Feelings of sympathy and antipathy arise in interpersonal relationships. These concepts oppose and completely exclude each other.
Sympathy and antipathy
Antipathy - This is a feeling of dislike, emotional disgust or rejection of another individual, its principles, peculiarities of behavior and life orientations. The feeling of antipathy, as a rule, occurs spontaneously, but the source for it is the feeling of danger, the harmfulness of the inferiority of the object on which it is directed.
Sympathy - The feeling of emotional position to man either to the group of people. Sympathy arises on the basis of the generalization of views, values \u200b\u200band interests, as well as as a result of a spontaneous positive reaction to behavior, features or appearance of another individual.
Antipathy and sympathy have a number of common features. Firstly, They arise instinctively: unsuitable logically inclined to man or his rejection.
Secondly, Sympathy and antipathy are the main motivational factors for the emergence and development of interpersonal relations. Each of these feelings is peculiar to the oppositeness, which confirms their instinctive origin.
For example, sympathy to one individual does not exclude the occurrence of antipathy to another person, as much as possible to the sympathy object.
Cooperation and rivalry
The terms "rivalry" and "cooperation" correspond to the concepts of "competition" and "joint efforts". Cooperation and rivalry arise in one soil - the mutual desire to achieve the goal, most often the common, or two goals of one nature.
Cooperation - This is an opportunity for an individual to fulfill the task exclusively with other people who also achieve their goals. In case of net cooperation, the defeat of one level of this process entails the collapse for other participants.
Nowadays, net collaboration is extremely rare, therefore, subjects are often not worried about mistakes from other cooperation subjects. As opposed to cooperation, rivalry is a type of personality relationship, which are characterized by the desire of each individual to get the prerogative to others in various fields: power, material values, love, prestige, spiritual and social implementation.
Contrary to popular belief, cooperation should not be perceived as a negative aspect. The normal relationship of rivalry mobilize human forces, make it look for new ways of development, to realize their potential. Rivalry B. pathological forms Can provoke a number of conflicts, aggression.
Mutual understanding in interpersonal relationship
Understanding - This is the main factor of normal interpersonal relationships. Understanding - the possibility of an individual to take into account other people's interests, positions, recognize the experience of other people and the rationality of its practical application. In interpersonal relations, mutual understanding is realized by non-verbal and verbal behavior.
It provokes interpersonal knowledge of individual characteristics of the characteristics and personal qualities of another person.
Friendly relations arise when familiar feel interpersonal attractiveness (sympathy).
Sympathy (from Greek. sympatheia- Attraction, internal location) - this is a steady positive (approving, good) attitude towards someone (other people, their groups, social phenomena), manifested in friendliness, goodwill, admiration, prompting to communicate, to provide assistance (Altruism).
The condition for sympathy is territorial proximity. It creates the availability of contacts with another person. And this allows people to find each other what they like that they are relatives, to provide each other's signs.
The causes of sympathy can be conscious and poorly aware. First include the commonality of views, ideas, values, interests, moral ideals. To the second - the external attractiveness, character traits, behavior manner, etc. It is not by chance, by definition by A. G. Kovaleva (1970), sympathy is a little-valued attitude or attraction of one person to another.
The phenomenon of sympathy attracted the attention of still ancient Greek philosophers, in particular the stops that they interpreted it as a spiritual objective community of all things, due to which people sympathize with each other. However, over the centuries, sympathy is essentially considered as empathy. Echoes of such a look at the sympathy, her mixing with Empathia can be found now. For example, in the dictionary of social and psychological concepts "Collective, Personality, Communication" (1987) it is said that empathy acts on a close sympathy and that "... sometimes sympathy leads to altruistic aid, and sometimes, on the contrary, it can determine the avoidance of another person as a source of disturbing and Therefore negative emotions. We can evade a meeting with certain people, since even one of their kind peers are sad "(p. 96). It is clear that we are talking about the manifestation of empathy, not sympathy. Rather, in case of avoiding a person, it is necessary to talk about antipathy to it, but it is not necessarily obligatory in the described case.
Determining the nature of sympathy and antipathy, the American sociologist J. Moreno (1958) put forward a hypothesis that sources of sympathy and antipathy are congenital character and are the result tele.- Mysterious ability to attract people to them or repel them. People possessing teleoccupy in groups to which owned, high social status. Thus, according to the ideas of J. Moreno, certain people have social gifted, which spontaneously nested into a person over and is manifested in the form of a stream of special particles of emotional energy teleemitted by this person.
This hypothesis was fair criticized by many psychologists, especially domestic, noted that the main defining sympathy or antipathy factor is the behavior of a person in the process of interaction with other people, its moral and moral qualities, his ideological beliefs. In these glances, there is also a well-known overlap. F. Larochefuco rightly noted that "other people are repelled, despite all their advantages, and others attract with all their shortcomings" (1971, p. 162). The phenomenon of attractiveness, attractiveness to explain the nature of sympathy is used and now, but instead tele.J. Moreno uses another concept - attraction.
English word attractiontranslated as "attractiveness", "attraction", "attraction". In psychology, this term denote the process and the result of the formation of a positive emotional relationship (M. Andreeva, 2006). The attraction is the presence of feelings, attitudes towards another person and its assessment. The specifics of sympathy and antipathy is that they are not specifically installed specifically, and there are spontaneously due to a number of reasons for a psychological nature.
One of these reasons is the Association of one person with another ("Associative Sympathy or Antipathy"): We are experiencing a sympathy for someone who looks like a pretty and friendly person, whom we already know and with which we repeatedly communicated, getting satisfaction from this, and vice versa We have antipathy to a person who looks like our enemy.
Although already B. early age Children quickly and confidently determine their preferences, are still not clear the reasons for which they sympathize with one adult and face others (Stevenson,1965).
Since the sympathy mechanism is largely mysterious, it creates great difficulties for teachers in raising children and form a positive social climate in children's groups. As A. A. Royak (1974) notes, if children do not like a preschooler, the educator is very difficult to figure out the reasons for his unpopularity and sometimes it is simply impossible to create the location of other children to him. To understand the mechanisms for the formation of sympathy to some extent helps identifying factors contributing to the attraction. By L. Ya. Gozman (1987), they are:
Properties of an attraction object;
Properties of the attraction of the attraction;
The ratio of the properties of the object and the subject of the attraction;
Features of interaction;
Features of communication situations;
Cultural and social context;
Time (dynamics of development of relationships in time).
Thus, the occurrence and development of the attraction, and with it and sympathy, depends on the characteristics of both the sympathy object (its attractiveness) and the sympathetic subject (its inconsistencies, preferences), and is determined by specific social conditions.
When after a tense labor week, we rest near the fireplace, enjoying delicious food, drinks and music, then, most likely, we will experience good feelings to those who are at this moment next to us. It is much less than the chance that we penetrate the sympathy to the person who collided at that moment when the migraine was tormented.
Experimentally, this principle of "Associative Sympathy" was tested by Pavel Levitski (Lewicki,1985). When ... Students showed photos of two women and asked to say what it seems more friendly, their opinions were divided approximately equally. In another group of subjects, where the same photos were shown after they talked with a pretty and friendly experimenter, which was similar to a woman in the photo, in her favor was given 6 times more votes. During the next experience, the experimenter behaved unfriendly towards half of the subjects. When in the future it needed to give their profiles of one of two women, almost everyone tried to avoid communicating with that of them, which was similar to the experimenter. (Perhaps you yourself remember the case from your life when you are good or poorly reacted per person just because he reminded you of someone.)
