Already at birth, a child in the very depths of his being knows that the meaning of his incarnation lies in working through all the many lessons that life will give him. In addition, his soul has already chosen a specific family and environment in which he is born for a very specific purpose. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: to go through the experiences, and to go through in such a way as to accept them and through them to love ourselves.
Since sometimes the experience is experienced in rejection, that is, in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities, which again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience.
Acceptance experience does not mean that we give preference to it or agree with him. Rather, it is about empowering ourselves to experiment and learn from what we are experiencing. It is necessary to learn to recognize what is good for us and what is not.
The only way to get there is be aware consequences of experience. Having convinced that some experience entails harmful consequences, a person, instead of getting angry with himself or with someone else, is able to learn to simply take own choice (even irresponsible) - to accept in order to make sure that such an experience is unreasonable. Subsequently, this will be remembered, and this is the acceptance of the experienced experience.
Have you noticed that when a person accuses someone of something, the other accuses him of the same? The way out of the situation is to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. Only a person is able to experience any situation without unnecessary suffering.
How do complexes appear? ... Soon after the birth of a man, we begin to notice that his desire to be himself causes discontent among adults and others. And he concludes that being natural is wrong, wrong. This discovery is not pleasant, and often it causes outbursts of anger in a child. If the child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, in a balanced manner, and will never arrange "crises." Most children go through the following four stages:
- 1st stage - cognition of the joy of existence, of being oneself;
- 2nd stage - suffering from being yourselfit is impossible ;
Some people get bogged down in the third stage and are constantly in a state of opposition, anger, or crisis throughout their lives.
During the third and fourth stages, a person creates new personalities in himself, masks - several masks that serve to protect him from the pain experienced in the second stage. There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental trauma that a human being has to endure. Long-term observations made it possible to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five injuries - masks.
Injuries - masks:
- Rejected - fugitive
- Abandoned - dependent
- Humiliated - masochist
- Survivor of betrayal - supervising
- Survivor of injustice - rigid (setting a rigid framework for himself)
Runaway complex appears when a child is rejected by a parent of the same sex. Subsequently, such a person is inclined to alternately behave how rejected , - himself creating such situations, or how leaving. The fugitive seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. The fugitive does not believe in his worth, he himself does not put himself into anything. And for this reason, he uses all means to become perfect and gain value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others.
The abandoned complex formed if the child is not accepted by the parent of the opposite sex. Someone who is experiencing a complex abandonedis constantly emotionally hungry. Dependent May seem lazy due to the fact that he does not like to be active or work alone; he needs someone's presence, if only for moral support. If he does something for others, he expects reciprocal affection. Z independent most prone to becoming a victim in order to attract attention. This meets the needs dependent who constantly thinks that they receive too little attention. When he seems to be trying his best to gain attention, he is actually looking for opportunities to feel important enough to gain support. It seems to him that if he fails to attract the attention of such and such a person, then he will not be able to count on him.
Complex formation humiliated, otherwise a masochist, occurs at the moment when the child feels that one of the parents is ashamed of him or is afraid of shame, if the child gets dirty, ruined something (especially with guests or relatives), poorly dressed, etc. Humiliation only intensifies when the parents explain guests of the reasons for a small scandal. Scenes like these can convince a child that he is disgusting to mom and dad. Insofar as humiliatedseeks to prove his solidity, reliability and does not want to be controlled, he becomes very executive and takes on a lot of work. While he helps others, he is sure that he has nothing to be ashamed of, but very often then he experiences humiliation from the fact that he was used. He almost always believes that his services are not appreciated.
The child feels that his betrayed a parent of the opposite sex, whenever that parent does not keep his promise or when he abuses his child's trust. Supervising controls in order to ensure the fulfillment of the tasks undertaken, to remain faithful, to justify responsibility, or else requires all of this from others. Since it is especially difficult for controllers to accept any form of betrayal, either someone else's or their own, they do everything in their power to be responsible, strong, special and significant people.
