilts. All processes and elements of subjective experience can be arranged according to levels that affect each other. Changes at higher levels lead to inevitable changes at lower levels. This does not always happen in reverse order. Consider the logical levels of NLP from lowest to highest:
- Environment - a static level that describes a person's environment, social circle, interests, everyday experience. Answers the questions: "What?", "Who?", "Where?" and others.
- Behavior is the level of human interaction with the environment, change and movement. The main question is: "What is it doing?"
- Abilities are individual personality traits based on perceptual experience. This is a strategic level, the main question of which is “How?”.
- Beliefs and Values \u200b\u200b- This is a deep structured level responsible for a person's intrinsic motivation. The main question of the level: "Why?" This is, in fact, the core of the personality, which is formed by about 10 years of age and changes very difficult. However, changes at the level of beliefs strongly affect all lower levels.
- Identity - we can say that this is the level of personality that describes who a person feels himself to be in a global sense. The main question is: "Who am I?"
- Mission (transmission) is a spiritual level that goes beyond the vision of one's personality, something elusive, the highest meaning and purpose of a person.
Fields of application of neurolinguistic programming
NLP techniques are used not only in medicine, practical psychology and psychotherapy, they can be useful in everyday life as well. For example, the book "Secret Techniques of NLP" describes various methods of influencing the consciousness and subconsciousness of a person. A number of NLP techniques help you to communicate with others to achieve the desired results. Ericksonian hypnosis, based on non-verbal methods of connecting to an interlocutor, is used by psychiatrists to treat severe neuroses, communicate with clinical introverts, and help a person overcome a catatonic stupor. If there is no rapport - empathic connection - you will not enter into resonance with the interlocutor. And all your speeches directed to him will bounce like peas from the wall. This is the main idea of \u200b\u200bErickson's hypnosis. By the method of NLP self-programming through a meditative state or self-hypnosis, new “programs” are pumped into the brain. NLPers believe that self-hypnosis is a great force with which one can qualitatively influence thinking, behavior and emotions. Some techniques based on self-hypnosis allow you to lose weight, fight smoking and other addictions. Therefore, NLP weight loss courses have recently gained particular popularity. Quite often, NLP psychotechnics are used at various personal growth trainings to increase self-confidence. Several NLP techniques can be used in parenting too, such as metaphors. Reacting NLP metaphors with a child is a great way to deal with fears. With the help of simple NLP exercises, you can learn to easily cope with even the most difficult life problems and experiences. NLP skills help in communicating with others not only to better understand a person's true intentions, but also to convey their thoughts so that they understand you.
How to establish contact in communication?
The first thing to do at the beginning of NLP therapy is to tune in to the client by establishing his leading representational system.
Correct adjustment to the interlocutor allows you to generate unconscious trust in yourself. It is irrational and is formed literally in the first minutes of communication. It is based on a well-honed mechanism for recognizing "friends" and "aliens" for thousands of years.
With the help of adjustment, a kind of synchronization occurs between the two interlocutors. People who are friends and are in a trusting relationship look similar from the outside in gestures, facial expressions, intonations. Based on this, adjusting to the posture, gait, rhythm and timbre of the voice, gestures and facial expressions of the interlocutor allows you to inspire confidence in him at an unconscious level. Neuro-linguistic programming divides tuning into the following types:
- Full - implies adjustment in all parameters (voice, breathing rhythm, gestures, posture).
- Partial, when you adjust only for certain parameters, for example, posture and voice.
- Cross - is considered the most appropriate. You reflect the gesture itself, but in a different form. In this way, you can adapt to the whole group, for example, during a presentation. You adjust to the voice of one person, copy the gestures of another, repeat the pose of the third.
- Direct or mirrored. Accurate reflection of the interlocutor's gestures and body movements. He leans forward - you do the same, he gestures with his left hand - you repeat.