The fact of the existence of this phenomenon - associative sympathy or antipathy is confirmed by other experiments. According to the results of one of them, college students have more positively assessed people unfamiliar to them if the procedure was carried out in a cozy room than if it was performed in a hot and storm room. (Griffitt,1970). Similar results were obtained in assessing people photographed in sophisticated luxurious furniture and lightweight living rooms and mild, dirty and close rooms. (MASLOW, MINTZ,1956). And in this case, as in the first, the positive feelings caused by an elegant environment turned out to be transferred to the evaluated people. William Walter extracted from these studies a very useful conclusion: "Romantic dinners, campaigns in the theater, evening, which couples spend their homes together, and a joint stay never lose their significance ... If you want to save your relationship, it is important that both of them continue to be associated With pleasant things " (Walster,1978).
Meersd,2004, p. 529-530.
In foreign social psychology, V. P. Pantsov (1984), was repeatedly detected by the predictive function of emotional indicators (sympathies - antipathy) when studying political preferences, as they are less susceptible to the influence of "semantic filters" compared with cognitive and behavioral indicators. The most accurate coincidences with the results of a real vote for one or another candidate gave emotional assessments of the candidate.
Cohesion.Interpersonal relations in the group affect the cohesion of the group. On the other hand, on cohesion can be judged on interpersonal relationships in the group. According to V. N. Vasilyeva and N. A. Vasilyeva (1979), in junior grades, girls' cohesion is higher than boys, however, from the 5th grade, boys become more cohesive than girls (Table 14.1). Large cohesion of men compared to women was confirmed in student training groups: In men's groups, coefficient coefficient was in the range of 0.28-0.53, and in women's - 0.08-0.11.
Table 14.1.Cohesion of men of the male and female of different ages
These evidence suggests that girls, come to school, faster establish positive contacts with each other than boys, but these contacts they are less durable and easily collapsed in middle and high schools. The absence of contacts between boys and girls leads to the fact that overall cohesion in grades 1-8 is practically zero (from -0.09 to 0.16) and only in 9-10 classes increased to 0.27-0.59.
According to V. A. Goncharov (2001), the number of "isoys" among schoolchildren of 7-8 classes is significantly higher in girls, although they often do not realize their position in the classroom. Girls are rejected due to the peculiarities of temperament or intelligence, and boys are due to characteristics of character. The number of schoolchildren who received a large number of positive elections, more in boys (41-54%) than in girls (37-42%), which confirms greater cohesion among boys than among girls.
As J. L. Kolomminsky notes (A. A. Rean, Ya. L. Koloming, 1999), most often representatives of the opposite sex choose those students of junior and middle classes that occupy an unfavorable position in the system of personal relationships. So, if the "stars" chose representatives of the opposite sex at 30%, then rejected - at 75%.
According to foreign authors, the relationship between men is characterized by greater conflict and competitiveness (E.Aries, E.Johnson,1983; R. Auckett et al.,1988; K. FARR,1988). Conflict relations among themselves, the boys find out through force, rejecting weaker. Conflict situations between girls are solved at the emotional level, in disputes, boycotting. They more often "crucial" on each other.
Affection and friendship
The attachment is a feeling of proximity, based on sympathy for someone, mutual attraction to each other. As a result, such people prefer communicating among themselves contacts with other people.
J. Bowlby believes that attachment as such exists both in children and in adults. At the same time, three types (style) of attachment are distinguished: durable (inherent in 55% of people), with evasion of communication (in 25% of people) and alarming-dual (in 20% of people) (Hazan, Shaver,1994).
Personal (immediate) and transitive (mediated) attachment, reliable and unreliable, which, in turn, manifests itself on an ambivalet-resisting, disorganized and avoiding type.
Personalthe attachment is a predisposition of a person to someone, devotion, the desire to constantly be next to him, to share his joys and sadness, in all of him to help him, willingness to sacrifice himself for him. Transitivethe attachment is attachment to the person to whom, in turn, is attached to the one who seeks to or who sympathizes this person. For example, I sympathize Ivanov. Ivanov is tied to Petrov. As a result, I feel attachment to Petrov.
Reliablethe attachment is characterized by constant receipt of support, help and consolation from another person. Unreliablethe attachment is characterized by the lack of pronounced positive signs of affection.
Unreliable attachment on the ambivalet-resisting type arises with distrust of another person or reluctance to be dependent on it and manifests itself in the fact that a person in the case of Disteres is looking for intimacy with a person who careloes about him, but at the same time resists providing support and consolation from this person. Both people attached to each other at the same time aspire, and fear close relationships.
Unreliable attachment on avoiding type arises when a striving for independence or with a hindrance to the person, to which it is attached, and manifests itself in the conscious avoidance of this person.
Unreliable attachment on the disorganized type detects itself at fear and self-satisfaction and is a combination of avoiding and ambivalet-resistant types. This type of attachment distinguishes the absence of any stable relationship between two people tied to each other.
A special look is children's affection. In detail about this phenomenon, children will be discussed in section 19.6.
Election attachments find their most vivid embodiment in phenomena friendship.J. - J. Rousseau wrote that "the first sense to which the carefully educated young man is not love, and friendship." K. K. Platonov considers friendship as a complex moral feeling, in which the structure includes: the need to communicate with the object of friendship, enhanced by the habit that causes the emotion of satisfaction when communicating; Memories of joint activities and its results; joint experiences, former, existing and possible; emotional memory; call of Duty; Fear of loss; High (usually idealized) its assessment.
For friendship, the key points are a high degree of selectivity and a relatively long existence of relationships in time (N. N. Oboozov, 1997). The following elements of friendship are also noted: equality, mutual assistance, pleasure, trust, adoption, spontaneity, respect, understanding and intimacy (Davis, Todd,1982).
If both partners in relation to each other freely or involuntarily pursue only each of their goals, their friendship cannot be durable. That is why our society teaches us a mutually beneficial exchange that Elin Hatfield, William Walter and Ellen Bershaid called the principle justice:remuneration you and your partner get from your relationship should be in proportion to the fact that each of you invest in them (Hatfield, Walster, Berscheid,1978). If two receive equal remuneration, it means that their contributions to the relationship should also be equal, otherwise it will seem unfair to one or another. If both feel that their remuneration corresponds to their "assets" and the efforts they attached, both perceive the situation as fair.
... Will there be cynicism to believe that the roots of love and friendship lie in mutually beneficial exchange of services? Isn't it so that we help your beloved person without expecting any response? This is exactly what happens: people consisting in long-term relationships are equal, does not concern the momentary correspondence. Margaret Clark and Jadson Mills argue that people even try to avoid any mutual services counting (Clark, Mills,1984, 1986). Helping a close friend, we do not count on immediate remuneration. If we are invited to dinner, we are not in a hurry with a response invitation so that impressions are not created, as if we just "give social debt." Real friends "Skin feel" the needs of each other even when "payment" is in principle impossible (CKARK et al.,1986, 1989). When friends understand that each of them is ready to sacrifice the sake of another own interests, their mutual trust increases (Wieselquist et al.,1999). One of the signs that the buddy turns into a close friend is that he shares your concerns even when it does not expect that (Miller et al.,1989).
People more satisfy the relations that they consider equal (Fletcher et al.,1987; Hatfield et al.,1985; Van Yperen, Buunk,1990). Perceiving their relationships as unequal feasures are experiencing discomfort: if a person seems to be a profitable deal, he feels guilty, if he feels that he has "calculated", "he experiences constant irritation.
Myers D.,2004, p. 541-543.
Friendship begins with acquaintance, partnership or friendship. When the relationship becomes more stable, deep, intimate, they will develop into friendship. On the other hand, in friendship, intimacy does not reach the level as in love. In addition, friendship is more increasing and ritually determined by certain rules of behavior regarding each other. The topics of communication are chosen by such as interesting and meaningful for each of the friends. In interpersonal communication, friends exhibit special delicacy to not offend each other.