The child feels how injustice the fact that he cannot be whole and inviolable, cannot express himself and be himself. He experiences this trauma mainly with a parent of the same gender. He suffers from this parent's coldness, that is, from his inability to express himself and feel the other. At least this is how the child perceives him. The child also suffers from the authority of the parent, from his constant remarks, severity, intolerance and from his conformity.
Rigid achieves correctness and justice at any cost. Striving for perfection in everything, he thus tries to always be fair. He believes that if what he says or does is perfect, then by the same token it is just. It is extremely difficult for him to understand that, while acting impeccably (according to his own criteria), he can at the same time be unjust.Ways to heal childhood traumas and get rid of complexes as an adult:
Injury rejected close to healing, when a person gradually takes up more and more space, if he begins to assert himself. And if someone pretends that he is not, it does not unsettle him. Situations in which he is afraid to panic occur less and less.
Injury abandoned close to healing when a person feels good even alone and if less needs someone's attention. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. More and more often he has the desire and opportunity to start various projects, and even if others do not help him, he is able to continue the work himself.
Injury humiliated close to healing when a person, before saying yes to someone, gives himself time to think if it meets his needs. He already takes less weight on his shoulders and feels more free. He ceases to create restrictions for himself. He is able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying and unnecessary.
Injury betrayal close to healing, when a person no longer experiences such violent emotions, when someone or something upsets his plans. It loosens the grip more easily. To loosen your grip means to loosen your attachment to the result, to get rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. He no longer tries to be the center of gravity. When he is proud of the work he has done, he feels good even when others do not notice or recognize his merits.
Injury injustice close to healing, when a person allows himself to be not so perfect, to make mistakes, without falling into a rage and not criticizing himself. He can afford to show his sensitivity, you can cry in front of others, without fear of their condemnation and not ashamed of a temporary loss of control.
One of the main benefits of healing trauma is that we get rid of emotional dependence, we become independent. Emotional independence - this is the ability to understand what you want and take all the actions necessary to realize your desire; and if you need help, you know how to ask for it, not reducing your request to a single and irreplaceable person. An independent person will not say: "How can I be alone now?" when someone disappears from his life. He is in pain, but deep down he knows that he can live alone.
Healing childhood trauma leads to the fact that all the energy spent on masking pain is released and directed to more productive tasks. Namely: the construction of the life you strive for, while remaining yourself.
“We are all on this planet in order to remember who we are: we are all God, experiencing experiences of earthly existence. To remember who we are, we need to realize who we are not. For example, we are not our trauma Whenever we suffer, it is because we consider ourselves to be who we are not.When a person suffers from feelings of guilt because they have acted unfairly or betrayed someone, they feel themselves a source of injustice or betrayal. But he is not an experience, he is God having an experience on a material planet. Another example: when he is sickbody , man is not a disease; he is a person experiencing blockage of energy in some part of the body. We call this experience a disease. Rating 4.50 (2 Votes)
25.10.2016
Snezhana Ivanova
Childhood psychological trauma refers to such phenomena that are difficult to correct, it takes a lot of time and patience to overcome it.
Refers to the number of such phenomena that are difficult to correct. It takes a lot of time and patience to fully overcome them. The child's psyche is arranged in such a way that any impressions that have caused a strong emotional response linger in it for a long time. Children's experiences, as a rule, are not realized by us, since not all children remember what happened to them at the age of three or four. Meanwhile, childhood events can have a significant impact on the formation of a worldview, character, various fears and doubts. Modern psychologists argue that almost every person at an early age had negative events that had a serious imprint on consciousness.
Causes of Childhood Psychological Trauma
Every phenomenon has its reasons. Psychological trauma is often formed under the influence of a number of circumstances and events that have a devastating effect on the child's psyche. To overcome the pronounced manifestations of trauma, you need to understand the events that cause it. Very often, an adult's attentive attitude towards a child will help prevent the development of childhood psychological trauma. It is dangerous not so much in itself as in its destructive effect on inner world little person.