Some techniques and methods of NLP
What is it? How do NLP psychotechniques work? They all have specific tasks. You can learn techniques useful in everyday life or professional secret techniques of NLP in specialized schools and training centers. You can do this yourself using Internet resources and literature. Let's look at some basic NLP techniques. One of the most popular and effective NLP techniques is visualization. It is used both to solve problematic issues and to achieve the desired result. The SMART technique is also designed to learn how to set goals correctly. Calibration in NLP helps you learn to recognize the mood and feelings of another person. The swing technique is one of the most versatile techniques that can be used to break bad habits. In Psychology and Psychiatry, this technique is used to combat obsessions. The NLP alphabet technique is designed to bring a person into a state of high productivity.
Reframing is a procedure for reconfiguring thinking, creating new mechanisms of perception, patterns of the psyche, and behavioral patterns. Reframing influences thinking and perception of the world like a new frame for an old shabby painting, allowing you to look at a work of art in a new way. Fairy tales, parables, anecdotes are good examples of reframing. NLPers characterize reframing as a way of changing the value and context of a particular event from the position that "there are positive aspects in everything." NLP promotions, which are otherwise called language tricks, are some kind of speech patterns for changing beliefs and also refer to reframing.
What will your eyes tell NLPer? A person uses oculomotor reactions unconsciously. From them you can determine not only what he thinks, but also his main representational system. For example, if after a request to recall certain events, the interlocutor's gaze involuntarily goes up, then he is more of a visual. Such a look means that a person is trying to visualize events, remember a picture. The kinesthet's gaze during memories will be directed downward or downward and to the right. Thus, a person tries to remember the sensations from the experience. The audio in such a situation will look to the left. Looking down to the left indicates an internal dialogue, that the interlocutor is carefully trying to choose words. In psychology, attention is often paid to the patient's eye movements. If his gaze is directed upwards or to the right or to the right, this may indicate that he is trying to come up with an answer, that is, to lie.
NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) are techniques, methods of influencing a person in order to change his inner beliefs, attitudes, life values \u200b\u200band priorities. The practice of NLP is currently being carried out almost everywhere, including the hidden techniques of NLP are used not only in psychotherapeutic and psycho-training practice, but also in ordinary, public life and in everyday life.
Combat NLP is a method of manipulating people in order to subjugate them to yourself and covertly control them: their consciousness, thinking, feelings and behavior.
How NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming Techniques) and Combat NLP came to be
The psychological technique "Neuro-Linguistic Programming" (NLP, or reprogramming, since each person already has some kind of internal program (life scenario), primarily created through unconscious social and parental programming) was created to change the deepest beliefs of a person that prevent him from becoming successful and happy in life.
In the last century, American psychologist and writer Richard Bandler and linguist (also a writer) John Grinder with co-authorship of Frank Pucelik, based on the methods of gestalt therapy by Frederick Perls and Ericksonian hypnosis (Milton Erickson), created a new direction in psychological assistance - NLP (neurolinguistic) training ...
Combat NLP - this is already the use of initially psychotherapeutic techniques to influence and manipulate a person, turning him into a zombie person ... and using various sects, real or virtual illegal communities for their sometimes illegal purposes, for example, when recruiting into ISIS ...
NLP psychology: methods and techniques of human neurolinguistic programming and combat NLP
Methods and techniques of neurolinguistic programming in general, and combat NLP in particular, use connections between verbal, linguistic forms (forms of speech, including written and internal) and non-verbal - body language (facial expressions, gestures, postures, gait ...), direction and movement eyes, as well as representative, sensory systems of a person, all types of memory (from operational to emotional) and images drawn in consciousness.
For example, combat NLP can be used in any spheres of life - in business, commerce, ideology, politics, both internal and external, in war, in society and even in everyday life, in family, child-parent relationships.
Almost any person can be programmed (reprogrammed), especially people with low education (a diploma is not an education yet), not a high level of intelligence ...
Depressive, in a stressful state, with neurotic disorders, weak-willed, overly gullible people ... but simply overstrained, tired, especially a person with an immature personality and weak psyche (adolescent children, young men-maximalists, infantile, not thinking adults, marginalized and old people ) - reprogramming, turning into a zombie personality is very easy, especially for a professional in the field of combat NLP.