To be friends, you need to mature moral and intellectually. Therefore, friendship appears in an early youthful age, when a young man has the first problems and questions of a purely personal character in which he cannot independently understand. In adults, friendly relationships may arise with colleagues on work, having similar professional interests and goals.
M. Argail (1990) notes that friendship in the hierarchy of human values \u200b\u200boccupies a higher place than work and rest, but inferior to marriage or family life. True, in different age groups This ratio may change. It is most important for youth, from adolescent age before marriage. Friendship becomes highly valued in old age when people retire or lose their loved ones. In the interval between these ages, friendship is inferior to work and family.
Causes of friendship.M. Argail celebrates three reasons for which friendships are established:
1) the need for material assistance and information, although friends provide it to a lesser extent than family or colleagues;
2) the need for social support in the form of council, sympathy, trusting communication (for some married women Friends in this regard are more important than husbands);
3) joint classes, common games, community of interest.
I. S. Kon (1987) as such reasons calls: needssubject, encouraging him to choose one or another partner; properties of a partnerstimulating interest or sympathy for it; features of the interaction process,conducive to the emergence and development of pair relations; objective conditionssuch interaction (for example, belonging to the overall circle of communication, group solidarity).
According to M. Argail, women have closer friendly relationships than men, they are more inclined to self-dissection and behave more intimate conversations. Men are more inclined to joint activities and joint games with friends.
Criteria for choosing friends.In many works, the question is discussed: for what signs (in similarity or in difference) friends are chosen. I. S. Kon (1987) believes that, before you decide this question, you need to clarify a number of circumstances.
First, about which class of similarities is a speech (floor, age, temperament, etc.). Secondly, the degree of intended similarity (complete or limited). Thirdly, the meaning and meaning of this similarity for the personality itself. Fourth, volume, latitude of similarity range. The similarities of friends can limit the same characteristic, and may manifest themselves in many. The definition of similarity or disabilities also depends on how it represents the person himself and friends and what they really are.
Numerous socio-psychological studies show that the approach to the similarities in social installations clearly prevails over an additional orientation. The overwhelming majority of people prefer to be friends with people of their age, gender, social status, education, etc. It is also desirable similarity of basic values, interests. True, when it comes to no social attitudes and demographic signs, the results obtained are not so unambiguous.
K. Isard When comparing the psychological features of 30 friendly couples and randomly selected pairs discovered that among the first similarities are much greater. N. N. Oboozov (1979) also found that people similar to personality characteristics are more often friends. However, T. B. Kartseva (1981), having studied a couple of friends and enemies, revealed that they are also connected on the principle of similarities, and according to the principle of contrast. More than half of the friends turned out to be quite closed, about half of them had the same level of intelligence, and the other half was different; A little more than half of friends showed a different level of dominance and "concern - carelessness." It was found that two reasonable, cautious, prudent or timid, indecisive man are rarely friends.
Friends often completely dissimilar in the mental warehouse people. An open and impulsive person can choose a friend of closed and restrained man. Relations between such friends give each of them the maximum possibility for self-expression with minimal rivalry; At the same time, together they make up a couple with a large variety of personality traits than each separately (HARTUP,1970). However, friends are rarely the opposite of each other. For friendly couples, existing for a long time, usually characterize common values, views, hopes and opinions both relative to each other and with respect to other people.
Experiment has been indicative in this regard, which has done the American social psychologist T. Newcom (NEWCOMB,1961). He sewed first-year students on rooms in different combinations on the principle of similarities or the nurses of social attitudes that had them, and then studied the dynamics of their relationship. It turned out that early stages Dating attraction more depends on spatial proximity than from the similarity of the installations. In the future, however, the factor of the similarity of installations has become stronger than the influence of the neighborhood.
After considering the question of the similarity and distinction of friends, I will give data from D. Kendel research (Kandel,1978), surveyed 1800 friendly couples of American high school students. It turned out that friends are very similar in their socio-demographic characteristics (social origin, gender, race, age), a significant similarity was on some aspects of behavior (especially delinquent), in the interests and degree of participation in the group's group's life. According to the psychological features (evaluating their personal qualities and relationships with parents), the similarities between friends were significantly smaller.
The emergence of friendship contributes to the territorial proximity of people, creating conditions for frequent intersectability of two people's paths. This facilitates the occurrence of contacts, constant people in the field of our vision and emergence as a result of this sympathy. As experiments show, we are predisposed to love more or testing sympathy to the one (or that) we see more often. True, everything has a limit, and frequent meetings too. Sympathy arises in the event that another person appears in the field of our view with a moderate frequency.
The effect of "simple hit in sight" affects how we appreciate others: we like familiar people (SWAP, 1977). Even yourself we love more when we are as used to see yourself. Theodore Mita, Marshall Dermer and Jeffrey Knight (Mita, DERMER, KNIGHT,1977) conducted an experiment causing admiration. They photographed students ... and then showed each of them her real photo and a photo made from the image of this photo in the mirror. When they asked the subjects, which of two photos they prefer, most chose a snapshot made with a mirror, that is, the image of his face, which they used to see in the mirror. When both photos showed close friends of the subjects, they chose the "real" snapshot - the image that they used to see.
Myers D.,2004, p. 504.
Rules of behavior of friends.M. Argail and M. Henderson (Argyle, Henderson,1984) by polling installed general rules Conducts that are considered the most important to continue friendly relations and non-compliance with which leads to their rupture. Of the 27 rules of friendship, they allocated 13 most important and distributed them into four groups.
Exchange:
Sharing news about their successes;
Show emotional support;
Voluntarily help in case of need;
Try to a friend to be nice in your society;
Return debts and services provided *.
Intimacy:
Confidence in another and confidence in it.
Attitude towards third parties:
Protect a friend in his absence;
Be tolerant to the rest of his friends *;
Do not criticize a friend publicly **;
Maintain trusted secrets **;
Do not jealous and do not criticize other personal relationships **. Coordination:
Not to be annoying, not to teach *;
Respect inner world And a friend's autonomy **.
The most important than six rules that are not marked with asterisks. The rules marked with one asterisk are important for ordinary levels of friendship, but with especially close relationships may be violated: close friends are not considered a favor, forgive intolerance to the common acquaintances and even unity. The rules marked with two asterisks are also considered important and their violation can lead to the termination of friendship, but the assessment of the depth of friendly relationships does not depend on them. They are not specific only for friendship, but are present in other personal relationships.
All these rules can be reduced to a more generalized, namely justice, equality, respect, ability to understand each other, willingness to always come to the rescueand devotion, self-discharge.Violation of one of these rules leads to the destruction of friendly relations.
Nomov R. S., Altunina I. R.,2008, p. 95-96.
Confidence in each other, understanding each other and accepting each other with such as partners for communication are leading to them self-promising(S. Jurade), as each of them is confident that such disclosure will not lead to the loss of attachment of the other. As self-discharge, partners are increasingly recognized each other.
The frankness of people depends on their state (when a person is upset by something, it is more inclined to frankness - Stiles et al.,1992), on whether a person intends to continue relations and in the future (Shaffer et al.,1996), on how frank the interlocutor (Effect of reciprocity of self-discharge– Berg1987; Miller1990), are demonstrated by strong styles of affection. However, partners are approaching confidential relationship gradually, step by step telling about themselves.