Death of a loved one
If a child loses one of their parents in early childhood or adolescence, this will definitely affect his mental health. Such a child will suffer from anxiety, feel that the world is an imminent danger for him. Death loved one in childhood it is perceived as the greatest catastrophe, a tragedy from which there is no deliverance. A child may think for a long time that the parent has left him on purpose, even be offended for untimely leaving. A child who has suffered the death of a close relative feels very lonely in the world, unprotected, unable to withstand the harsh circumstances of fate.
Childhood illness
When a child becomes seriously ill in childhood, he learns to perceive himself as a weak and weak-willed creature. He, becoming an adult, will continue to listen to his body with distrust, trying to find significant signs of ill health. Meanwhile, the prospects and opportunities of such a person will, of course, pass by. Most likely, even at a conscious age, he will be surrounded by ailments. Often, as a result of a serious illness in childhood, a person develops a general fear of any manifestations of ill health. This is how a dependent, overly anxious personality is formed, who does not know how to take responsibility for everything that happens to her.
Psychological or physical abuse
Unfortunately, childhood experiences can be more than just rosy and wonderful. If any violence was committed over the child, then this will make him subsequently treat life more wary and distrustful. Violence of the physical plane makes you learn to fight, develop anger and aggressiveness in yourself. A child who is soft by nature will experience significant difficulties, and will stop treating others with respect. He will focus all his attention on his inner state, will try to avoid another reprisal.
Psychological violence is dangerous because it encourages the person to constantly look for possible dangers and avoid them. As a result, a person loses faith in himself, his capabilities, does not believe in a happy future. If a child from childhood gets used to hearing ridicule and caustic remarks from others, then he begins to treat himself badly, to consider himself a failure. Such a person is unlikely to dare to dare to change any situation that does not suit him. Insults cause irreparable damage to the child's psyche: the child becomes anxious, suspicious, withdrawn into himself.
Adult betrayal
Children often witness the unfair attitude of an adult towards them. Parental divorce is the most common reason formation. The child perceives the departure from the family of one parent (more often the father) as a betrayal. Subsequently, it will be very difficult for him to build honest trusting relationships with peers. The betrayal of an adult seems to show him that no one can be trusted, because even the closest people can deceive. Leaving the family of a close relative is perceived as a disaster, upsetting the whole favorable picture of the baby's world.
Lack of parental attention
Not all children fully experience parental care and attention. There are also some children whom they do not like, do not show significant participation in them. We are not talking about orphans living in orphanages. Lack of parental attention can also be present in outwardly prosperous families. The child is left to himself and experiences extreme dissatisfaction from the fact that no participation is shown to him. All children, regardless of age, want to feel needed and loved.
School bullying
Unfortunately, some children experience violent bullying. School bullying is dangerous because it undermines the child's self-confidence, makes him become aggressive and restless. Much damage to the child's psyche is caused by bullying and ridicule by peers. The child often does not understand why he is treated this way, cannot adequately respond to the offenders. He learns to hide his desires and dreams deep in his soul, does not show anyone his true feelings, does not look for opportunities for growth and development.
The consequences of childhood psychological trauma
The presence of psychological trauma always leads to consequences, has a detrimental effect on the rest of his life. Small manbecoming an adult, he will carry in his mind the traumatic events of the past. It is this kind of experience that often does not allow a person to develop, to live fully. What can be the consequences of psychological trauma?
Constant fears
The child's psyche very quickly begins to react to manifestations of cruelty, violence or inattention. First of all, the baby begins to worry about fears. Painful thoughts do not leave him for a long time, they return at every opportunity. The child doubts everything, rechecks every step, instead of just living and enjoying the manifestations of life. He gradually becomes hostage to his own fears, which control his condition. With the help of fears, the psyche protects itself from the invasion of new negative information, protects consciousness from traumatic experiences.