Why influence people, manipulate a person using combat NLP
The "masters of life", people in power since the creation of the world, wanted to have unlimited, literal power, full influence on a person. And in order to create obedient "little people" in all ages used various physical, including psychological, methods and techniques of influencing and manipulating people.
Probably, many of the readers will notice that the desire for power, the ability to influence, influence a person, the requirement of obedience from him, and manipulation are inherent in almost all people.
For example, in a family, parents demand the obedience of children, a husband wants to have power over his wife, and vice versa; the teacher manipulates - the students, and they manipulate them; the doctor often dominates the patient, demanding compliance with the instructions ...
It is even easier to use combat NLP if you act not on one person, but on the crowd, for example, for political purposes - creating modern color revolutions, rallies, protests ... It works even better when using means of communication, propaganda, media - television, radio, newspapers ... and of course the Internet ...
Even in seemingly harmless advertisements on TV, radio, banners, billboards on the road ..., or in a modern supermarket, you can find manipulation of human consciousness using NLP techniques (including combat NLP).
For example, as mentioned above, programming uses speech (including writing), images, body language (including the direction of gaze, relative to the right or left hemisphere) and repetition to use memorization at the subconscious level.
Correctly selected slogans, labels on packages and calls to action, as well as correctly laid out goods on the shelves, affect the subconscious of a person, automatically forcing him to make a purchase that is often unnecessary.
There is even such a profession - a Merchandiser - a specialist in displaying goods on shelves, for example, a product that needs to be "sold" can be located on a showcase with frequent repetition ...
Note that every TV ad has a number of repetitions (usually at least three - at the beginning, middle and end), for example, the name of the product. You can watch the advertisement itself, without even realizing it, several times in a row, while, say, watching a movie. Also, any advertising (presentation of goods) from packaging to billboards on the street has its own images, colors, places of information placement, etc. to influence the subconscious memory, so that a person unconsciously, without thinking, buys, sometimes unnecessary or unnecessary goods. This is especially developed in drug marketing.
Any marketing from the network to the promotion of goods in the supermarket in one way or another uses the techniques of combat NLP, in fact, methods of manipulation and impact on a person.
This cannot be called a fraud, because there is no obvious deception or breach of trust. Well, what's criminal if a price tag hangs under a half-kilogram piece of cheese, where in large letters - 50 rubles, and in very small letters - for 100 grams ... what a deception ?! Or in a home appliance store - interest-free installment plan - substitution of concepts - credit and installment plan - not a crime, but hiding in small print about payment for the services of managing your account and insurance is so, "trifle" ...
How to avoid self-manipulation and the effects of combat NLP
The best way to avoid self-manipulation is to change your life script, through transactional analysis and the same method of neurolinguistic programming or psycho-training.
To resist the effects of combat NLP, it is not at all necessary to study how NLP methods and techniques work in general, it is enough to understand, realize yourself, your inner "I" and your weak points, the so-called "control buttons", your weaknesses ...
The most common human weakness, often used in NLP techniques, is the subconscious desire for freebies (simply - freebies).
Also, often in combat NLP they use such weaknesses of a person as his altered state of consciousness, going into a trance (for example, existence not in the present time at the moment "here and now", but in the past or the future), personal, life disorder, failure, and
Neuro-linguistic programming or NLP is an actively developing area of \u200b\u200bapplied psychology, which offers simple and accessible techniques for influencing subconscious processes. NLP has been successfully applied in the field of love and relationships. NLP techniques can help you find love, build harmonious relationships, or revive fading feelings. Love is a game, and every game has its own rules. You know them - you will be a winner, no - get ready for failure and all the ensuing consequences. It hurts to be a loser in love, so it is better to immediately learn the main rules and learn simple techniques that will help you avoid unforgivable mistakes and become happy in love.
Learn to adapt. The key to sympathy between people is similarity. It needs to be detected to establish the location of the interlocutor during communication. You will have to become a mirror reflecting your partner's behavior, right down to the rhythms of breathing. Your gestures, posture, facial expressions, speech rate should match as much as possible. The main condition for mirroring is extreme naturalness, otherwise the person will think that you are monkeying.