Some people - especially women - have a rare gift of "confessors": they have to frankly even those who are usually not very inclined to "inlets outsiders in their soul" (Miller et al.,1983; Pegalis et al.,1994; Shaffer et al.,1996). As a rule, such people know how to listen to the interlocutors. During the conversation, they - the attention itself and all their appearance make it clear that they get pleasure from him (Purvis et al.,1984). They can also pronounce certain phrases from time to time, thereby demonstrating the speaker that they support it. Such people psychologist Karl Rogers (Rogers,1980) called "developing listeners": they are responsive and not indifferent, they know how to empathize others, sincere in the expression of their own feelings and are able to understand the feelings of others.
Myers D.,2004, p. 544-545.
Children's friendship.Canadian psychologists B. Baidgelo and D. La Gaip (Cyt. By: Kon, 1987), studying children from 6 to 14 years old, revealed that friendship from the point of view of regulatory expectations is three stages of development:
1) situational relationships in connection with the total activity, territorial proximity, mutual assessment;
2) the contractual nature of the relationship - strict compliance with the rules of friendship and high demands on the character of a friend;
3) "Internal psychological" stage - primary importance acquire personal features: loyalty, sincerity, intimacy ability.
R. A. Smirnova (1981) amounted to a summary of those features that psychologists indicate as the basis of friendly attachments between children of different ages (Table 14.2).
Table 14.2.Features of the child providing attachment to him of the peers
It follows from the table that the main factors are the personal features of children, characterizing the style of communication, and features of behavior in joint activities.
According to S. P. Tishchenko (1970), five-graders in the absolute majority of cases would like to be friends with popular students; In the eighth grades, this factor of choice of friends manifested itself only in 20% of schoolchildren. Currently, with friendship, the guys began to play an important role to the factor of national affiliation. According to D. I. Feldstein (1993), 69% of 6-7-year-old children, choosing a friend, put this factor on the first place. In adolescents, this percentage is even higher - 84%.
For young children, friendship is unstable, situational character. She may stop because of a trifle, as they do not know how to put up with the private flaws of their friends.
First love not only does not weaken the need for another, but often strengthens it because of the need to share with him your experiences. But as soon as mutual love appears with her psychological and physical intimacy, it ceases to be discussed with friends until some difficulties arise in love relationships.
Features of the friendship of rural guys.Interesting information about the specifics of friendship between rural guys leads to the basis of its own research I. S. Kon. Rural young people are less common "Paired"friendship and more often - extensiveuniting over five friends. Rural schoolchildren have much more developed interlace contacts, meetings of friends more often occur in public places. They are less likely to feel the shortage of friendly communication. They are less expressed "the motive of understanding" as the cause of friendship.
Those who wish to learn more about the feeling of friendship and the concomitant behavior can turn to the book I. S. Kona (1987).
Love
If they interview people, what feelings that they have, they can be called, then first of all will be called a sense of love. Philosophers, psychologists, physiologists dedicated to her many pages in their works.
In love, the pauses are especially delicious. As if in these minutes, the tenderness, breaking through with sweet outpouring, accumulates.
V.Gugo
The word "love", like many other words (for example, "feeling"), is used very widely and not always in the same sense. B. Marstein. (Murstein, 1986) writes in connection with this that love represents a certain Austro-Hungarian empire, where, under one cap, many sufficiently difficult compatible cognitive, emotional and behavioral phenomena were collected. The concept of "love" is considering as a collective for many different phenomena in relations between people and Kelly (Kelley,1983).
E. Fromm (1990) writes that "unlikely to any word is surrounded by such ambiguity and confusion, as the word" love ". It is used to designate almost every feeling that is not conjugate with hatred and disgust. It includes everything: from love for ice cream to love for symphony, from light sympathy to the very deep feeling of intimacy. People feel loving if they are "passionate about" someone. They also call love their dependence and their own property. They really believe that there is nothing more easier than to love, the difficulty is only to find a worthy subject, but in failure in finding happiness and love they attribute their bad luck in choosing a worthy partner. But contrary to all this confusion and the adoption of the desired love is a very specific feeling; And although each human being has the ability to love, the implementation of it is one of their most difficult tasks. Genuine love is rooted in fruitfulness, and therefore, in fact, it can be called "fruitful love." Essence of her one and the same, be it the love of mother to the child, love for people or erotic love between two individuals. It is care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. "
Care and responsibility mean that love is activities, and not a passion, someone worked out, and not affect, someone "captured" (1990, p. 82-83).
Ecrossments to love in care and responsibilities are needed by E. Fromma in order to substantiate the love of humanity and specifically to each person, since it is impossible to experience a passion for all or emotions about every person. It is not by chance that love for a particular person, by ferry, should be implemented through love for people (humanity). Otherwise, as he believes, love becomes superficial and random, remains small.
I fully agree that the word "love" in an ordinary understanding sometimes loses a specific content (F. Larochefuco, for example, well noted that "most people have love for justice - it's just a fear of being inequious" (1971, p. 156)) And that love is not an affect (if it is understood as emotion), it is difficult to recognize the correctness of the from about the fact that love is activities that manifest only in care, responsibility (I would add to them such behavioral manifestations as tenderness, affection). All this is a consequence of love, its manifestation, and not its essence. The essence remains a feeling, that is, the emotional-installation attitude towards someone.
In love, the main thing is the habit.
V.Gugo
K. Jard writes: "... There are several varieties of love, but I do not leave the feeling that they all have something in common, something, thanks to which each of them is important and meaningful for a person, something that passes through red thread through all types Love ... "(2000, p. 411). I believe that one of the main signs of this feeling, the "red thread" passing through all kinds of love, judging by the number of authors (Bowlby,1973; Ainswort,1973; Hazan, Shaver,1997) are cardication (Warmth)and attachment (attachment)to the object of love. Cardicity is manifested in arms, kisses, caressing, and attachment - in a sustainable need for communicating with this person, in proximity to it. Although these two parameters of love (inherent in some extent and friendship, and especially love) are interrelated, at the same time they function autonomously, which is associated with the presence for each of them various neurophysiological systems.
Obviously, it is impossible to be attached to all people, so love is an intimate attachment with great strength,so large that the loss of the object of this attachment seems to be immaculate, and its existence after this loss is meaningless. From this point of view of the "love" of the teacher to students, the doctor to the patient is in most cases no more than declared abstraction, reflecting the manifestation of interest, empathy, respect for the individual, but not affection. After all, attachment is a feeling proximityfounded on devotion, sympathy for someone or anything (S. I. Ozhegov, 1975).
Types of attachment affect the duration of the relationship between partners: with a safe type of relationships continue almost twice a longer (10.02 years) than with avoiding (5.97 years) and ambivalent-alarm-ambitious (4,86 years) types Shaver et al.,1988).
There are other extreme glances for love. P. V. Simonov (1962), correctly claiming that love is not an emotion and that, depending on the circumstances, it generates different emotions, without any serious grounds, reduced it to the need. "Love is a kind of need, the needs of very complex, formed by the influences of the social environment, ethics and worldviews of this society," he writes (p. 10). Not referring to feelings, by its statement that "love is wrongful to treat the category of emotions" (ibid), it gives reason to believe to exclude this feeling in general from the emotional sphere of man. Of course, in a sense of love, especially in her acute stage - love, there is a desire, which is a type of need, but to reduce love only for the latter - it means to strongly simplify this phenomenon.
Often the question is asked: can love be without love and is it true that "extinguishes - wipe"? The reader may possibly recall the cases when, as a person recognizes the recognition, he began to seem more attractive and that, over time, his physical imperfection became less noticeable. This observation is confirmed in a number of studies. A. Gross and K. Krofton (Gross, Crofton,1977) showed photographs of people after reading them their flattering and unflattering characteristics. The person presented as a heartfelt, prone to help and sympathy, was perceived by students and as more attractive. The people with whom we have something in common, also seem to us more attractive (Beaman, Klentz,1983).