Panic attacks and frustration
Panic attacks are always the result of overload and exhaustion. nervous system... Our consciousness, like a powerful computer, needs additional preventive care. Otherwise, it will constantly "hang" on the most traumatic moments of life, reproducing again and again the most painful details of what happened. When a person accumulates too many anxieties and disappointments, the defense system tries to save him from final exhaustion. This is the case with a small child. Any frustration, be it tearfulness or tantrums, appear when the rest of the possibilities to correct the situation have been exhausted.
Lack of self-esteem
This is the first thing that a suspicious and anxious person begins to feel. Self-doubt is the most common consequence of experiencing trauma. A person really begins to feel with all the forces of his soul his imaginary inferiority and failure. Such a person is afraid to try something new, fearing additional disappointments. Self-doubt manifests itself through avoiding situations that can cause discomfort. Any unfamiliar event causes fear and panic in front of the unknown.
More often than not, no amount of persuasion and action is possible to force an anxious child to do what is necessary. If you show excessive firmness, he will become even more isolated and will perceive the surrounding reality as something inevitable and irreparable.
Distrust of people and life
The most global consequence of childhood trauma is a general distrust of people and events. From an early age, a person subconsciously has a belief that the world is unfair and dangerous, which is why he perceives all the actions of others only in a negative way. Mistrust deprives a person of new discoveries, the joy of contact with the world of people. He will first consider any event from a security point of view, and only then make responsible decisions. Seclusion, aggressiveness, jealousy, hot temper - these are the main symptoms of distrust of others formed in childhood.
Thus, the psychological trauma, in any case, has serious consequences. Such a shock needs a long-term correction. It is easier to prevent it than to try to correct the consequences later. Children's grievances and shocks leave an indelible mark on the soul and it is quite difficult to eradicate it.
What if the traumas received in childhood have left deep marks in the soul of a person? Scars from wounds, like a shell, hold down the manifestation of emotions and feelings. They become a prison that prevents the individual from expressing their individuality freely and naturally. In the family, at work, as well as in relationships with friends and relatives, it is difficult for such people to build long-term relationships, because of the fear of being rejected and misunderstood. If the relationship has taken place, then, as a rule, such people sacrifice their lives to others, as if trying to earn love, friendship, just encouragement and thereby create the illusion of control over the situation.
Children cannot respond in kind to insults and shouts from their parents. In order to preserve your image of "I", psychological defenses are included that do not allow you to perceive what is happening as part of reality. Basic trust in the world is being lost. The child is looking for an excuse for his parents (due to self-deprecation, and ultimately low self-esteem), or, on the contrary, the fruit of future aggressive manifestations in relation to others or to himself is tied in the personality structure (auto-aggression: suicide, bad habits).
Let's say you have already understood: "Something is wrong in your life", remembered events that could have influenced it. But the course of events carries you along the river of life in an unknown direction. Your ship is rudderless and sails. It is difficult for you to be sincere even when alone with yourself.
What to do? Where to begin? Try this exercise:
Imagine in great detail the traumatic situation that you can remember most vividly and holistically if there were several of them.
Write a story about this according to the scheme:
1. Who, besides you, was a participant in the event (mom, dad, teacher, neighbor, children, etc.) - describe the clothes (color, fabric, style), age;
2. Emotions, feelings, facial expressions of the participants (anger, joy, anger, sadness, compassion ..., a feeling of insecurity, fear, aggression, surprise, misunderstanding, a sense of unreality of what is happening);
3. Where the event took place and the objects that were there (house - furniture, toys; street - buildings, road - asphalt, highway, country road, plants - trees, flowers, herbs, bushes; school - class, recreation, assembly hall, corridor ; transport - bus, train, plane, motor ship; etc.)