Be the leader of the conversation. It is also necessary to adapt in emotions, gradually leading the interlocutor to those feelings and sensations that will positively affect his mood. If your partner is tight and emotionally closed, smile and speak softly and without pressure. Sooner or later, he will also want to mirror you and radiate the mood that you set. Adjustment to values \u200b\u200bis no less effective. If you like a person, then most likely you have a common belief system. Show it.
Become a positive association. In NLP, one of the most effective ways to tie a person to yourself is "anchoring". Its essence is to find or catch a person's moment of happiness and associate it with oneself. Music, tastes, smells, touches that the interlocutor feels together with you should evoke positive emotions in him. In the future, he will associate these sensations with you and strive to experience them again.
Encourage. NLP specialists call "positive reinforcement" one of the most effective methods of forming the required behavior. This is a kind of signal to a person that he is acting correctly and his behavior is pleasant and in line with expectations. A smile, a kiss, a compliment, attention, affection, etc. can be used as rewards. By encouraging your partner with positive reinforcement, you form the reactions and skills you need.
Use the transfer method. This is a wonderful gift to human memory. It contains sets of memories of people who influenced us and left a mark on them. The perception of new people is aligned with these memories. For example, the name of a good and significant person for us will automatically endow positive qualities with all other people on our path with the same name. Take advantage of the transference phenomenon and provoke your partner into those positive memories that he will unconsciously transfer to you.
Three Simple NLP Techniques for Love
The author of original NLP techniques, Victoria Isaeva (Eva Berger), in her book "NLP for Happy Love: 11 Techniques to Help Fall in Love, Seduce, Marry Anyone", offers several effective techniques that will help start new relationships or improve those that have already developed ...
The Perfect First Date Technique
Before your first exciting meeting, try to play as a screenwriter, director and actor of your own movie called "My Perfect Date". You will have a virtual journey into a future date, the author of which is you. As you decide, it will pass. To do this, remember your most successful date or just a situation in which you were happy. Relive those emotions by recreating sounds, smells, images, and sensations. Make them as vivid as possible, try to feel everything literally physically.
Collect these emotions and mentally transfer them into the upcoming date. Imagine the feeling of joy and pleasure intensifying when you meet your partner, see him, hear and feel his sincere interest in you. Provide in detail the meeting place, how and where you sit, what sounds you hear in the background, smell, see the environment and interior. What are you talking about? What do you eat or drink? As you develop the script, cultivate pleasure in your body. Let the joy pass through it in a warm wave, the soul sing, and butterflies flutter in the stomach. Take "them", and confidently go on your happy date.
Technique "Principle of three YES"
Socrates is called the author of the technique. It is effectively used for psychological manipulation in order to obtain a person's consent. The principle of the technique is based on getting affirmative answers to three questions about obvious things (for example: the sky is blue, the grass is green, the water is wet). With a high degree of probability, a person will say “yes” to the fourth, but already a fundamental question (for example: do you love me?). Victoria Isaeva proposes to apply this ancient and successful technique in order to get consent from a man in matters related to the development of relationships: dating, living together, wedding, travel, shopping, etc. The question to which you want to hear "yes", one should not ask how much, but assert in a calm tone and confident voice.
Disarmament technique
Disarming is a preemptive action or words with which you cunningly block the path to retreat (refusal, categorical decision). In NLP love, this technique can help, for example, avoid quarrels or even breakups. If your partner is tired of enduring your antics, you are very guilty and sincerely repentant, but you feel that an angry speech or words of goodbye are being prepared for you, say: “I know how strong my fault is. There is no forgiveness for me, and it is difficult to disagree with this. I understand if you get angry with me (hate, quit), but let me correct my mistakes and prove that I am better than my deed! " Action to anticipate the "sentence" is disarming and in most cases gives a chance to get an indulgence.
Surely in your life you have met people who easily make acquaintances, conduct a variety of seminars and, in general, it seems that they somehow influence people.
But after all, you can also learn tricky tricks that help in life. For many years it has been known about special techniques of influencing a person - NLP.
NLP for beginners presents some difficulties, because it is necessary to understand new concepts and try new techniques.
Never make excuses.