Psychologist Victoria Markelova:
Instinctive hostility does not exist
- Other people are always for us - mirrors. What hurts in other, which is insanely like or insanely annoying, you need to read as a signal that gives information about yourself.
For example, we are terribly annoyed by a colleague who did not do anything bad. Moreover, he may not pay attention to us at all, and we look at it and just come out. There may be several reasons.
Victoria Markelova, psychologist. Photos from VDohnovimir.ru
Projection
Each of us has the perfect image of themselves, with which it is very difficult to part. No wonder in the gospel it says about the fact that "in someone else's face, I see, and we do not notice in my logs." I do not want to see flaws in yourself, and the more something in yourself does not like, the more we do not accept it - psychological protection works like this.
And when in another person there is something constantly, inexplicably annoying, look into yourself.
For example, an ambitious thing is unpleasant to us in a colleague, it is possible that we ourselves inside it, just not recognize.
And we project your unconscious to another - it's easier to annoy and be angry with something else. So we remove the tension and neutralize the conflict inside ourselves. In general, - deceive yourself.
Special anger on "His" someone else's deficiency can be explained by the fact that the poor "irritant" goes for himself, and "for that guy" - we wash the dislike on it, which we cannot oppose yourself.
Of course, not all that is unpleasant to us in other people, there is in ourselves. It is worth thinking when irritation has an increased degree and rationally inexplicably, so to speak, "inline."
Envy
This is the second reason why incomprehensible irritation may occur. . The envy is a feeling in which I really don't want to admit yourself. It is difficult to accept that you - envy, because it means that you don't get something that you want something, but you can't. And then you start at a lucky colleague or relative to be angry and blaming him, for example, that he woofily received something, or everything is given to everyone, so he is fine.
We are angry because we cannot do themselves. And then, even some good feature in this person begins to annoy us.
For example, the ease of climbing or the ability to find a common language with anyone - because it seems to us that thanks to these qualities, a person got something that we cannot get.
And so the ease of lifting in envious eyes becomes frivolous and irresponsibility, and sociability - the ability to enroll and reveal with three boxes.
The cause of envy can be what we are deceiving in our desires and motives. Here is an example: one person is terribly indignant that he is all so creative, and such big money, like uncle Vasya, who does some nonsense does not earn. But uncle Vasi was a motive - to make money, and he does them. And at the indignant person, the motive - to do something with the meaning, to bear good into the world. Then, it turns out if uncle Vasi is a motive - money, and you have good, you are just in different planes. Are you ready to change your motive to get big money?
We must ask yourself a question: what do you want more? Money, like uncle Vasya, or the other? Because in this case, this conflict: big money for bright and high do not pay. And if the envy and irritation are rapidly, it is necessary to deal with your motive, is it true? Or in how much in it from ourselves, and how much from social roles, musting? Or maybe a person just does not know how to make money?
Violation of borders
The third cause of incomprehensible dislike is our own inability to defend its borders.
For example, they say you: "Let's go with me" or: "Go to visit me today". Or (boss): "Stay today, work overtime!"
A person agrees, comes, remains to work, and then begins to experience great irritation on the one he listened, because he believes that it was forced.
But instead of admitting that he himself does not know how to say "no", he transfers this irritation on his torch. And begins to annoy it because it was forced, and in fact he did not want.
It seems to be offended by the invited stupid - he did not drag himself; Angry on ourselves, which agreed, I also don't want to - so it turns out such a deaf dislike and the desire to avoid a person you can't say "no." As a result, the reserves, overwhelming you (what he himself, however, does not even know), and all its manifestations become unpleasant.
And this is natural, because our borders are our security, and anyone who, in our opinion, is prolamed - seems to us the invader. Therefore, the borders are important to protect and defend! Otherwise, you will turn the "invaders", violent, and they will not understand what they have been guilty of: they just offered, and you just agreed.
Forgotten problem
And finally, the fourth reason for "instinctive hostility" is a certain injured injury.
It happens that a person does not make a certain type of people. For example, tall and thin. It does not endure to such an extent that it cannot even touch them without disgusting - it's like an insect. Such things can be tied to some kind of children's displaced injuries. Maybe, an adult, tall, thin uncle came up to a small girl at a three-year-old age and frightened it. In the unconscious part of the psyche fear remains and fixed. Then a man grows and no longer remembers, but this is depressed, forgotten, displaced, associated with some kind of injury or an unpleasant situation, develops in such a hostility.
This can happen not only in childhood, and in adulthood, something is happening with us, and the psyche triggers in such a way that we forget it.
If it is very unpleasant, we convince ourselves that it was not.
Nevertheless, the image that we inflicted the injury remains, and we will feel dislike for him, without understanding why we are experiencing it.
How to live and fight
First you need to be honestly admit to yourself that really, there is a problem: dislike for a person who does not seem to deserve this. He does not make us evil, he in no way or not affect our life, but irritation or disgust is present to it.
Awareness of the problem is the first step towards her decision, because, realizing, we seem to be the problem outside, we can look at it from the side and understand what to do next. By the way, it is not so easy to realize, because we used to consider ourselves white and fluffy, and even confess to ourselves that we are insanely angry, in general, nothing to be a guilty person is hard.
Drive a diary feeling
Second Step - This is maintaining a diary. It is necessary in writing as it can be described in writing, which specifically annoys in a person. Take a notepad, draw a table in three columns. The first is the cause of irritation, for example, "sits and spins on a chair" or "Insecurity laughs, speaking with the boss." The second feeling that occurs about this. The third - and as "stimulus", in my opinion, must behave. We carry such a diary at least a week, with all thoroughness.
It is necessary to start disassembled the question on the items, that is, very clearly, on paper. Because when everything is only in thoughts, it will fly off in all directions. We must clearly write out that I specifically do not like what annoys me.
It is necessary to prescribe all the details - it's not just annoying and all - but I don't like how talking, or looks in front of the head, or everything is led by everything, hypocrishes, it does, it creates, boasts, etc.
There will be several results here. First, we chopped out the feelings and emotions, which before that tormented us from the inside. Secondly, we can estimate on ourselves - and whether there is no one that is so terribly annoying. Or maybe it's not really, but we want it terribly?
In practice, I had a very quiet and modest girl who was afraid to speak and talk. And her colleague at work did not close the mouth. That is, she all expressed everything just what thought.
And a quiet girl it was rapidly annoyed, she called a colleague and anxious, and vain, and worse.
But in fact she wanted to be able to be so decisive. But she did not want to admit himself for a long time for a long time that she also wants to be able to behave so openly. That is, in fact, she liked that the quality of the colleague and the disadvantage of which was so frustrated.
Or another example. Suppose I am insanely annoyed by gossip, which man practices at work. Then it is necessary to track down, as I behave myself, and then ask: "And I myself am not gossiping?"
The first impulse will say "no". But do not rush, reflect, and then try to ask who you trust. You need to learn to watch carefully.
If the cause of irritation, dislike to another was found and eliminated, then irritation leaves.
When a person admits that he is also not holy and can also take off, eat, boast, etc., he becomes tolerant to those who will not holy either. This is a rule: what we can treat themselves and take ourselves with disadvantages, those tolee we treat others.
If I detect the same qualities that they annoy me in the other, I go to the confession, and then I say: "Good. If God forgives, the fact that I do not forgive myself? " Then I can be tolerant and to another. That is, with love I reaches myself, and with love I reaches another.
This does not mean that you need tolerately treat objectively bad acts and manifestations. Love a sinner and hate sin.
Privacy
With me there was such a story.