4. What time of year, time of day, sounds, smells, touches, whatever you can remember.
Now imagine that you are the present, you are next to yourself in this story, which you just described. Can you safely recall how you felt as a child in relation to the aggressor, what you did, what you wanted to do, but were afraid? Now you can do it, because you are not alone and you have someone to protect! What would you say and do now? Describe these words and actions in your story.
What kind of facial expression do you think someone who is not used to being rebuffed in such a situation will have? What emotions does this person evoke in you now? What associations do you have when looking at his facial expression (maybe he has become like an animal, fruit, insect?) What do you feel towards him now? What do you think of this person? How old is he now? He took place as a person? How do you feel about him now? What new things have you learned about yourself? Read your story in a day and analyze your thoughts, feelings!
This is only the first step towards yourself. Of course, it is impossible to work through the most serious injuries on your own (the defenses are strong, which a psychologist will help to get around). If you have tried this exercise several times and cannot remember and describe your emotions, feelings and thoughts, then at this stage you need to contact a specialist.
And finally, a very ambiguous parable:
“A long time ago, a Master lived in an ancient city surrounded by disciples. The most capable of them once thought: "Is there a question that our Master could not answer?" He went to a flowering meadow, caught the most beautiful butterfly and hid it between his palms. The butterfly clung to his hands with its paws, and the student was tickled. Smiling, he went up to the Master and asked: - Tell me, which butterfly is in my hands: alive or dead? Rating 5.00 (4 Votes)
What happens to us in childhood often decisively affects our entire life. Considering ourselves the creators of our lives, we, nevertheless, often behave in accordance with the “script” “written” for us when we were children. And these "scenarios" do not always contribute to our well-being and happiness.
Unfortunately, quite often childhood experiences and impressions become the cause of psychological trauma¸ that can have a negative impact on our entire life.
The main causes of childhood psychological trauma are:
- divorce of parents (sometimes - long and open quarrels of the parents for the child),
- death of a loved one (usually mother or father),
- assault or physical (including sexual) abuse,
- moral and moral humiliation of a person (for example, bullying in a teenage environment),
- long-term illness
- serious pedagogical errors of close adults (most often mothers), unhealthy relationships in the family.
Traumatic adult-child relationship
The pedagogically incorrect behavior of a close adult (usually a mother) is the most typical and at the same time the most hidden factor that has a traumatic effect on a child. It is children's psychological trauma caused by improper upbringing, an unhealthy attitude of a mother or father to a child, when excessive hopes are pinned on the baby due to the fact that something did not come true in the life of his parents and they want the child's successes to compensate for their past failures, or when the child becomes overvalued for the mother and is pampered, or, conversely, the mother is overly internally focused on her problems, because of which she does not have emotional contact with the child - they often turn out to be the most difficult and long-lasting, their reasons are not easy to understand, they are also can be called the most massive in our time.
There are three main psychotraumatic factors of this kind:
Ignoring the child's physical or emotional needs,
Emotional coldness on the part of family members (especially the mother, sometimes the father).
The child builds himself, his personality - with the help of his parents. He gets an idea of \u200b\u200bhimself from other people, first of all - close adults. In fact, we are all, in one way or another, becoming what our mother and father saw us. But this idea is not always correct and pedagogically useful.
Of course, in the vast majority of cases, parents do not deliberately harm their children. However, their own unresolved psychological and personal problems, often - also caused by childhood psychological trauma - often lead to the wrong attitude of parents towards their child.
Since the scripts of upbringing at an unconscious level are copied and then reproduced on their children, traumatic relationships are transferred from generation to generation. Having worked through your childhood traumas and grievances, you will not only change your own life, but you will also be able to make an invaluable gift to all your descendants, who in this case will build relationships in their families differently.
The influence of a traumatic situation on personality development
When Sasha was 10 years old, her parents separated. Long before that, they began to quarrel regularly. After the official divorce, Sasha's father and mother had to live together for some time, since they could not part ways. Then mom and Sasha moved to a big city.