Neither before the one who loves you, nor - even more so - before the one who does not love.
Anyone who does not love will never believe you, and whoever loves - he himself will come up with an excuse for you.
Diana Balyko. "365 + 1 NLP rule for every day of the happy year"
What is NLP for?
The acronym NLP stands for NeuroLinguistic Programming. Let's analyze this definition in more detail.The creators put in this term the connection between neurological ("neuro"), language processes ("linguistic") and human experience ("programming").
NLP is an ever-growing collection of information and ideas supported by a huge range of psychic techniques. They can allow you to influence not only your own consciousness, but also someone else's.
Studying an area such as NLP enables you to:
- Acquire new communication skills.
Learn to do what you can't do right now.
Thinking more clearly.
Communicate more effectively with other people.
Manage your thoughts, mood and behavior.
Expand your rights and opportunities.
Where to start learning NLP?
It is usually difficult for beginners to understand all the methods and techniques of NLP. It seems that there is too much information and it is difficult to understand.Before people who want to start studying NLP, a natural question arises - where to start? Before starting to comprehend complex methods and techniques, of course, it is best to understand where NLP begins. In books on NLP for beginners, the main concepts are first given, because the whole system is built on them.
First of all, it is necessary to understand the meaning of three broad components and central concepts of neurolinguistic programming - subjectivity, mind and learning. This will help you understand where NLP begins.
Best NLP Books for Beginners
For the entire existence of this science of communication for beginners in NLP, many books have been written.In order not to get confused in all this diversity, decide for yourself why you want to study neurolinguistic programming.
Please note that this programming is used in various fields. This is why a careful selection of NLP books for beginners is essential.
NLP Books by Application
NLP has a great impact on people and can be applied in various walks of life.Control
Knowledge of NLP techniques is essential today for executives, directors and managers. The art of management has always been dynamic and demanding. Valuable programming skills will help motivate workers and spread your influence over them. The acquired skills will help to skillfully manipulate subordinates.- R. Dilts "Modeling with NLP".
The description of the main method of neurolinguistic programming is presented in a simple form. Anyone interested in influencing a group of people will find many interesting things here.Personal life and communication with close people: "NLP allows us to better understand another person: his thoughts, aspirations, desires. And also what suits him and how to communicate with him better. All this has a positive effect on relationships. After all, if a person understands what motivates a person, what upsets him, then the relationship becomes more trusting and close. "
A. Pligin "How to turn the ghost of failure into the aroma of success in life".
The book presents the experience of an NLP consultant who researched real problems of people.
A. Lyubimov “NLP. Communication Mastery ".
The author touches upon the issues of understanding people to each other and talks about the great ability to communicate.
M. Erickson "Strategy of psychotherapy".
Book-collection of methods of hypnosis on the state of people.
Self-knowledge
It is often more difficult to apply NLP skills to yourself. But after a long and painstaking work, you will be able to control your mood and emotions. Recognize your own qualities that do not correspond to the surrounding world, and finally, you will feel more energetic, motivated and creative.- R. Bandler, D. Grinder "Use Your Brain to Change".
New, fast and effective techniques that can change human consciousness.
R. Bandler, D. Grinder "Turtles to the Bottom".
In non-standard ways, you can really develop hidden genius abilities.
Sales
An experienced seller has long known that it is possible to secretly influence the buyer. Then your sales will increase several times. Neuro Linguistic Programming will help develop mutually beneficial relationships with customers, identify their needs and create motivation to buy a specific product.- R. Bandler, D. Grinder "Reframing".
A specific technique in which you can provide an influence on the desired part of the subconscious is used not only in sales, but also in everyday life.
Career
It is no longer enough just to work well to advance your career. You now need to be a skilled communicator, be able to motivate colleagues and be able to advertise yourself. Knowing basic NLP skills gives you an added advantage over your peers.- R. Bandler, D. Grinder "From frogs to princes".
The best NLP book for beginners. The book examines a wide range of different human conditions and the impact on any of them.
G. Alder, B. Heather “NLP. Complete practical guide ".
Using the example of life situations, this introductory course provides a fairly detailed acquaintance with the human psyche.