In the parish, where I worked as a psychologist, there was one lady, which believed that psychology was one evil. And this lady with me constantly secretly competed.
All the time I hurt me, provoked. I couldn't see her just.
At some point I said: "I can not. I just do not end it. I see her, and I shakes me. " What to do? I began to understand, ask yourself to ask: "What exactly is you straining in it? Competitism, good, and do you yourself are not competitive? And you can't survive so that someone bold you better than you. And you want to be in the first place, to be the best thing to love you and praise. Doesn't her quality have a relationship with you? Yes, you are the same as she! Just you feel and behave better, so I win. "
Right at that moment I was very old. I disassembled this laughter: "Well, what are you attached to this aunt? The same is the same. "
The task is not to kill myself for this and not say: "Oh, here you are terrible!". And somehow, with humor, treat and say: "Okay, let's think about what we can do with it."
From one recognition, of course, I will not cease to be, for example, a competitive person, but at least I lost irritation. I did not love her, but at least I stopped hating. He took in herself that there is this in me and calmed down her.
Do not seek to be friends with the "stimulus"
There is a mistake made by many people who want to be honest with them. Having experienced guilt in front of a person for his hostility, they begin to treat the subject of their dislike with exaggerated attention, deliberately trying to do something for him, trying to reverse their negative.
If you apply a medical metaphor, these people are broken by hand trying to carry a heavy bag of "victim." But while the hand does not grow well, it can not grow in the gypsum, any voltage can be destructive. So here:
while we are not aware of the true causes of our hostility and we will not understand how to overcome them, this socially friendly behavior will not bring.
It will look hypocritically, and inside, in addition to hostility, aggression will be copied.
I would advise not to bother the object of dislike, but on the contrary: to remove it a little and watch him. Try to understand why he behaves anyway, which internal reasons may be. To look at the world by his eyes, try to feel it - or, as the British say, pass Mile in his boots. It is possible that you will open something, after which you can no longer be angry.
Try to learn the story of a person
One of the recent examples: My daughter has a girl in the classroom. In the manner to behave - as is the jack, the crusher. Everywhere she climbed into the first row. She did not like it at all. And then once again she came to me to consult, and it turned out that not a very difficult atmosphere of the house, the parents hold it in the black body, control each sigh, and when she comes to school, she compensates all this.
And, seeing in fact, how hard it was, I realized that she was "curly" because he simply does not know how to express himself. And I thought: so many years considered it with a crush, and this is actually a suffering child.
No matter, child or colleague. It happens, you will find out the history of man and think: "Now it is clear why he behaves like that."
You can try to learn a person better, look into his life, in his pain is not an inlet.
Try to sympathize, try to see a living person, also suffering. It can soften our irritation.
Perhaps friendship will not work, but I believe that this is also a matter of love - try to see the soul of the suffering person.
help with psychology. We were given on psychology to write an essay what sympathy and antipathy. help me please.
Sympathy (from Greek Sympatheia - attraction, internal location) is a steady positive (approving, good) attitude towards someone (other people, their groups, social phenomena), manifested in friendly, goodwill, admirable Communication, attention, help (altruism).
The causes of sympathy can be conscious and little conscious. First include the commonality of views, ideas, values, interests, moral ideals. To the second - external appeal, character traits, behavior manner, etc., i.e. attraction. It is not by chance that by definition A. G. Kovalev, sympathy is a little conscious attitude or an attraction of one person to another.
Antipathy is a sense of dislike, relief or disgust, the emotional attitude of the rejection of anyone or anything. Opposite to sympathy. Antipathy, as well as sympathy, is in many ways without failure and is not determined by a volitional solution, but it may occur and consciously, as a result of a moral assessment in relation to those people, creatures or phenomena that the view accepted in this society.
Antipathy has its source an idea of \u200b\u200bharmfulness, danger, deformity, inferiority of the object of antipathy, acquired by personal or hereditary experience or grafted by upbringing. Special excitability can also lie in this sense nervous system Individual.
In the sociology and psychology of antipathy, as well as sympathy, serves as one of the motivational regulators of interpersonal and intergroup relationships. At the same time, feelings of souse and dislike can be more or less independent or even complementary, that is, naturally combined in an emotional attitude towards another person (the severity of one pole with simultaneous expression of the opposite)
A source:
Help with psychology
User 111 111 asked a question in the category of homework and received 2 answers on it
http://otvet.mail.ru/question/71541915/
What is sympathy and antipathy
Antipathy (Greek. ??????????, from ???? - "against" and ????? - "Passion") - a feeling of dislike, relief or disgust, the emotional attitude of the rejection of anyone or anything. Oppositely sympathy. Antipathy, as well as sympathy, is in many ways without a feeling and is due to a subconscious decision, but it can occur and fully consciously, as a result of a moral assessment in relation to those people, creatures or phenomena that the system of views adopted in this society.
Antipathy has its source an idea of \u200b\u200bharmfulness, danger, deformity, inferiority of the object of antipathy, acquired by personal or hereditary experience or grafted by upbringing. At the heart of this feeling can also be a particular excitability of the non-natural system of the individual (see Idiosyncrasy ).
Hereditary or acquired antipathy of man and animals To those or other items often has an instinctive or reflex nature and, according to some authors, is related to the task of self-preservation of an individual, biological species, group or ethnos.
In the sociology and psychology of antipathy, as well as sympathy, serves as one of the motivational regulators of interpersonal and intergroup relationships. At the same time, the feelings of adhesive and dislike can be more or less independent or even complementary, that is, naturally combined in an emotional attitude towards another person (the severity of one pole with simultaneous expression of the opposite).
A source:
What is sympathy and antipathy
Antipa? Tiya (Greek. ??????????, from ???? - "Against", and ????? - "Passion") - feeling of dislike, relief or disgust, emotional relations - or something.
http://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%90%D0%BD%D1%82%D0%B8%D0%BF%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B8%D1%8F.
What is sympathy and antipathy and why do they arise?
People always experience some feelings to each other. There are concepts of antipathy and sympathy. These two words occur from the root of the Greek word PATOS, which is translated as an experience or feeling.
Sympathy (translated from Greek, thrust) is a persistent positive attitude to a person or other phenomena in society. It manifests itself in admiration, friendly, friendly attitude, encourages communications, help or attention.
The reason for the appearance of sympathy is a conscious or almost unconscious factor. The unity of ideas, vital positions, interests, values, ideals should be attributed to the unity of ideas. To another group - character, attractiveness of appearance, a manner of communication, etc. According to one of the definitions, the sympathy is called a craving for man.
The concept of sympathy blinked the minds of philosophers in ancient Greece. They interpreted this phenomenon as a community of spirit, because of which people are able to sympathize with each other. But for many hundreds of years, sympathy was considered as empathy.
Antipathy is called personality quality, i.e. The manifestation of persistent disapproval, unlaunched to other people or phenomena. It is a valid feeling, it is impossible to control it. In a person, it may not be repelled outwardly, but the hostility from somewhere arises. It happens that antipathy appears consciously. For example, with its own position, a person estimates the behavior of another and considers it immoral.
Antipathy is considered the opposite pole of sympathy. If sympathies appear according to some particular law, then with antipathy the same situation. Their roots are hidden in the representation of a person, which should be others. If there is a lot of discrepancy with ideas, antipathy appears. A person notices in other negative qualities. They form such perception. In addition, antipathy can be due to the incomprehension of views on life and other phenomena. Antipathy is the rejection of other personalities.
There are several signs of sympathy that affect why the rest of people like us. Consider them in more detail:
A person is sympathetic to us if there is some similarity. This includes not only the external coincidence, but also similar values, views. The similarity of interests and opinions is powerful in some behaviors. For example, a visit to the same parties, studying the same objects, a particular sport.