Now Sasha is 32 years old. She is not married, she has no children. She is often in an unreasonably depressed state. She communicates little with people, despite the fact that she is very attached to her few friends. However, she also avoids friends for weeks and months, not answering calls and letters. She is very suspicious: it seems to her that she can interfere, disturb. Often cries over a book (she loves to read).
Meanwhile, according to her mother, Sasha was a cheerful, sociable, inquisitive and cheerful girl until she was 10 years old. She changed dramatically precisely during the quarrel and the subsequent divorce of her parents.
As you can see, the reasons for Sasha's problems were the quarrels and the subsequent divorce of the parents, and especially the fact that the father, after the divorce, completely ignored his daughter.
Than younger child, the more difficult it is for him to separate himself from the social situation in which he - as a rule, by accident - found himself. It seems to him that everything that happens to him and his loved ones is directly related to his qualities, his human essence, that if mom and dad get divorced, then it is his fault, if they call him names, humiliate him - then he is so bad and unworthy of another attitude towards himself ... This perception of oneself is especially typical for preschool children.
Therefore, as a result of trauma, the child receives distorted ideas about himself, his characteristics and abilities, which he then often carries into adulthood.
As a result, personality traits such as an inferiority complex are formed (lack of confidence in my human potential, that I will be accepted and loved, that I can become a useful and successful member of society), weakness (inability to overcome difficulties), distrust of people, and etc.
In addition to the feature noted above (inability to separate themselves from the social situation), children are also small, weak, dependent on adults, unable to independently change their relationship with them. Hence the conformism characteristic of children. The child adapts to almost any situation, to any relationship in his family and considers them normal, no matter how abnormal they really are. This often causes problems in adulthood.
Psychotrauma and life activity
David was very sick in childhood. His grandmother had the idea that all children should be tempered with early age... My grandmother took out David's older sister in a wheelchair, very lightly dressed in cool weather - and the girl really almost did not get sick with colds. However, Davik was born completely different, and this grandmother did not take into account. As a result - 7 pneumonia and a host of other problems in the first 6 years of life. The boy did not get out of bed.
In the end, Davik liked that all the adults curl around him, feel his forehead, constantly take care of him, pay attention to him. And then, when his health was more or less normalized (and the boy was healthy by nature), he no longer wanted to take the initiative, he always expected help from others. He was extremely shy, insecure.
And even more than anything in the world, David loved ... to be sick. After all, it was the most effective way get attention and support. An unconscious desire to attract illness led to the fact that by the age of 20, an adult young man had a lot of psychosomatic disorders. He did not study or work anywhere, because comfort and good relationships in his subconscious were clearly associated with the position of the victim. Success, activity, achievements directly contradicted his life scenario.
To deal with all this and change, David needed a long course of psychotherapy.
And that's not all…
As you can see, the natural influence of the social situation in childhood affects the already adult person. So, if a girl has been sexually abused, she, as an adult, may be afraid of close relationships with men. A bullied teenager can withdraw into his inner world. A child who is used to crawling out of his skin so that his parents pay attention to him may become egocentric in the future.
Thus, childhood psychological trauma often leads to impaired social and personal development. People who had to go through such a negative experience in childhood are often less successful in their careers, it is more difficult for them to build friendships and family relationships, they more often than others cannot build their lives in such a way that they themselves would be psychologically cozy and comfortable in it.
Unfortunately, psychological trauma often has a formative effect not only on the subconscious, but also on the person's consciousness. In fact, such a person is the fruit of his trauma, its result, although he himself does not realize it.
In this case, it is difficult for him to count on overcoming the consequences of his trauma if he does not turn to a specialist: a psychotherapist or psychologist. Only a specialist can help such a person to internally process the consequences of his trauma, to realize what is its result in his personality, and to find ways to overcome these negative consequences.