It will be pleasant to those relationships where there is a balance in mutual exchange. We seem unpleasant personality, who "took something", but "not returned." This also applies to financial and intimate side of relationships. But this effect is found in everyday realities. If you told a lot about yourself to another, but he did not tell anything, the sympathy is unlikely to arise.
People like those who are pleasant they are. This factor prevails over others. The importance of the manifestation of sympathy was mentioned even in the 16th century in the instructions for sellers. It is worth showing sympathy for buyers, and then they will certainly make a profitable purchase.
Comparison of people with various life circumstances leads even to superstitious behavior. In such an association, it is difficult to find logic, especially if it is positive.
Attractive externally identifies positive features. They are considered benevolent, balanced, talented. People are confident that they have pleasant features of character, get the best posts, etc.
Attractive people are considered versatile, happy, they believe in themselves, witty. But attributing such qualities has some consequences. Such people are more likely to get a job, you agree to help, they have higher chances to win the elections and in court.
There are various causes of sympathy. The relative "scale" of attractiveness of one personality for another has a certain range. From the manifestation of this scale is dependent on the sympathy model. The range can be represented by different estimates of the subject:
love;
obvious sympathy;
simple sympathy;
indifference;
antipathy;
dislike.
The level of love is meant if a person is for another meaning of life. From this there is an explicit desire to be with him forever. About explicit sympathy says if you feel comfort in the presence of a person. You consider it a friend, you like to make plans with him, ideas, invent ideas and engage in a common matter.
Simple sympathy is a positive attitude to another personality, a pleasant feeling of interaction with her. If a person does not cause emotions, then there is a neutral attitude here. At a similar level of personality, they do not seek to communicate, but also do not avoid meetings.
As you know, antipathy is a rejection of another. A person tries to avoid meetings and interactions with a particular person. The extreme stage of the range is hatred. This is a relation when a person is not even able to keep himself in his hands when looking at the other, it may be desired to damage him.
Now experts, based on information from statistics and results of empirical analyzes, allocate the following causes of sympathy: infantility in appearance, similarity in manner, attractiveness of appearance, prompting to support, as well as a disquenceous communication style.
Infantile appearance is the presence of some kindergartens in the appearance, but personality retains the character traits inherent in its real age. It is believed that when manifesting such an appearance, even in small details, it helps to a considerable degree to the others. This is explained by the fact that infantile features at an intuitive level indicate naivety, defenselessness, as well as trust. It warns the development of suspicion and not a trust relationship.
In general, physical appeal is a multi-valued factor in the formation of sympathy. It often happens that the attractive appearance of the personality with a closer acquaintance causes only negative feelings. In addition, there are both opposite examples, if an external unattractive people eventually become the cause of gamma only positive feelings.
This is associated with the fact that in the formation of an assessment of another person, this means that in the formation of sympathy, not only appearance is important. It is considered the primary factor, the starting point, but as a result of the attitude to personality, the impact of hobbies, the position of the person, his worldview, priorities, manners are influenced by the personality.
It happens that it is pretty cute to a person who does not do anything bad, antipathy and irritation arises. What are the reasons for the appearance of such an antipathy?
If you experience unfortunate irritation in relation to the other, you should not suppress a similar feeling in my root. It is worth understanding where it came from. The human subconsciousness is capable of considering not only verbal information, but also some non-verbal signs. These include facial expressions, gestures, poses. And they often turn out to be true words. Maybe your interlocutor in the case of false, wishes to manipulate others. Abstract from his words, pay close attention to his behavior:
if a person touches his hands to his face, rubs his nose or eyes, covers his mouth with his palm during the conversation, then you are a liar;
in addition, it should be alarming and that if a person tries not to look into the eyes. And, on the contrary, if his look is too terrible;
if a person has a little wrinkling his nose and lifts the top lip, that is, the chance that he is feeling a disgust to you;
pose with arms crossed also testifies to the reluctance to be frank, about insincere emotions;
often, the arrogance manifests itself in the fact that a person speaks neutral phrases, but looks down from above.
We involuntarily notice similar trifles, and the subconscious of them fixes that it causes nervousness, as well as the seemingly unreasonable antipathy or anger. But it happens that we are the factor in the emergence of antipathy. To find out if you need to ask yourself such questions.
Personal relationships are the feelings that are experiencing people to each other. Mostly feeling when communicating is positive (sympathy) or negative (antipathy).
Sympathy (Greek Sympatheia- "Internal location, attraction") is a sense of sustainable emotional predisposition of a person to other people.
Antipathy (Greek Antipatheia, from Anti against, and Pathos Passion) - feeling of dislike, relief or disgust, the emotional attitude of the rejection of anyone or anything. Opposite to sympathy. Antipathy, as well as sympathy, is in many ways without failure and is not determined by a volitional solution, but it may occur and consciously, as a result of a moral assessment in relation to those people, creatures or phenomena that the view accepted in this society.
Hereditary or acquired antipathy of man and animals To those or other items often has an instinctive or reflex nature and, according to some authors, is related to the task of self-preservation of an individual, biological species, group or ethnos.
In the sociology and psychology of antipathy, as well as sympathy, serves as one of the motivational regulators of interpersonal and intergroup relationships. At the same time, feelings of pleasure and dislike can be more or less independent or even complementary, that is, naturally combined in an emotional attitude towards another person (the severity of one pole with the simultaneous expression of the opposite) [Wikipedia].
The emergence of sympathies or antipathies depends on:
* attractiveness of physical;
* similarities and similar;
* character, skills, success in different types activities;
* collaboration, actions for the benefit of another;
* Good attitude to another.
Appearance, physical appeal
If the external traits of a person are pleasant to us, then we involuntarily sympathize with him. It is perceived by us for external physically beautiful qualities, and people are incomprehensible, untidy more often cause antipathy.
Similarity, similarity
Similarity and similarity is external and inner.
The similarity is external - the same age, the floor, cultural level, material security.
The internal similarity is the community of interests, views, values, behavior rate, character traits.
"Ensure" a person on others prevents us from understanding it and feel sympathy. For the "dissimilarity" of man, he often inspired offensive nicknames and labels.
Character qualities, skills
When entering into relations with others, the consolidation of sympathies affects various character qualities, success in various activities, skills, hobbies. They make a person attractive to others. If a person is located to another, responsive, is attentive, kind and knows how to yield to others, he causes the greatest sympathy.
Antipathy and alertness, on the contrary, cause compounds, timid, shy, not confident people.
Psychologists asked schoolchildren to describe what guys they cause the greatest antipathy. And that's what happened.
"Winner" - one who considers without any good reason. that he is always and in everything should be the first.
"The most beautiful" ("First Beauty") - the one whom the question is most in the world: "I am in the light of all Mile, all the rosy and whiter?"
"Bogach" is the one who considers: "I can buy everything and sell. I'm better than everyone, because I have more money."
"Juligan" - "I like to feel the defenselessness of others."
"Self-confident" - "I'm always right!"
"Support" - "I will only do what other like!"
"Lakalk, quiet" - "Do not touch me, I am small and weak!"
"Plaks, Yabeda" - "I will complain adults"
All the described guys focus on themselves, think only about themselves, are not considered with others, other people can use their goals for the achievements of their goals. They are constantly
they demonstrate that they are better than others - smarter. more beautiful; Others - that they are worse (weaker, defenseless) than others. And that and others do not like others, cause antipathy.
Joint work, actions for the benefit of another
The common cause is best combining people. General, joint and especially business relationships create favorable conditions for the formation of the ability to coordinate their actions, help each other especially if they are useful personally to everyone.
In the cartoon "Winter in Prostokvashino" Cat Matroskin explains this way: "Because a joint work - for my benefit - unites".
Lazy and irregularity cause us with antipathy.
Respect for another
Respect - the position of one person in relation to the other, the recognition of the advantages of the individual. Respect prescribes not to cause another person to harm or physical or moral.
Respect - one of the most important requirements of morality. In the moral consciousness of society, respect suggests justice, equality of rights, attention to the interest of another person, his beliefs. Respect implies freedom, trust. Suppression of these requirements is a violation of respect. However, the meaning of these qualities, of which respect is determined, is determined by the nature of society and adopted paradigms. Understanding human rights, freedom, equality in different centuries was completely different. According to the dictionary on ethics edited by I. Kona, the greatest opportunities for deep respect, eliminate operation, as well as the conditions for the highest measure of real freedom of personality gives the Communist formation.
According to Kant, respect establishes the norm of human relations even more than sympathy. Only on the basis of respect may be mutual understanding.
Also, respect is moral duty and the only correct position of a person in the face of all valuable, in the face of any person (Wikipedia).
Goodwill - the activity associated with disinterested care about the well-being of others is comprehended; Recalls with the concept of dedication - that is, with an offer to sacrifice its benefits in favor of the good ...
If people relate to us are kindly, respectful. If all this manifests itself in a person in facial expressions, behavior, actions - it causes a sympathy.
Antipathy causes people indifferent, unfriendly.
With goodwill man:
* looks straight on the man, the look expresses his friend;
* Hearts warmly smiling;
* Sits close;
* expresses interest in what is and what a person is passionate about;
* friendly scuffle are possible;
* listens attentively;
* expresses approving, understanding judgments;
* Friendly Open face;
* Calm gestures, friendly, expressing attitude towards the interlocutor (1, p.110-111).
Literature:
1. Psycholia. 4th grade. A.D.andreyeva, I.V.Dubrovina, D.V. Lubovskaya, A.M.Prichozhan. Voronezh: Modek, 2001.
Sympathy
Material www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/simpatiya.
Sympathy is a sense of friendly position, disinterested attraction. On who is prettier, I want to watch, I want to hear it, I want to be more often with him. At the same time, no apparent benefit from this lookout, hearing and being nearby.
Unlike in love, sympathy is a lightweight and controlled feeling. Sympathy is easy to "move" and forget about her, with love to make this difficult.
In children and adolescents, the manifestations of sympathy sometimes have unexpected, including negative forms: to pull for the pigtail, push, hit ...
What to do to like people?
People do not always like it. People are both nasty, and difficult. And sometimes you want people to like - from this and among them among them are more pleasant to be, and this is sometimes necessary for business. It happens that you understand your head - a person is probably good, but there is no warm relationship in the soul, and then I want to correct the soul. What can help? What can be done so that someone will like you more?
Power of sympathy
The article is written on the book of David Myers "Social Psychology"
Who we will love more is the one who first did not love us, and then loved, or who loved us from the very beginning?
Example: Sasha is studying in one group with Olya. At first, he could not get rid of the feeling that for Olya he was a guy so-so. But as time follows, he notices: Oli's opinion about him clearly changes for the better, and in the end it turns out that she considers him a capable, attentive and charming young man. Question Would Olya Sasha liked more if it was about him such a flattering opinion from the very beginning?
To clarify this question, Elliot Aronson and Darwin Linder conducted an experiment: they "allowed" 80 students to overhear how one woman responded about them. Some student heard only flattering reviews, others - only negative. Others heard those and others, but in different sequences: either first negative, and then flattering (as in the case of Sasha), or vice versa. And in this and in other experiments to the "appraiser" there were better tests that grew in her eyes, especially if this growth was gradual and refuted the original criticism. Perhaps Praise Oli caused more trust, because he followed criticism. And the other is possible: Oli's praise had to wait, therefore it caused special thanks.
AronSon believed: if you constantly praise a person, praise may depreciate. When the husband in the five hundred times repeats his wife: "Dear, you're just irresistible!", His words are less impressive than if he said, "Dear, in my opinion, this dress is not very good." Therefore, it is much easier to offend a person who loves you madly than to delight. This means that relations in which mutual respect and mutual approval are combined with honesty in relation to each other will be assessed above and bringing joy more than relationships, sweat under pressure from negative emotions, or those in which people are trying only " on praise. " Aronson wrote:
"As the relationship becomes more and more close, the importance of authenticity is increasing - our ability to give up attempts to make a good impression and start to" make "themselves as we actually, even if we are not good at all ... if two really love each other, their relationships will be longer and emotional if they can express not only positive, but also negative feelings, and not just constantly "mile" with each other. "
Most often, communicating with different people, we act as censors of our own negative feelings. And this means that some people are devoid of feedback that could help them correct their behavior. Living in the world of pleasant illusions, they continue to behave in such a way that they repel from themselves those who under other circumstances could be a friend.
Sympathy
Sympathy (Greek. - "Internal location, attraction") - a sense of sustainable emotional predisposition of a person to other people. Opposite to antipathy.
Sympathy, as a rule, arises on the basis of general views, interests and values, as well as due to the election positive reaction to the appearance, behavior and character traits of another person. The sympathy of one person is manifested as an instinctive tendency, a feeling of inner kinship between them. It is expressed in increased interest in man, goodwill, to provide attention and help.
Notes
1. Davletina S. B. The Dictionary of Conflictology (VSSA, 2005, 100 s).
2. Sympathy // Encyclopedic Dictionary of Brockhaus and Efron: In 86 volumes (82 tons and 4 additional). - St. Petersburg., 1890-1907.
3. 1 2 Psychology of communication. Encyclopedic dictionary under total. ed. A. A. Bodalev. - M. Publishing House "Kogito-Center", 2011
4. What is sympathy?
Antipathy
Wikipedia material - free encyclopedia
Antipathy (Greek from - "Against", and - "Passion") - a feeling of dislike, disappearance or disgust, the emotional attitude of the rejection of anyone or anything. Oppositely sympathy. Antipathy, as well as sympathy, is in many ways without failure and is not determined by a volitional solution, but it may occur and consciously, as a result of a moral assessment in relation to those people, creatures or phenomena that the view accepted in this society.
Antipathy has its source an idea of \u200b\u200bharmfulness, danger, deformity, inferiority of the object of antipathy, acquired by personal or hereditary experience or grafted by upbringing. At the heart of this sense, the special excitability of the Nerch System of the Individual may also lie (see idiosyncrasy).
Hereditary or acquired antipathy of man and animals To those or other items often has an instinctive or reflective nature and, according to some authors, is related to the task of self-preservation of the individual, biological species, group or ethnos.
In the sociology and psychology of antipathy, as well as sympathy, serves as one of the motivational regulators of interpersonal and intergroup relationships. At the same time, the feelings of adhesive and dislike can be more or less independent or even complementary, that is, naturally combined in an emotional attitude towards another person (the severity of one pole with simultaneous expression of the opposite).
Notes
1. Freud S. Group Psychology and Analysis of the Ego. - Standard Edition, v. XVIII. London: Hogarth Press, 1955. P.101-102
2. For example, inter-ethnic antipathy as "negative complimentaryness" in the theory of ethnogenesis L. N. Gumileva.
3. Gozman L. Ya. Psychology of emotional relations. - M.: Publishing House Mosk. University, 1987. 176 p.
Links
Antipathy // Encyclopedic Dictionary of Brockhaus and Efron: In 86 volumes (82 tons and 4 additional). - St. Petersburg., 1890-1907.
L. Ya. Gozman. "Psychology of emotional relations"
